tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-364185502012-01-31T20:34:48.284-08:00Lenanoreply@blogger.comBlogger2211100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-38254096287713791732011-04-13T09:58:00.000-07:002011-04-13T17:49:31.643-07:00

For my job at Blogher, I read over 300 blogs weekly. And whenever I see a post title of the “On Not Writing” variety I groan. I think, just write already! Your hands are already moving on that keyboard, honey. Tell us a joke! So, this is not about why I haven’t been writing. And this is not about depression. Except that it is. I started blogging almost six years ago, only half of which were

Lenanoreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-86789281497893486492010-12-01T19:46:00.000-08:002010-12-01T19:52:49.931-08:00

This is for the people in my life who keep saying, "but don't you think so? Even a little?".Kate is happy about becoming Queen. I am happy about my hair.You win this round, Kate.

Lenanoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-65586546056828432472010-11-28T18:50:00.000-08:002010-11-28T18:52:51.420-08:00

I wasn't looking for the diary. I was innocently cleaning out a drawer and there it was. A tan leather bound book entitled "Journal". I casually flipped through it. It was from seven years ago. Savannah, two years old; my marriage, three. I skimmed one page, then another. I sank onto the bed in shock. Absolute shock. I did not recognize this girl, this wife, this mother. Could this really be my

Lenanoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-74242923367769789952010-08-18T16:48:00.000-07:002010-08-18T17:24:55.987-07:00

I'm working on a post worthy of much applause and fanfare once I figure out what it is. In the meantime, here is the light of my life careening down a sheet of plastic covered in soap. Very possibly the highlight of her summer. Mine was wearing a bag hat on my head after trying to open a wine bottle with a key in New York City. So, I think we're even.photo credit: my beautiful friend, Yvonne*Also

Lenanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-17757128483257801262010-07-07T12:06:00.000-07:002010-07-07T12:07:07.701-07:00

I jumped at the chance to interview Julie Andrews for BlogHer. That is, until I was still under the covers an hour before our interview paralyzed by fear with absolutely nothing prepared. Chris finally came in and gingerly laid a list on my pillow of questions he had come up with for Julie Andrews. You know, that he whipped up in addition to his full-time job."I thought you might need some help,"

Lenanoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-58531856229058744702010-06-10T16:26:00.000-07:002010-06-10T22:31:50.509-07:00

If I were to grade this year so far it would go a little something like this.January: A-February: DMarch: FApril: CMay: BSo, I think I'm riding into summer on a strong C. I wish I could tell you why, but as it turns out there are things that are completely unbloggable. Even for me. But, I assure you, we are over the worst of it and I feel like I'm finally leaving Suckville for good. Also, it is

Lenanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-62822924209749084092010-06-02T16:23:00.001-07:002010-06-02T16:23:24.640-07:00

Roses are red Violets are blue I’m going to update this blog. I swear. Tomorrow.

Lenanoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-12852932054210703432010-03-08T08:29:00.000-08:002010-05-12T14:00:43.568-07:00

I clearly felt I was on the wrong side of the carpet. I don't get out much.All the juicy details this way...

Lenanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-89077909951623481362010-02-26T10:53:00.001-08:002010-02-26T10:57:22.288-08:00

OK, I have to make this snappy because I have a busy day ahead of me of moving aka “directing off-duty firefighters where to put my things”. (I love Craigslist.) I’ll be sure to be online today though since yesterday I made the tragic mistake of turning my back on the internet and apparently sent a bunch of DM’s on Twitter saying I was 24 and horny. Which, sadly, isn’t true in either case. That’

Lenanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-53253448847571289632010-02-10T17:26:00.001-08:002010-02-11T14:25:27.986-08:00

I should be packing right now. Or emptying the dishwasher. Or retrieving the corner of the tuna sandwich my cat just snagged from my plate and took under the couch. But, instead I’m going to blow your mind. I hope you’re ready for this. I lost 15 pounds in the last 3 weeks. Seriously. I was a tight 8 and now I’m a 4. Five kinds of crazy, right? Would you like to know how I did it? I’m an

Lenanoreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-92101694014715997652010-01-26T22:58:00.001-08:002010-05-12T13:51:43.546-07:00

First of all, I just want you to know that Valerie Bertinelli is wearing a shirt I own in the new Jenny Craig ads. From this I can tell you with some authority that 1) Jenny Craig stylists shop Nordstrom Rack and 2) I hate that shirt on me for the same reason Valerie probably does and that’s why she has to have her hands on her hips. So she’ll have a waist. Do with that information what you see

Lenanoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-68981699174121343502010-01-12T08:59:00.001-08:002010-01-12T16:05:06.827-08:00

It's almost criminal how long it's been since I've written. I promise to do better in 2010. In fact, that is my only New Year's Resolution.Life has been busy. In the sense that most of it has been spent sitting on my couch with my laptop drinking endless Starbucks lattes* and working. So, intellectually busy. (Except for the embarrassing number of hours I've spent playing Mario Brothers** on

Lenanoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-19412907360597592232009-11-04T17:40:00.000-08:002009-11-04T18:51:41.339-08:00

So. Since I'm a huge blogger I get flooded with emails all the time offering me free stuff.I don't want to brag, but the other day I was offered The Singing Lizard's new CD. And then this other time I was offered 10% off a photo album for ME AND ALL MY READERS! 10%! Like you're only paying 90% (+ shipping)! Imagine what you could do with that 10% of savings (+ shipping)! You could buy that stamp

Lenanoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-16942092350392466022009-10-21T22:00:00.000-07:002009-10-21T22:05:46.539-07:00

I just returned from the Bay Area.Okay, "just" is stretching it.I returned from the Bay Area last Thursday. But, of course it took me two days to unpack, a day to catch up on my Tivo, a day to accept that the balloon boy was a fake, and then another day to roll my cats around on the floor like fur burritos.I'm pretty sure that brings me to today. Maybe not. I may have blacked out for a time.

Lenanoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-2364765318055637682009-10-07T10:55:00.000-07:002009-10-07T11:12:13.638-07:00

I know, I know. I've disappeared on you. Off into the ether of YouTube and gossip. But, if you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it.I have no idea how that applies here. But, I've been wanting to say it for months. You know, to someone other than myself while I do lunges at the gym.And I think by "ring", I probably mean "donut".Speaking of the gym, I've discovered that I sort of love our

Lenanoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-44126768246182586892009-09-17T08:19:00.000-07:002009-10-01T15:23:46.050-07:00

Last night my 7-year-old daughter told me she "wants to die" because she hates the way she looks.She hates that her "thighs jiggle".She hates that her "belly sticks out".She hates that she's "the biggest girl" in her class.She wants to die and she's seven.I've been waiting for this moment since the day I gave birth to a daughter. The day she inevitably starts hating herself. And here it was.I

Lenanoreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-74346022680373454632009-09-08T12:15:00.000-07:002009-09-08T12:31:09.262-07:00

We sort of make a big deal out of our anniversary every year. Our entire family gets together at a designated house and we do a ridiculously massive gift exchange (sound familiar? We call it Anniversary-mas). I will share photographic evidence as soon as I figure out how to transfer the photos to my new fancy netbook (Chris? Keep rockin like you do with the kickass gifts.)Anyhoo, this year our

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-58101204185632960042009-08-28T08:30:00.000-07:002009-08-28T13:13:18.701-07:00

This is just going to be one of those stream of consciousness posts because I'm typing through tears and don't want to stop and try to figure out how to make a cohesive thought.Today is effectively my last day of summer with my daughter. My mother is coming to take her until next week when we all get together and do our big anniversary celebration. I realized this as I lay in bed last night. Last

Lenanoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-45361511943614859382009-08-26T17:45:00.000-07:002009-08-27T22:44:49.142-07:00

Dear Chris,You didn't cry at our wedding. That's always bugged me.I couldn't understand why you weren't so overwhelmed by my sparkling tiara and push up corset, not to mention spending the rest of your life with a goddess like myself, that it didn't move you to tears.Thankfully, you've redeemed yourself throughout the last nine years.How You Have Made It Up To Me, Let Me Count the Ways:Thank you

Lenanoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-2632393903233200662009-08-21T08:27:00.000-07:002009-08-21T08:37:49.505-07:00

A widely read blogger had the misfortune of being on some asshat's radar the other day when she posted an intensely raw and personal picture of her financial situation. One that included her efforts to seek relief from her steep mortgage payments, among other things.And even after she pulled the post a short time later, the vultures continue to pick at its carcass. Dissecting each photo,

Lenanoreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-85834013461958587072009-08-19T05:03:00.000-07:002009-08-19T05:03:00.281-07:00

I went for a run today.If you can call it that.I have gained 10 pounds that I cannot seem to shed. I've tried everything: thinking about it really hard, making lists, looking at TMZ, baking pies, reading books. Nothing will do the trick! Weird I know.This weekend I decided I was going to get serious about working out. So I told Chris that I was taking up running because how hard can it be? I

Lenanoreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-31457773736670862022009-08-11T10:09:00.000-07:002009-08-11T10:58:29.663-07:00

Percentage of myself that feels 20 minutes on the elliptical this morning does not make up for the asiago bagel and cheddar bacon cream cheese: 0Number of hours I've been at Starbucks waiting to be inspired to write while digesting: 3Number of those hours spent Googling ex-boyfriends and watching singing dog videos: 2.5Number of times I've texted Chris gift suggestions for our anniversary later

Lenanoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-76301896904323860872009-08-06T11:25:00.001-07:002009-08-06T11:29:30.119-07:00

FACT: An "only child" must have more playdates than the average cub.FACT: An "only child"'s mother must make more of an effort than the average mother to create a social life for her child.FACT: Telling the mother of an "only" child to be "grateful" that she doesn't have to listen to "two children fighting" will make her want to kick your legs out from under you.I'm not what you would call overly

Lenanoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-86817385500483200732009-08-03T10:34:00.001-07:002009-08-03T13:57:28.806-07:00

I haven't written much about Savannah on this site recently. I haven't written much about anything recently, which is the main reason. The other more specific reason is because the last year has been a little trying with (and for) her.I thought I would never know which came first: my working or Savannah's attitude. Sadly, the last two months of my not working has answered that for me.I worked

Lenanoreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-88889864113888964612009-07-28T17:13:00.000-07:002009-07-29T13:46:35.666-07:00

I quit my job for this.*Blogher wrap-up posts must be so boring to read if you weren’t there. They’re kind of boring even when you were. Especially when this year they all seem to share the same sentiment “It’s fine to like free stuff, but don’t be an ass about it”.But, this post will be superior because it involves a butler and dinosaurs. Beat that, internet.First off, you’ll be happy to know

Lenanoreply@blogger.com40tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-53520754960300328222009-07-10T09:33:00.000-07:002009-07-10T11:23:48.497-07:00

