A Futile Effort To Catch Up On My Not Being Dead

It's almost criminal how long it's been since I've written. I promise to do better in 2010. In fact, that is my only New Year's Resolution.

Life has been busy. In the sense that most of it has been spent sitting on my couch with my laptop drinking endless Starbucks lattes* and working. So, intellectually busy. (Except for the embarrassing number of hours I've spent playing Mario Brothers** on the Wii*** with Savannah. Although, jumping on that fire-breathing dragon takes alot of mental effort. I know this because my brain hurts afterwards. That's what happens when you revisit an activity in your 30's that you excelled at in your teens. See also: ice skating.)

I've been trying to come up with a clever way to recap 2009. In pictures? With song? Hand puppets? Pig Latin? But, in the end, you and I both know that if I try to get overly clever I'll be wrapping up 2009 sometime in the Spring.

I don't want to scare myself off.

So, I just need to sum up this last year so that I can shut the godforsaken door on 2009 and usher 2010 in properly.

We had a health scare
I dyed my hair
I gained twenty pounds
My face has never been so round

We're almost out of debt

This is as good as it's gonna get

We're able to save again

We should be able to buy another house in 3010

We paid off our car

Now I can fully stock my bar

We're bringing up our FICO

Only 300 more points to go!

Savannah started second grade

I can't keep track of all the friends she's made

I have to laugh

That she's already better than I am at math

I turned 32
I got the swine flu
The virus was a breeze
Compared to what 32 is doing to my knees

My mom gave me a gift that made me sob
She had a book made out of my blog
Five years of posts make it abundantly clear

I used to be much funnier

I assure you I gave that no forethought. The jealousy. It's overwhelming you.

Since clearly this post is turning into Cheese Central, I'll go ahead and just give you a rundown of the highlights and lowlights of 2009.

Favorite Purchase of '09: Gap yoga pants**** (And I bought an iPhone in '09 so this is saying something.)

If you do not own at least one pair of Gap yoga pants, life is passing you by, my friend.

Favorite Book of '09: The Help *****

I curled up on a chair in the living room with this book on Friday and by Sunday morning Chris was desperately offering to read to me out loud if I would just please get up and go take a shower? Or maybe some mouthwash?

Most Overrated Movie of '09: New Moon

I tried, people. Really I did. I mean, I'm excited about The Babysitter's Club book series making a comeback, so I know I have it in me. It's just...the dialogue. I think I could have written every line of this movie on the palm of my hand.

Bella stares

Edward: "I want you"

Bella: "I want you too"

Edward stares at Bella

Bella stares at Edward

Somebody runs

Somebody glistens

Everyone is angsty

I just...don't get it. Maybe it's because I'm a 32-year-old whose favorite purchase all year was a pair of yoga pants?

Most Favorite Beauty Product of '09: REN Glycolactic Skin Renewal Peel ******

Helloooo, 29 again. That is all.

Drink I Was Most Confused By in '09: Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Lattes. I think they taste like... spit? Sorry, I can't think of any other way to describe it.

Best Moment of '09: I'm going to have to go with when Chris found out he still had a job. And got a raise. Since there were tears and fudge involved.

Worst Show of '09: Jersey Shore.

This show is horrendous.



I haven't missed an episode. I am ashamed.

Favorite Song of '09: The Fear by Lily Allen.

Maybe it's because I live in southern California, but the verse "everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner" just nails the attitude around here sometimes. Suddenly flabby feels very courageous.

So, welcome, 2010! Can I get your coat? Would you like a drink? Kick off your shoes! Because you and I are going to be very good friends. AREN'T. WE. A house, a baby, and perfectly arched eyebrows. That is all I ask from you.

*Bought by me.
**Bought by Chris.
***Bought by Visa.
****Bought by Mastercard
*****Bought by Paypal
******Stolen from my mother's bathroom counter.

Don't you just love the new world of blogging? Disclaimers, it's what's for lunch.


Kate said...

Whoa now... a baby?!? Do tell!

Sugar said...

This is how bad my memory is... I seriously thought for at least 6 seconds... she's not 32. I mean she is only one year older than me. Then I remembered I'm 31.

