I Don't Think The FTC Saw This Coming

So. Since I'm a huge blogger I get flooded with emails all the time offering me free stuff.

I don't want to brag, but the other day I was offered The Singing Lizard's new CD. And then this other time I was offered 10% off a photo album for ME AND ALL MY READERS! 10%! Like you're only paying 90% (+ shipping)! Imagine what you could do with that 10% of savings (+ shipping)! You could buy that stamp you've had your eye on! Or surprise your child with that trip to the end of the driveway! Or flush the toilet again! Why not, you can afford it!

Anyway. I rarely get anything for free for review or otherwise. When I do, by some stroke of luck, it's fun little stuff for Savannah but frankly I feel awkward writing about it here because I'm 1 of about 10 people on the internet who started a blog because I think I can write and I don't really want to push goods. Although I probably will at some point start a review site because I'm willing to sell out if it's confined to one place. And I'm totally going to call it Goodie Pusher.

Anyway anyway. At Blogher a few months back Swiffer gave me (and everyone else) a coupon to try their NEW Swiffer for free. Already owning an old Swiffer and not being incredibly impressed with it, I immediately mailed in for the free Swiffer because I'm nothing if not lazy and Swiffer has really cornered the market on the Lazy Mom.

So, a week goes by and one day a box appears at my front door and I excitedly rip it open. I put the new Swiffer together, insert the solution bottle, admire it for a minute, and then hang it in the garage. Because I was tired from all that snapping into place.

That was about two months ago.

In those two months I've Swiffered my floors at least once a week every week.

And I hated the new Swiffer.

Everything I hated about the old Swiffer remained true.

It would spray weakly. The handle loop was too small to hang it on a hook. The bottle leaked when I turned it over to remove the cleaning pad. It wouldn't swivel over to the scouring pad no matter how hard I tried. I'd eventually have to reach down and manually turn the dirty pad over to the scouring pad side which skeeved me out.

This sucks! I said to myself. I was so annoyed. How can they pass this off as a NEW IMPROVED version when it's the same old crap?

During this time Swiffer started to email me. They were "looking forward to hearing my thoughts on the new and improved Swiffer!".

Trust me, you don't want me to write MY THOUGHTS, I thought smugly. I deleted their emails, annoyed. I imagined my scathing entry complete with pictures. Swiffer Tries To Pass Off Same Old Swiffer As New Swiffer. Swiffergate!

As I wrestled with the Swiffer one last time last week I thought You know what? I AM going to email them. Because it's about time that they got some good quality feedback about what a waste of their time it was to recreate the same crappy product and then pass it off as new! It even looks the same! They'll appreciate someone being honest for once.

I am so. glad. I. didn't.

I hung up the Swiffer in my laundry room where I normally do and then I went out to the garage to empty the garbage. Something I never do. The garage is a place I rarely go. As I walked back towards the door into the house something caught my eye. Hanging next to the door. On its new and improved large purple rubber loop.

It was the new Swiffer.


I had been using my old one. The. Entire. Time.

I'm pretty sure no one is ever going to send me anything ever again. I'm like a P.R. person's nightmare.

In full disclosure, I actually really like the new Swiffer in all of its swively-ness. So much so that I bought another one for upstairs (since this whole stinking house is hardwood which I thought I always wanted but now realize that with three cats and an eight year old it sounds like I live in a bowling alley).

So, technically this is NOT a review. And even if it were I'm pretty sure the Swiffer people would be banging their heads against the boardroom table wondering just where-oh-where the good ol days went when they didn't have to put up with these idiot bloggers and could just lock a homeless person in a room with a Swiffer, a clipboard, and a ham sandwich.

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