I’m all kinds of excited about flying to Blogher in two weeks. Alone. With nothing between me and the ground but 30,000 feet of bad thoughts.My mom came back from a trip recently and tried to tell me…hold on, I need to laugh some more about this. She tried to convince me that I wouldn’t be afraid to fly if only I “flew first class”. Does everyone have their own eject pod in first class, mom? Yeah

Lenanoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-51364911347713848042009-06-24T12:31:00.000-07:002009-06-24T17:32:57.889-07:00

Sweet hotcakes, it's summer.I wish I could sound like a sane person and claim that the reason I'm excited for summer is because I look forward to Savannah whining at me all day about what we're going to do FOR KIDS. (By the way, this tragically does not include Target, Trader Joe's, the mall, Starbucks, or the gym. It does however include the pool, the park, and looking at puppies that I'm

Lenanoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-82780452619789980962009-06-11T15:00:00.000-07:002010-01-05T15:07:24.180-08:00

So. I've been working on Savannah's birth story since, well, eight years ago this October 14 I guess (along with her birth scrapbook album, which managed to cost me $1500 in stickers, but never actually materialized into photos or a birth story and then I ended up selling everything on Ebay last month for $75 so ANYWAY). It finally took Discovery Health's Baby Week to nudge me along into

Lenanoreply@blogger.com113tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-11664261684208574992009-06-07T12:29:00.000-07:002009-06-07T12:39:00.922-07:00

So, this one time? Like two years ago? I had to start working because we were about to lose our house. Or was it our job? Our minds? I can't remember - it all runs together after so many months of ENDLESS JOYS. Anyway, if you remember, I started my own business which was fun for about as long as it took to run out of color coordinated post-its. Which is to say, briefly.I then quickly

Lenanoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-48784790945738377242009-04-20T09:08:00.000-07:002009-04-20T09:10:28.766-07:00

I’m stuck here at work when all I want to do is be at home throwing socks for the cats to watch them slide around on the wood floors and boiling chicken to give the illusion that I have some grand plans for dinner and writing super important life stories on my laptop. Like how the TWENTY pounds I’ve gained is inexplicably all being stored in my knees and my eyelids. Or how I hired a housekeeper

Lenanoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-22555614340075566602009-03-26T14:41:00.000-07:002009-06-10T09:29:24.207-07:00

Last week Chris found out he would get the "opportunity" to "interview" for his current position.Isn't that awesome? Leaving your office to take the elevator upstairs to interview for the job that you're going to go back downstairs and keep doing for the rest of the day just as you have for the last five years?That interview was on Monday. Poor Chris stopped 4 times at gas station bathrooms on

Lenanoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-11205448852168502732009-03-04T22:12:00.000-08:002009-03-04T22:25:05.082-08:00

After writing such a stupid poem poking fun at my miserable husband's cough, it was only appropriate that it would turn out to be The Plague. The universe loves golden opportunities like this. Oh, you think coughing is bad? How about not breathing? Yeah, write a poem about THAT at 2:00 in the morning while you're on the phone with the advice nurse. So, yeah. Chris' cough was, um... (small

Lenanoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-11616125759763545552009-02-22T20:29:00.000-08:002009-02-22T21:21:41.407-08:00

I spent all weekend cleaning, which is what I know normal moms and wives do in their free time, but for me it had obvious deep psychological reasons since I HATE to clean. I just needed something in my life to be in order or I felt I was going to lose my freaking mind. As if looming unemployment weren’t enough, both Chris and Savannah have been sick for a week resulting in fevers, puking, and

Lenanoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-45890478413480024962009-01-31T17:50:00.000-08:002009-01-31T18:04:08.121-08:00

I keep waiting for things to NOT SUCK to write, but... wow. That will be a long time.So, yeah.Chris was laid off. (-1)I'm working full time. (-1)Which means I have an excuse to buy $19.99 cardigans at Target. (+1)But, I make about 11 cents an hour. (-1)And my boss has man boobs. (-1)And closes his eyes while he talks. (-1)But, I do have a big office. (+1)Which shares a wall with the men's

Lenanoreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-51600534287597938812008-11-22T09:43:00.003-08:002008-11-22T09:44:36.385-08:00

The government seized Chris' bank last night.Hold me.I wonder what wine pairs well with SPAM?

Lenanoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-84221779964466716932008-11-17T13:05:00.000-08:002008-11-17T13:09:28.359-08:00

I planned on writing about how Chris works for a mortgage bank - how he's always worked for a bank - and about how that has always served us well . . .until now.I was going to tell some funny stories about how all year we've joked around about the economy - how I call him and ask "Are you at a desk . . .ooor on a curb?". How I frequently suggest that he should ask his boss if he's thirsty or

Lenanoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-50287961191287423202008-11-12T16:06:00.001-08:002008-11-12T16:28:14.471-08:00

After a very long month of unpacking boxes and hanging pictures and painting (Savannah’s room is such a hideous shade of pink that it looks like we’ve been slaughtering farm animals in there) I’m finally ready to enjoy my new little home. And I do mean little. If you come in the front door too fast you’ll run right out the back door. The only person not laughing at this image is Chris since he

Lenanoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-4308696541797746572008-10-10T10:30:00.000-07:002008-10-10T10:50:59.780-07:00

Hi lambs. Sorry to subject you to that lame post for the last 5 days.(You know how a story is really funny in person? And you call all your friends and tell them and everyone's hysterically laughing and it's the bestest story ever and then you try to write it and it just ....doesn't translate? Yeah. So. Sorry about that. You really should just give me your phone numbers I think.)Anyway,

Lenanoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-12759573201734842962008-10-06T13:33:00.000-07:002008-10-06T16:41:01.688-07:00

Scene: On IM this morning.Lena: "Mom, my car got broken into last night! I think they stole my checkbook!"Lena's Mom: "Lena! Oh no! Did you lock your car?"Lena: "Yes! I always do!" --> (all indignant)Lena's Mom: "How do you think they got in?"Lena: "Through the windows."Lena's Mom: "Did they break them??"Lena: "No. I left them down."Lena's Mom: ". . ."Lena: "It gets hot here, Mom."Lena: "Mom?"

