Pages

9.08.2009

Unfriending Is Awkward When You're Not On Facebook

We sort of make a big deal out of our anniversary every year. Our entire family gets together at a designated house and we do a ridiculously massive gift exchange (sound familiar? We call it Anniversary-mas). I will share photographic evidence as soon as I figure out how to transfer the photos to my new fancy netbook (Chris? Keep rockin like you do with the kickass gifts.)

Anyhoo, this year our anniversary celebration overlapped with the day that Savannah's class list is posted for an hour enlightening us with which teacher she will have for second grade. Also (small voice) what bitches I'll have to deal with.

Since our school district is now practicing "looping", where teachers try to advance along with their students thereby minimizing the changes and challenges for the kids, I was pretty confident that Savannah would keep the same teacher and the same class. We had been "warned" that some teachers may feel it necessary to move some students around to teachers "better suited for the child's needs" (read: I'm about to lose it on this kid). But other than that caveat it seemed second grade would be a nice carbon copy of first.

Chris had to work anyway so he was forced gracious enough
to stay in town an extra day and while he was at it, cruise by Savannah's school and see what awaited us on Tuesday.

I anxiously awaited Chris' phone call Friday.

At 2:02 p.m. the phone rang.

"She has Mrs. Teacher again."


"Oh, awesome."
I responded, a mouth full of caramel corn.

"There's more."

I swallowed hard.


"Macy's kids are in her class."

"...WHAT THE HELL?!"

Macy is Girl B.

The mom who pretended to be my best friend all through kindergarten.

The mom who pretended to be my ally while the much more transparent Girl C viciously tried to exclude me from everything .

The mom who I hung out with every day for nearly a year.

The mom who knew she was my only friend in our brand new town.

The mom whose daughter was Savannah's best friend.

The mom who fed me all the dirty details of how much Girl C hated me...in the interest of "just letting me know".

The mom who had a Mother's Day party in her back yard. One month before summer started. And didn't invite me. But did invite Girl C.

And her backyard was across the street from my house.

So that I got to watch the party.

And so did my daughter.

That mom.


The mom who acted surprised that I was hurt.

The mom who, after I cried to her, responded by literally turning her back on me every day at school.

The mom whose husband started ignoring my husband.

The mom who completely cut my daughter off from her best friend.

Without warning. Without explanation.

The mom who, after being one of my closest friends, now goes out of her way to avoid me while I do the same.

Macy is a Mean Girl all grown up. A Mean Mom.

The gray hairs may be sprouting and the ass may be spreading and the prom queen photo may be fading. But mean is forever.

I was sick over this news. First grade had been so pleasant and now what was I in for? I wondered how I should act toward her. Should I be nice? Hug her? Ignore her? Push her down? Wish her a happy 50th? ...She's 43.

These thoughts ran through my head as Savannah and I approached the school playground this morning.

And then as soon as Savannah's friends caught sight of her, she was literally swarmed. She ran to meet them, their little faces lit up with the joy of friendship.

These are little girls that have fought, that have been mean, that have said "you're not my friend anymore". But, now all is forgiven and forgotten. The time and distance provided by the summer break has renewed their fondness for each other.

I couldn't help but wonder if maybe I could take a lesson from my 7-year-old. Maybe by focusing on this genuine kindness I could actually pull my head out of my ass.


I saw Macy standing to the side watching them too. I walked up to her, put a smile on my face, cheerfully said "hi!", she said "hi!" pleasantly back, and then I proceeded on to my friends. And that was it. No passive aggressive behavior. No cutting comments made with a smile. Just polite and mature.

It's like I'm actually growing up.

And I have my 7-year-old to thank.


The world might be a better place if we all remembered how we felt at seven.

16 comments:

DianaCLT said...

Yay! For Savannah AND you! You stared momxiety in the face and kicked its spreading butt! SO happy for you, Lena. :)

Daisy, Just Daisy said...

Ahh, to be young again. I hope you have a trouble free year!

Mrs JP Chaos said...

NICE.

I have a neighbor who hates us. I continue to say good morning or hi to her all the time because I want to be as annoying as I can.

Kidding. (kinda)

I mostly just want to be the grown-up in the situation. I told my husband that I actually feel sorry for her. I would hate to be so miserable and hateful. I choose to be the opposite.

I'm so glad that you both had such a great first day back at school.

Virenda said...

Why does growing up mean you cant push mean people down? Ugh....

I am so proud. And as your friend it's my duty to proceed to trip her since you've found this thing called maturity. I think it's only fair.

Priscilla said...

We totally do the Anniversary-mas on my mom's side of the family too! Growing up, us kids got more presents than our parents did on their own anniversary from cousins, aunts/uncles, & grandparents. I really think the whole thing just started out as a way for them to still get/give each other "Christmas" & "birthday" presents even though they (including my parents) are all Jehovah's Witnesses.

More power to ya for rising above the situation. Mean girls make me mean...I tend to call them on their bullshit, loudly, in front of other people. It's great that you've managed to deal with this whole thing with grace & haven't humiliated your daughter (which I'm sure I would have by this point).

mpotter said...

hoping it'll be a GREAT year and the mean girls all get over themselves.

Sheri said...

Savannah is so beautiful. As for the mean moms...I wonder if I'll be dealing with any as my daughter Rachel started Kindergarten this year. I hope not, mean people suck.

Ginny said...

You are much tougher (and nicer) than me! Hope you have a great year!

Boxer said...

it's so much easier to let go of the hate, but not many people see it that way. Nicley done.

Now avoid her like the plague. She's toxic.

Linda said...

Going to take your lead. Thanks for the reminder to act my age!

mori said...

Good for you! Just going on with your business and not letting 'her' get to you is the way to go!


And you know.....my little girl has taught me to be a better and stronger person when it comes to mean moms and their mean little girls. I want to be that good example even though I want to push those mean moms down.
I can think it all I want as long as I do NOT do it :P

Yay for you!

Alias Mother said...

I have the sick habit of being extra nice and polite to people who are mean to me. Not doormat friendly, mind you, but polite. I think it's from years of working with the public. The more venom you throw my way, the more mature I will be.

I'd like to think it is my attempt at personal growth, but, really, it's so I can feel like a better person.

Whatever gets you through, I say.

Julie @ The Mom Slant said...

Good for you. Think of it not as making nice with Macy, but setting a good example for Savannah.

Although it sounds like Savannah is setting a good example herself - for all of us.

Sevi said...

Love your blog...Well this sounds like what I have gone through except our daughters are cheer leaders in high school and let me tell you that type of situation is uglier than ape and Mean Girls CAME TRUE!! But you know what they built a bridge and got over themselves and are now "cheer" buddies only. The Mom and I, well we are friendly to each other but we will never be the same.

Tiffany said...

I have a neighbor that hates me...her daughter is my daughters best friend. My husband and I kill her with kindness every chance we can get. She has managed to alienate 2 people here in the neighborhood yet she doesnt think shes got any issues.....glad im not dealing with her much longer.

im proud of you guys!

Geege said...

Good for you Lena!! Just imagine what went thru her mind as you walked up to her ... only to be polite, mature and friendly. I LOVE IT. I agree with everyone else on the killing with kindness - I work in the public sector and there's nothing better than being extra polite - it pisses people off more and they can't figure out why they're mad! HA!


 photo copyright.jpg
envye template.