I Think This Means I’m Famouser

OK, I have to make this snappy because I have a busy day ahead of me of moving aka “directing off-duty firefighters where to put my things”. (I love Craigslist.)

I’ll be sure to be online today though since yesterday I made the tragic mistake of turning my back on the internet and apparently sent a bunch of DM’s on Twitter saying I was 24 and horny. Which, sadly, isn’t true in either case. That’s the real tragedy, when your spam is more exciting than you are.

In addition to sexually harassing my Twitter followers, I also managed to pack up my entire house and finish the laundry because by God this better be the first move where we don’t bring over five garbage bags full of dirty clothes. That’s not cute after college. Or 30.

Moving on.

I have some terribly exciting news.

Guess where I’ll be on Sunday, March 7.

oscars invite

That’s right. The Red Carpet.

Clearly, Robert Pattinson pulled some strings. I hope he doesn’t get the wrong impression when I show up with “bite me here” written in Sharpie on my neck. I just want to be friends.

I’ll write more about this crazy awesome invite next week and how it all happened. Especially because I need your advice about what to wear. I don’t want to upstage Angelina. Again. I can’t take the tears.


Issa said...

Dude. That is awesome.

So you're not a 24 year old horny whatever? Ha. I got that DM too. Funnier than getting it, was all the people who were like, wait I DIDN'T GET A spam DM from Lena. Gotta love it.

Y said...

Can you also write about how *I* was invited too, but then uninvited?

Because, clearly, I'm still bitter about that.


On your blog.


Remember, call me if you need help unpacking. I am serious! I love to help *other* people unpack.

Agent P or MamaJan said...

You had me at off-duty firefighters...

Sugar said...

I'm going to go sit in the bathroom with some candy & pretend not to be jealous at all!

Anonymous said...

I totally got your spam tweet and was disappointed that you weren't the hot and horny 24yo. :-( MWHAHA

R. Molder said...

I love your updates, can't wait for the Oscar stories!!!

JP said...


Also...good luck on the move!

Rock and Roll Mama said...

Angelina, Schmangelina. She can't help it that you're SMOOOOKIIIINNNNN!!!

Tho y'all will be about the same size- Bwahahahahahahahaha! Can't wait to hang out, yo! And I got your back if she gets all Lara Croft on your skinny A^&&&. xoxo, L

Agent P or MamaJan said...

Thinking of you! So what ARE you wearing tonight?? Will be looking for you on TV!

Anonymous said...

nobody cares.

DG said...

Dear Cheeky Lotus - did you know that yours was the first blog I ever read? Yes, it's true! And yes, I know, it IS quite an honor. Anyway, you are still my fave!

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