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-35275543568929353222008-09-29T10:37:00.000-07:002008-09-29T10:46:26.111-07:00

Oh, she's good.Girl B called and invited Savannah over today. And Savannah wanted to go. So, I said yes.I feel dirty.I'll write more later. Plus, maybe I should give you the dirty detailed back story this time. But, I can't right now because my mom is on her way and she just called and I totally lied and said I just got out of the shower when really I haven't even brushed my teeth and now I

Lenanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-91540530935481879972008-09-26T17:43:00.000-07:002008-09-29T06:44:15.563-07:00

Oh my God. Did I say I wasn't going to talk about money? Because I'm totally about to talk about money.Chris would kill me if I advertised what I have in my bank account, so I won't. But let's just say it rhymes with smeventeen dollars.I know. I'm too old to have smeveteen dollars in my checking account!But, we're trying so hard to pay off these credit cards. A little too hard it turns out

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-58258836867646787532008-09-24T16:49:00.000-07:002008-09-24T16:49:27.042-07:00

I really hate confrontation.But, not in the same way normal people don't like confrontation. I don't like it because I'm afraid I won't win. It's not that I'm afraid that I'll hurt someone's feelings or burn a bridge or say things I can't take back. I'm afraid they might not walk away haggard going "damn, she's good". (Being married to me doesn't only empty your bank account! It also comes

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-2324245647948078942008-09-18T08:09:00.002-07:002008-09-18T11:49:13.670-07:00

What better way to kick off my return to the internet than with a word problem? Guess what age…oh my God, I just had to interrupt this entry to run outside and yell to the garbage man “you’ve been paid!” so he would stop and take my cans. And I shouted across the neighborhood like this “No! No! No! You’ve been paid! Come take my cans!” as I waggled my finger at him in Target pajama pants and no

Lenanoreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-53396101339758784382008-09-17T08:31:00.001-07:002008-09-17T08:31:29.034-07:00

...to come back.

Lenanoreply@blogger.com54tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-61129519720135691772008-01-03T08:15:00.001-08:002008-03-03T21:51:46.063-08:00

I never like it when bloggers announce "a hiatus". I feel like you could have used the time you took to tell us that you're not going to write to...uh, write. But, now I get it. It's hard to put down into words what you're the last to figure out: you need a break. I need a break. For awhile. It may be a longish one.All I know is that I need to officially close this door right now. I need to shift

Lenanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-39245749901639532872007-12-08T22:18:00.000-08:002008-03-03T21:51:26.404-08:00

I just ordered these calendars from Pottery Barn for my office and that seems to have excited me so much that I've been jerked awake from my writing coma.Life continues to feel like I'm getting hit by a car every day. Combined, my new thriving business, online behind the scenes work for Cafe Mom, and writing expectations from Warner Bros. continue to keep me so busy that yesterday I wore my

Lenanoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-5269868427565383802007-11-23T05:31:00.000-08:002008-03-03T21:47:31.570-08:00

It would be so boring if I told you I was busy.Like, "Yeah, we get it, Lena. You're busy. Then why don't you just shut down your blog if you're not going to, you know, write on it?". But, see that's the thing. I will never stop writing. This is just a temporary phase - I'm only busy right now because my business is so new and it is kicking my bee-hind.I've been trying to think of exactly how to

Lenanoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-46079134004404288382007-11-12T10:05:00.000-08:002008-03-03T21:37:26.238-08:00

Chris didn't want me to tell Savannah that we were headed to a Hannah Montana concert where we would be meeting Miley Cyrus until she and I actually walked into the arena.I found this to be a bad idea for two reasons:1. I was way too excited and could not possibly contain my secret for the hour long drive to San Diego (plus, my ears have a tendency to bleed when fielding the same repeated

Lenanoreply@blogger.com41tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-88578349404846234232007-11-11T12:55:00.000-08:002007-11-11T13:28:04.268-08:00

Okay, Miss Smarty Pants Internet.More later, including What 10,000 12-Year-Olds Sound Like When Their Heads Are Exploding, How Old Are the Jonas Brothers Because I Probably Should Be Arrested and Why I Can't Ever Find Where I'm Supposed To Go Unless Someone Takes My Hand and Guides My Tearful Self?I'll be back soon with all the glorious photographic evidence...(and not in three weeks, Kate).P.S.

Lenanoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-25459493302252970302007-11-07T18:34:00.000-08:002007-11-07T19:02:38.021-08:00

You will NEVER guess where I am taking Savannah as a surprise tomorrow. Never!I'm going to write about it tomorrow, but I thought it would be fun to throw it out there now and see who guesses first, you or Savannah. So far, Savannah has convinced herself it's the park or the bookstore. Ha! She has big dreams.But, I have faith in you, internet. I know you'll come through. And if you do I will take

Lenanoreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-76354788629647832622007-11-05T13:36:00.000-08:002007-11-05T16:04:59.715-08:00

Oh my God, save me from the serious people!Did you know that there are professional people out there who, like, call you while you’re on a playdate and email you when you want to write on your blog and fax you when you want to watch Dancing With the Stars? They call themselves clients and they want you to, like, work when they pay you.Very annoying.So, I've been over here having conference calls

Lenanoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-33230552067787070782007-10-25T12:07:00.000-07:002007-10-25T12:17:00.922-07:00

I have one question: where are the locusts? Seriously. We've had a flood, ants, mice, they discontinued my favorite creamer (CoffeeMate Chocolate Raspberry where are you?), and now fires.Fires have literally formed a ring around southern California. And there is nothing funny about fire. There is nothing funny about the absolute devastation that has been unfolding over the last five days.Ash

Lenanoreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-36177191520642240222007-10-15T18:14:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:34:36.875-08:00

Dear Savannah,It seems like just yesterday that your daddy peeked over the sheet that separated me from you in the delivery room and cried "She's beautiful!".It seems like just yesterday that you would ball your hands into tiny fists and scream "Teeeee!" whenever a cat would walk by.It seems like just yesterday that I spent all day teaching you how to pump your little arm up and down and say "Hi.

Lenanoreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-65999659207666406102007-10-11T13:31:00.000-07:002007-10-11T14:17:20.897-07:00

We're headed to the Bay Area today to attend my cousin’s wedding.(So, if you'd like to come over and watch Sex & the City reruns while eating Wheat Thins and petting the cat with your foot, feel free. Then it will be business as usual around here.)I can’t decide if I’m more excited about seeing all of my friends and family or about being able to sit uninterrupted for six hours to eat Road Trip

Lenanoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-13584178604076830652007-10-09T14:33:00.001-07:002007-10-10T15:39:47.622-07:00

What? It's not Delurk Week? Well, I'll be horn swaggled.My bad.Actually, I'm pretty excited about what's been occupying my time, but I cannot speak of it just yet. No, I'm not pregnant. No, I'm not writing a book. So, in other words, probably boring to you. But, very exciting to me!Speaking of exciting, something bad happened to me last night while cooking dinner. (Aside from the usual kind of

Lenanoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-90653387961738583552007-10-03T10:24:00.000-07:002007-10-03T17:05:44.832-07:00

So, I'm in the middle of writing this thoughtful post about mothering. (Or maybe it was about shoes. I don't recall.) But, then I notice lo and behold that today is The Great Mofo Delurk Day! Because we are a classy bunch.I've never participated in a delurk day and I'm a little scared. (What if I hung these streamers and bought these donuts for nothing?)So, in the interest of making this somewhat

Lenanoreply@blogger.com122tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-68770456896996669982007-10-01T14:19:00.000-07:002007-10-02T15:44:52.552-07:00

Me: "Savannah, can you please get my coffee out of the car?"Her: *big dramatic sigh* "Why do I always have to to get things out of the car?"Me: "Well, I used to always get things out of the car. Like you. And aren't you glad I did that?"*****Check out my Twitter today. You know I can't post about it, but I can Twitter it. Here today, gone tomorrow. Awesome. ----->

Lenanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-88098092213340934282007-09-28T12:30:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:31:21.979-08:00

Before I moved to Orange County from the San Francisco bay area four years ago I wondered whether the OC stereotype was true.Would there really be rows and rows of tree lined streets and manicured yards?Would attractive men of ambiguous age with carefully arranged “careless” hairstyles spill out of every Starbucks one hand on their BlackBerry, the other on their extra foam soy chai latte?Would

Lenanoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-47733119264843900022007-09-26T11:31:00.000-07:002007-09-26T12:19:22.597-07:00

I know I said I was going to write about other things today, but I have something much more interesting to talk about.I found my ex-boyfriend's blog last night.*I haven't talked to him in almost ten years. And yet I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought of him pretty regularly since. Not because I loved him. But, because he didn't love me.This is a boy who turned me inside out.A boy who held me

Lenanoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-88217601061378749152007-09-21T11:13:00.000-07:002007-09-21T11:29:47.006-07:00

Except that I have a raging migraine. As a matter of fact, I'm typing this right now with one eye closed. Arrgh, matey! (...see, even my jokes are bad. If that's not proof, I don't know what is.)I will be back soon to share with you all the fantastic happenings in the Land of Lena. Among these delectable topics will be:Our Total Money Makeover update (it's so bad, it's good)The Renter's stigma

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-67599278427909191092007-09-17T10:42:00.000-07:002007-09-17T12:48:07.614-07:00

Oh, crap. I'm the mother of that girl.Seeing as my geeky blood runs through Savannah's veins, I assumed she would struggle socially in school like I did. I figured it was a give-in that girls would tease her and boys would virtually ignore her, save for that one time Johnathan Green would express a desire to take a bath with her (the social highlight of my entire elementary experience and

Lenanoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-84082667503213875942007-09-13T21:57:00.000-07:002007-10-22T16:28:47.629-07:00

It's a funny thing, blogging.I look at you all as my friends. We may not talk much or know each other outside of our blogs and I'm terribly horribly awful at answering emails, so you may not even feel my love. But, I promise, it's there.Throughout our entire house ordeal, I am embarrassed to admit that I thought of you often. I included you in staging the house when we listed it 105 years ago. I

Lenanoreply@blogger.com50tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-15512967410299517702007-09-06T11:44:00.000-07:002007-09-10T12:34:25.903-07:00

June 8, 2001 (Excerpted from my Pregnancy Journal)GIRL! GIRL! GIRL! GIRL! We're having a girl! Yaaaaay!!! I met you today, little girl. We had our first ultrasound and I saw you move! I saw you kick! You're the size of an avocado and you look like a little gymnast in there! I am blessed. All I wanted was a daughter. All I wanted was you. A baby girl!~~~TodayI crept into your dark room early

Lenanoreply@blogger.com124tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-88212207534499313142007-08-31T23:10:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:27:12.051-08:00

This chapter is finally closed.Let's not speak of it again.

Lenanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-49733851381063126042007-08-29T09:43:00.000-07:002007-10-22T16:23:15.859-07:00

Okay, who wants to hold me? Seriously.Who wants to hold me??"The buyers have an issue with their loa*n." Those were my realtor's words yesterday.I didn't even want to tell you because I know how dramatic and irrational you guys get. (Oh, wait. That's me.) But, since you're along for the ride (and what a ride it has been, eh? Please keep your arms and legs inside at all times.) I think it's only

Lenanoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-22231752532612939142007-08-24T12:42:00.000-07:002009-08-21T08:19:25.704-07:00

Six weeks ago Chris and I lay in bed one night going over and over the figures into the wee hours of the next morning.We spoke of due dates, m*rtgage adjustments, market losses, credit card cash advances, liquidating retirement accounts, personal loans, listing times, price reductions. We mentally clung so tightly to the hope that we would be able to get an offer that would pay these m*rtgages

Lenanoreply@blogger.com74tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-41217476746135295222007-08-21T12:59:00.000-07:002009-08-21T08:21:43.561-07:00

Every day during the last two weeks of this escr*w process, I have assigned a ratio to the likelihood that this escr*w will actually close on August 31. It varies depending on the tone of the conversation with the m*rtgage companies.On Friday when my imaginary friend, the sh*rt s*le speci*list, told me that the offer "looked good", I immediately called Chris and announced that the new figure was

Lenanoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-73126929726630679702007-08-19T20:55:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:23:32.986-08:00

Oh, internet. You're so cute when you're feisty.In response to recent inquiry from my concerned - albeit a bit presumptuous - commenters and emailers, I present to you in handy Q&A form, The Anatomy of a BMW Purchase.Q. Lena, how could you pile on more debt when you haven't sold your house??A. It was pretty simple, actually. Although, it did require both hands and a flashlight.Q. Why aren't you

Lenanoreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-51167874381031240702007-08-16T08:12:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:17:54.970-08:00

I've let myself hope so hard about the future that when I walked outside this morning I thought I saw a BMW in my driveway. Chris thought it might make 30 a little easier. It does. As a matter of fact 30 is so easy so far that I don't think she's wearing panties anymore.As an added bonus, I've found that it's less difficult to feel hopeful about your future when you wouldn't mind living in your

Lenanoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-42729026702026942202007-08-13T10:26:00.000-07:002007-08-13T12:23:22.151-07:00

Have you heard? Not everyone had an awesome time at BlogHer. A thousand women in one place and not every single person had the time of their life (I can't not think of Dirty Dancing when I say "time of my life", can you?).I'm not going to link to anyone's complaints in particular because everyone is entitled to voice their feelings in their own space without someone calling them out. But, I will

Lenanoreply@blogger.com84tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-75999313184630646212007-08-10T10:01:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:15:14.038-08:00

Wouldn't it be hilarious if I woke up on my birthday to the sounds of Chris quickly moving around downstairs and snuggled into the covers while thinking "I really don't want breakfast this early, but I'll need to act happy when he serves me" and then Chris appeared at the foot of the bed a few minutes later and announced "We have a huge problem"?It turns out, I really am an ant and the universe

Lenanoreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-57377306206885277432007-08-08T10:39:00.001-07:002008-03-03T21:13:35.146-08:00

Dear 20 year old Lena,You know that guy that you can't stop thinking about? The rich one with the big lifted truck and all the toys? The one you're only dating because all the girls love him and all the guys want to be him? The one who exploits you and you continue to take it? Yeah, that one. You're better than that, Lena. You're beautiful and smart and worth so much more than the crumbs he sends

Lenanoreply@blogger.com140tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-21769374165657005242007-08-06T10:01:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:07:43.408-08:00

The view from our new house.Every morning I pull back the curtains and open the windows and breathe in the ocean air. I go downstairs and pour a cup of coffee and wander into the backyard with the cats where we rub our backs across the patio. I take a deep breath and reflect upon how much I love this house and this town and this view. Then I go back inside and call our realtor, where I spend the

Lenanoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-79662292275995997062007-08-01T18:00:00.000-07:002007-08-02T08:58:43.926-07:00

1. When you are an hour away from LAX for your Chicago flight and you're stuck in traffic and running out of gas and not one, but two (!), gas stations are "closed for repairs", even though you've never seen anything like that before in your life, and Yvonne calls you from the airport to tell you that it took her an hour to even get through security and "ARE YOU GOING TO MISS THE PLANE?" you will

Lenanoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-32037476376394832212007-07-30T23:59:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:02:41.484-08:00

