Housewives of OC, It Was Real

First of all, I just want you to know that Valerie Bertinelli is wearing a shirt I own in the new Jenny Craig ads. From this I can tell you with some authority that 1) Jenny Craig stylists shop Nordstrom Rack and 2) I hate that shirt on me for the same reason Valerie probably does and that’s why she has to have her hands on her hips. So she’ll have a waist.

Do with that information what you see fit. Please don’t start a riot.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

We’re moving next month. Again. This will be our third move in as many years.

All of our friends and family have already let us know that they’re “busy that weekend” without even asking which weekend we’re moving. I don’t blame them. During our last move our good friend’s liver was pinned against a doorway by my refrigerator for a good part of the day.

If I were being honest I’d admit that I’m actually looking forward to this move, to the change of scenery, to new routines, to being forced to organize and clean.

What I’m not looking forward to is the packing and actual moving followed by the inevitable living out of boxes for, oh, a year. The funny thing is, every time we move I swear to Chris that this move will be different than the others.

I say “This will be the most organized move yet!”

For our last move I came up with the brilliant idea to color code and number the boxes instead of labeling them. Every room would have a color: green=dining room, red=Savannah’s room, and so on. Then every box would be numbered.

So, instead of writing “TOYS & BOOKS – SAVANNAH’S ROOM” I would put a red dot sticker on the box and a number.

Then – are you still reading this? - I had a spiral notebook that had every room written down next to its color code along with the number and its contents.

“What’s that? You need your green sweater? Why, that’s in box red twelve!”

We were going to be so organized!

Except I lost the notebook on moving day.

And then we ran out of colored stickers.

In the end we had about 50 boxes piled throughout the new house without a clue as to what was in them or where they belonged. I’d discover the pots and pans while trying to find shoes. Savannah would happen upon the knives while getting ready for school.

It was awesome.

This time, though, I have it all figured out.

I’m hiring strangers to come pack up my crap! They’ll wrap my glasses, they’ll fold my clothes, they’ll herd my three cats into a cage. I think they’ll even carry me out on a chair. Well worth the money.

I’m really just trying to do whatever I can to calm my nerves about this move. Because this is a big one.

We’re leaving Orange county…for L.A. county.


I think that’s probably all I can say about that right now because my chest is feeling tight again. The idea of raising my daughter in L.A. county – even if it is a safe little suburb where we’re headed – has taken three years to get used to. But, I know it’s the right move for us. We’ll be closer to family, Savannah will be attending an award-winning school, and we already have close friends living there.

It’s really going to be an instant social life for us. As opposed to the lurching progress we’ve made here with friendships. Which I do want to write about more fully in the near future because I really must articulate my observations of Orange county and its oddly passive aggressive atmosphere or I’ll explode. I’m sure of it.

But, I’ll save that for when I have a new address. Just in case I want to name names.

So, next week we sign the new lease for our new townhouse on the golf course. And I really think this will be the last stop for us. This will be the place where we finally take root. Where we buy a house. Where we expand our family. Where we call home.

Or at least where we make new unsuspecting friends who’ll help us move again.


A Futile Effort To Catch Up On My Not Being Dead

It's almost criminal how long it's been since I've written. I promise to do better in 2010. In fact, that is my only New Year's Resolution.

Life has been busy. In the sense that most of it has been spent sitting on my couch with my laptop drinking endless Starbucks lattes* and working. So, intellectually busy. (Except for the embarrassing number of hours I've spent playing Mario Brothers** on the Wii*** with Savannah. Although, jumping on that fire-breathing dragon takes alot of mental effort. I know this because my brain hurts afterwards. That's what happens when you revisit an activity in your 30's that you excelled at in your teens. See also: ice skating.)

I've been trying to come up with a clever way to recap 2009. In pictures? With song? Hand puppets? Pig Latin? But, in the end, you and I both know that if I try to get overly clever I'll be wrapping up 2009 sometime in the Spring.

I don't want to scare myself off.

So, I just need to sum up this last year so that I can shut the godforsaken door on 2009 and usher 2010 in properly.

We had a health scare
I dyed my hair
I gained twenty pounds
My face has never been so round

We're almost out of debt

This is as good as it's gonna get

We're able to save again

We should be able to buy another house in 3010

We paid off our car

Now I can fully stock my bar

We're bringing up our FICO

Only 300 more points to go!

Savannah started second grade

I can't keep track of all the friends she's made

I have to laugh

That she's already better than I am at math

I turned 32
I got the swine flu
The virus was a breeze
Compared to what 32 is doing to my knees

My mom gave me a gift that made me sob
She had a book made out of my blog
Five years of posts make it abundantly clear

I used to be much funnier

I assure you I gave that no forethought. The jealousy. It's overwhelming you.

Since clearly this post is turning into Cheese Central, I'll go ahead and just give you a rundown of the highlights and lowlights of 2009.

Favorite Purchase of '09: Gap yoga pants**** (And I bought an iPhone in '09 so this is saying something.)

If you do not own at least one pair of Gap yoga pants, life is passing you by, my friend.

Favorite Book of '09: The Help *****

I curled up on a chair in the living room with this book on Friday and by Sunday morning Chris was desperately offering to read to me out loud if I would just please get up and go take a shower? Or maybe some mouthwash?

Most Overrated Movie of '09: New Moon

I tried, people. Really I did. I mean, I'm excited about The Babysitter's Club book series making a comeback, so I know I have it in me. It's just...the dialogue. I think I could have written every line of this movie on the palm of my hand.

Bella stares

Edward: "I want you"

Bella: "I want you too"

Edward stares at Bella

Bella stares at Edward

Somebody runs

Somebody glistens

Everyone is angsty

I just...don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm a 32-year-old whose favorite purchase all year was a pair of yoga pants?

Most Favorite Beauty Product of '09: REN Glycolactic Skin Renewal Peel ******

Helloooo, 29 again. That is all.

Drink I Was Most Confused By in '09: Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Lattes. I think they taste like... spit? Sorry, I can't think of any other way to describe it.

Best Moment of '09: I'm going to have to go with when Chris found out he still had a job. And got a raise. Since there were tears and fudge involved.

Worst Show of '09: Jersey Shore.

This show is horrendous.



I haven't missed an episode. I am ashamed.

Favorite Song of '09: The Fear by Lily Allen.

Maybe it's because I live in southern California, but the verse "everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner" just nails the attitude around here sometimes. Suddenly flabby feels very courageous.

So, welcome, 2010! Can I get your coat? Would you like a drink? Kick off your shoes! Because you and I are going to be very good friends. AREN'T. WE. A house, a baby, and perfectly arched eyebrows. That is all I ask from you.

*Bought by me.
**Bought by Chris.
***Bought by Visa.
****Bought by Mastercard
*****Bought by Paypal
******Stolen from my mother's bathroom counter.

Don't you just love the new world of blogging? Disclaimers, it's what's for lunch.

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