I guess I couldn't get pass the New Moon slam. OK OK OK the movies are horrible. I said it. But I don't care how much respect I lose from anyone, I'll always love the books & can't wait for my girls to read them. (I know. I'm cool.)

But of course, the most important part... baby! When am I being the surrogate?

Janice Ellen Wright said...

I'm just glad you're still alive. Whew. Yes, I am horribly jealous of the spur-of-the-moment '09 in poetry form.

Actually I could hear Eminem rapping it in my head, how'd you do THAT?

Must try the yoga pants, will skip the Starbucks. See how much you're needed out here??

serenity said...

I'm so happy to see you posting again. Woo!

And beyond that, my only thought while I was reading this is "Must.Get.Gap.Yoga.Pants."


Sad, huh?

Laura said...

ah, no gap yoga pants - I bought the Old Navy ones on sale, though, and I'm in love. They make my butt look good even without the yoga. :) Definitely going to try the skin cream - don't laugh, I'm too young to have wrinkles but med school gave me some anyway.

Crossing my fingers for you about the baby!

Chelle said...

Whomever is making your cinnamon dolce lattes is doing it WRONG, all wrong! When properly made, they taste like heaven. Or, I like the taste of cinnamon spit. God, I hope it's the former.

smom said...

Write a book already! I'm so excited to read a post from you, I can only imagine what buying your book would be like!

Diana said...

I am with Laura - the Old Navy yoga pants are awesome! I have a boo-tay, and they're still kind to me. Gap and Old Navy are the same corporation - guess they're sharing the love, all around. :)

A baby? A BABY? Do tell. Because I kinda sorta remember your blogs about almost dying when preggy with Savannah, and we need you around here to entertain us!

Oh? You thought your life was your own? HA! ;~)

Mrs JP Chaos said...

I think this may have been one of my very favorite 2009 recaps. (I'm totally not lying OR sucking up. I don't think. For sure I'm not lying.)

Here's to an awesome 2010. :)

Jae said...

Love love LOVE the '09 recap!

Pam said...

is it possible to love yoga pants w.o ever having actually done yoga? bc that would be me. :)
and I, too, am very happy to see you back, and yes, 2010 MUST be better.

Anonymous said...

Just started reading your blog and I LOVE IT! You are very creative and entertaining :)

Lena said...

The baby stuff will be doled out in several posts since it's s sensitive subject that makes me all teary and anxious.

Or Plan B. I drink a bottle of wine and spill it. The plan, not the wine. Although probably that too.

Lena said...

Oh, I haven't done yoga in a year and yoga pants are my UNIFORM. They make my butt do magical things. But, you must get the style with the foldover waistband. Instant girdle effect.

You're right about Old Navy's. Gap are similar fit but much better quality. Naturally.

Laura said...

So glad you are writing in your blog again!! :)

Anonymous said...

can you for the love of the LORD blog more. I missed it.

Lena said...

OK, I will. For the LORD.

Jo said...

So glad you are back!!! I don't comment often but I read faithfully. Looking forward to hearing from you way more often! I love how you keep it real. And funny. You are definately one of my favs!

Issas Crazy World said...

Okay, I had to read that three times to catch the baby part. Congrats.

Glad you are coming back. :)

Heidi said...

Yay! Missed you.

b said...

Welcome back gorgeous funny blogger! I love your blog. I was really mad at you for not blogging any more. You are forgiven as long as you keep your resolution. Mkay?

Diane said...

Oh you're back, Yay! More more please

Term papers said...

It's almost criminal how long it's been since You've written. You promise to do better in 2010. In fact, that is Your only New Year's Resolution.
You've been trying to come up with a clever way to recap 2009. In pictures? With song? Hand puppets? Pig Latin? But, in the end, Me and you both know that if You try to get overly clever You'll be wrapping up 2009 sometime in the Spring.

roadtoabudhabi said...

SO glad you are back in action. I have missed your posts. Oh, and because i usually love everything else you have to say i am going to overlook the New Moon slam. It was my least fav book of the series but loved what they did with the movie WAY more than the first movie. The angst is there, this is true, but it's the price we pay as adult women falling in love with teen fiction! I am ashamed to say I now have another teen read series fav.....The Hunger Games.....hmm...if you are drinking wine and about to spill baby news I am thinking you may be adopting??!! Can't wait to hear!

Anonymous said...

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