I actually wrote this during a BlogHer session this weekend, but never got around to finishing it with all the constant squeeing going on around me at the conference. Which I'll write about later, because I've discovered I'm quite squeeable.Anyway.I have known all weekend that we are officially in escrow. We sold our house.I've been afraid to type the words. I still am. Without going into too

Lenanoreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-9331831663262080482007-07-24T13:56:00.000-07:002008-03-03T21:01:30.242-08:00

We have two offers! TWO! OFFERS!Both offers have their issues, but this is still very very good news.I almost want to feel hopeful.pleasepleaseplease

Lenanoreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-77950818549308592772007-07-20T08:47:00.000-07:002007-07-20T15:55:22.597-07:00

My friend said to me last night "Oh, you must be so glad to get out of there. I bet you were completely packed in a day."The truth is, I have not even made a dent in our packing and we move tomorrow. All week I keep asking myself why I haven't been in a mad happy dash clearing out of this house. When she said that last night though (and why wouldn't she? can you even imagine what my friends have

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-24683787431293223932007-07-19T13:42:00.000-07:002007-07-19T13:53:37.991-07:00

So. Let's talk about it. That thing over there to the right. Something about me and words that are scheduled to come out of my mouth at some conference thingy in Chicago next week.Here's the thing: I have no idea what I'm going to say on this Momosphere panel. (Lisa Stone says "What delightful news!")I'm hoping it will be like last year where the moderator keeps the conversation moving along with

Lenanoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-75313235450439259262007-07-18T07:29:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:59:47.833-08:00

I called the stylist last night and told her off. Told her voice mail off, anyway. The mullet made me do it. I think it's giving me special powers.It is not like me at all to voice my anger like that, but last night after I washed my hair and tried to style it I wanted to punch someone. It really is such a ridiculous haircut that there is no rhyme or reason to it. It's not even like it's a bad

Lenanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-65793585005579492222007-07-16T16:55:00.001-07:002007-07-17T08:43:29.924-07:00

There's no easy way to say this, so I'm going to have to just come right out with it. I know that this will shock some of you. You may not be able to read the entire post. There may be some tears.I have a mullet.Not just like a "haha when you part your hair that way it does sort of look mullet-y", but an honest-to-Nascar "business in the front party in the back" mullet.I asked to have my BANGS

Lenanoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-86396071092823769112007-07-12T23:20:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:57:13.656-08:00

Can someone please punch me in the face? Just knock me out. Please?A house down the street just went into contract. It is smaller than us. It is listed higher than us. And it went into escrow yesterday.This is baffling for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that we don't think these buyers even looked at our house. Our house backs to huge mature trees and a slope. Their house backs to

Lenanoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-17561041525510714772007-07-03T17:24:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:54:44.439-08:00

I'm literally bawling over here at your comments, you guys. If you were all in my kitchen right now, it would be Cheddar Bunnies and ice cream for everyone! (I may be broke, but I know how to throw a party.)This week has been a test run for the rest of my life. After four years of being together every day, Chris started his new job yesterday and, get this, they won't let me come with him! I know,

Lenanoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-4054667473299410962007-07-02T10:10:00.000-07:002009-08-21T08:20:34.553-07:00

The house situation is coming to a point where a lot of dirty words are getting thrown around. Words I cannot even bring myself to type.The reason why I haven't been writing is because, quite frankly, I've been too busy gaping in awe at my life right now. How could it possibly be coming to this? That is what Chris and I have spent the last week asking ourselves.I wrote this last week late one

Lenanoreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-25876456597733248212007-06-21T13:26:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:52:09.464-08:00

We're leaving in exactly one hour to go visit family this weekend.* I am exactly five hours behind schedule.Today's Schedule (as it was written out last night)7:00 - 8:00 : Write for Mamapop - do tomorrow's posts today!8:00 - 9:00 : Clean entire house for Saturday's Open House!9:00 - 10:00 : Shower. Take Savannah to school.11:00 - 12:00 : Buy cat food, pick up pants from cleaners, buy bathing

Lenanoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-22772672481529241492007-06-18T13:41:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:40:51.909-08:00

Five minutes is all it would take for our lives to turn around. Chris would receive a phone call offering him the job and I would get a call from our realt*r with a full price offer. In that moment, living in this disintegrating neighborhood in this dying city would give way to packing our things and moving from the desert to the coast. From sweltering heat to ocean. From parched to

Lenanoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-66201858880831527252007-06-12T00:25:00.000-07:002007-10-22T15:47:25.400-07:00

First off, I have the best readers ever. The end.Second, as I feared, the subject of this post has produced some fallout in my personal life and while I have much to say on this topic, I will be keeping my personal experience out of it. Not because I don't think my experience is mine to share, but because I realize that this is the internet and I cannot control who is reading what I write and

Lenanoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-57631193195549731522007-06-11T12:23:00.001-07:002007-06-13T08:43:52.785-07:00

Chris is in an interview at this very moment.An interview for a job which would allow us to make more money and move back to Orange County.His boss was fired last week and his boss' boss gave Chris the opportunity to interview for a similar position (apparently, not his boss' actual position because Chris is still a young whippersnapper). If Chris gets this job, it will make our lives a whole lot

Lenanoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-76525839872551380142007-06-07T12:35:00.001-07:002007-06-18T14:53:47.317-07:00

I've had this post rolling around in my head for the past few days because I'm scared to actually write it. Not because I'm scared of you guys (who could be scared of you? look how cute you are), but because I fear that my husband will not be pleased with me bringing up this subject.The problem is, it brings itself up.It is in the back of my mind almost every day. So, I have no choice but to

Lenanoreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-37151113342911984442007-05-30T18:27:00.000-07:002007-05-30T20:25:43.691-07:00

You can pretty much just read this post and that will fill you in on what's been going on lately. People offer low. We counter high (yet, still below market). They are never to be heard from again. Rinse and repeat.So, let's talk about pleasant things, can we?Like, how we went to the lake with friends this weekend.Where I drank way too many Mike's Hard Berry's and started wearing the kids'

Lenanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-32122236807280341962007-05-21T14:15:00.000-07:002007-10-22T16:18:26.997-07:00

I was just looking at the option in Blogger for "change language" and I think I'm going to change this entire website to German. Just until the house sells. Then you'd no longer need to subject yourselves to the craptacular wonder that is my life.Frikon this scheisse!Oops! There I go again, being negative. I already forgot my new goal: to be ridiculously, unreasonably, psychotropic-ally

Lenanoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-92099012095267775702007-05-17T09:46:00.000-07:002007-10-22T15:45:43.304-07:00

We just received another purchase offer.(Is it you guys? Did you collectively pool your money just to put my pathetic self out of my misery? So that I can write a post that doesn't have the words "realt*r" and "woe" and "misery" in it? And Chris can go back to just being Chris instead of the White Stallion?)I'm visualizing happy things.I'm visualizing a full-price purchase agreement. I'm

Lenanoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-75455356173025132092007-05-14T16:53:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:36:33.616-08:00

Updated BelowI woke up Saturday morning in a foul mood. Which was weird because on Friday night I felt happy and positive. Chris and I and Savannah went out for Mexican food and I had two margaritas. One was happy. One was positive. Ha!But, then Saturday morning I felt sad and mopey and I went downstairs and sat in our front window and looked out on the very presentable street (sans crazy people)

Lenanoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-76946032594429383122007-05-08T11:06:00.000-07:002007-10-22T15:22:29.684-07:00

I would welcome this as an entertaining plot twist were this not my life.One couple came through the house last week. One.For the first time in literally a full year everything came together in our neighborhood last weekend. Almost every lawn was mowed and green. Spring disguised weeds into "wildflowers". The sky was a crisp blue adorned with big fluffy white clouds. People were actually out

Lenanoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-10045345516471783282007-04-30T13:11:00.000-07:002007-10-22T16:16:10.260-07:00

Hey, guess what? We got an offer!(The crowd goes wild.)For $25,000 less than we're listed!(Crowd throws popcorn at computer screen and leaves.)I know! I'm thinking what you're thinking! How can so much awesomeness keep happening to one wee person?Our realt*r called yesterday and said the four little words that I pray to hear every time the phone rings: "We got an offer". Except, apparently I've

Lenanoreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-82506537597366512362007-04-27T11:43:00.000-07:002007-04-27T22:35:12.938-07:00

Last night we went out to dinner. For no other reason than that it was 6:00 and Chris and Savannah had materialized at the end of my bed where I sat at my laptop (typing words! all day! worrds!) looking all helpless and miserable and inquiring about dinner.This is normally where I play a little game I like to call "Oh, I Hadn't Noticed the Time!". (I had.) But, instead I suggested we go out to

Lenanoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-52957346989456359602007-04-25T12:53:00.000-07:002007-04-25T13:54:48.988-07:00

"...not accepting new kindergarten students""...overflow school is full...""...backup overflow school almost full...""...we assigned new students using a lottery""...must prove residency with two pieces of mail, signed affidavit...""...if you claim you live with your mother, she must sign an affidavit...""...penalty of perjury...""...matriculation starts next week...hurry"In other words, the two

Lenanoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-18975647237448994732007-04-23T16:49:00.000-07:002008-03-03T20:32:23.739-08:00

A riddle: If the Start of Kindergarten is on a train traveling south at 100mph to our New City and I'm on a rusty unicycle traveling north at 1mph to our New City, what are the chances that my unicycle and I are going to get there first?Hmm? Any guesses? I have a guess! And it wakes me up violently in the middle of the night!Savannah starts kindergarten in August. Well, August is a ways away, you

Lenanoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-86339547860992788472007-04-16T17:22:00.000-07:002007-10-22T16:15:12.749-07:00

I'm so wildly unpredictable!Remember that scene in American Beauty where realt*r Annette Bening is preparing to show a property and she's scrubbing the counters and cleaning the windows in her slip and repeating "I will sell this house today. I will sell this house today"? And she throws the curtains open and the room is flooded with sunlight and she's so full of hope?Then she shows a few

Lenanoreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-69966643264128950232007-04-14T02:23:00.000-07:002007-04-13T16:53:46.756-07:00

I keep buying Savannah baby dolls and then playing with them myself. Okay, not playing with them, but there may have been an outfit change. And perhaps one or more babies were burped. In an effort to get her interested, of course.But, Savannah would much rather play with her eighteen frillion stuffed animals. (That baby is nice and all mom, but it doesn't have soft fur. Or a tail.)Since this has

Lenanoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36418550.post-52248824433323772132007-04-12T13:46:00.000-07:002007-10-22T16:10:24.926-07:00

Did I mention that the water department threatened to turn off our water today? I didn't? Well, I can't imagine why not - that is some excellent blog fodder.And when I went to pay the two month old bill yesterday I said something to the Water District rep about "selling our house" and "realt*rs coming through all the time at a moment's notice" and "shoving piles of crap in places and then leaving

Lenanoreply@blogger.com15