Flying and Parenting: Both Defy Logic (I Declare That the Theme Of This Post)

I’m all kinds of excited about flying to Blogher in two weeks. Alone. With nothing between me and the ground but 30,000 feet of bad thoughts.

My mom came back from a trip recently and tried to tell me…hold on, I need to laugh some more about this. She tried to convince me that I wouldn’t be afraid to fly if only I “flew first class”. Does everyone have their own eject pod in first class, mom? Yeah, I didn’t think so. A complimentary neck pillow while I lean back in a chair is not going to distract me from the LAW OF GRAVITY. We went back and forth for awhile before I finally told her that the ONLY way I will EVER feel comfortable flying is if they invent a plane that has really really really long legs that extend all the way to the ground with wheels.

That settled that.

Also making me anxious is that I cannot find the cable to my laptop, someone to do my highlights for under $100, or a decent tote bag. Preferably one that fits my computer, a good book, my iPod, and a small parachute.

So, I guess I would be worried about the social stuff at Blogher like other bloggers seem to be, but the whole “fear of death” thing puts the fear of “standing alone against a wall with a handful of free keychains and mousepads” thing into perspective.

I think it’s reverse psychology. In reverse.


On a different note, Savannah is seven now. And while I’m sure there are some lovely things to say about seven, I sort of miss six like crazy. Also, one through five.

I don’t know what it is about seven, but all of the sudden my daughter has become my mother. And not in a cute way like I wrote about before which leaves you chuckling, but in a way that leaves you feeling like you’re getting smacked in the head with a sock full of quarters most days.

Take yesterday for instance. I’m getting my brows* waxed and my friend was introducing me to some other women who are of the same religion, but go to a different congregation. Since Chris and I are not the most “active” in our congregation right now, I immediately feel uneasy when one of the women asks “Oh! Do you know the Festersons?”.

I pretend like I’m thinking. “Uuuuh, no. I don’t believe so”.

“How about the Wobblebottoms?”

I’m scrunching my face up into what I hope is a searching expression when Savannah says loudly and clearly “The only person my mom knows there is my dad.”

And dare I claim that she looked a little self-satisfied? Even smug?

Yeah. So, I’m returning seven. It just isn’t what I expected. I’d like to exchange it for a five and a two. Thankssomuchthat’dbegreat.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, I have already downloaded all of my favorite pictures of Savannah to my phone so that I can stare at them as I hurtle toward Chicago praying that God lets me see eight.

I'm not all that fond of 31 if you want to know the truth.

*Also maybe three other areas of my face. I’m Italian. If I don’t wax my facial hair will all grow together meeting in the middle until I can pull it into a jaunty front ponytail.


Mrs JP Chaos said...

The jaunty front ponytail made do the laugh out loud kind of laughing.

Also...7. I have a 7 year old and you speak all sorts of truth about the age of making your parents look like a couple of asses. ALL THE DAMN TIME.

Anonymous said...

My Mom is afraid to fly. She has only flown first class once, but claims she wouldn't be afraid to fly all the time if she could always fly first class.

Think of how much more comfortable those seats are though, for looking at pictures of a 7 year old.

Glad you're back to blogging.

Lollyblogger said...

Where do you get your hair highlighted? My hair was DESTROYED at the Aveda salon in the District, and I'm looking for a new place. Any ideas would be GREATLy appreciated!

Jeannie said...

i really wish i were going to BlogHer, even though I'm personally new to blogging having only really been at it a year or so. Maybe less. But I'm trying. I'd love to attend the sessions and absorb the creativity. I guess I need to get in on some Twitter stream or some such. I really can't go. It's sold out anyway and I've got nothing to contribute. I just want to watch. Are you speaking?

Y said...

"Those are called cars, Lena."

lynn @ human, being said...

8 is better. So far at least.

I used to be afraid to fly but then I realized it wasn't so much fear of dying, but fear of hurling. Now I use those motion sick patches behind my ear and make sure to wear my glasses and absolutely DO NOT read until the fasten seatbelt sign is off and NEVER in turbulence and then maybe, just maybe I'll make it through without turning green. I'm definitely fun to sit next to.

Michael said...

Awww...she's starting to look JUST like you!

Minus the constipated look that is.

Just wait until she hits 25 (like mine.) lol.

Happy to see you back on the boards.


Jules said...

hmm-you get free alcohol in first class, right? Enough of that and you WON'T be afraid.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

I can fix the totebag issue... Timbuk2. Quite possibly the best bags in the world and virtually indescrtuctable (even if it's being hurled from 8,000 feet).

As for the parenthood thing, I'm right there with you but I'm missing 1-7 as I attempt to navigate 8. The kids think that they are smarter than I am (and remind me of this daily) and the scary thing is I think they might be right.


Missie said...

Not to pee in your Pepsi or anything, but seven? Ha, I laugh at your seven! For I have a thirteen, which is almost double your seven, and it your seven, let's just put it that way.

My son, who was previously known as World's Easiest Child Ever Borned, is now Teen Who Knows Ever So Much More Than His Poor Stupid Parents Who Require- Nay, Desperately Need!--His Input on Everything in Order to Run Their Pathetic Lives.

So. Yeah. At least he's somewhat cute and housetrained.

Lena said...

Jules, meet my water bottle filled with Chardonnay.

Water Bottle, meet Jules.

Mamapajama said...

Wow, can't help you with the fear of flying, as I'm not a fan myself, BUT...I can help you with the cool laptop/travel bag. Go to Marshalls and look for Kathy Van Zeeland travel bags. They come in all different sizes, are trendy, cool and spacious and because your at Marshalls, it doesn't cost a mint to buy! Have fun!!

Angela said...

I feel your pain with the fear of flying. I'm dreading my vacation to Hawaii in a few days for that reason.

mpotter said...

which is one reason i am scared that i have a daughter.

glad she's witty.

and good luck with the flights.

Jules said...

Glad to meet you Water Bottle! We have a friend in common-Baja Fresh Plastic Cup with a Straw!

Suburban Turmoil said...

Tip: Order yourself a glass of wine. Then order yourself another glass of wine.

I did that at the end of my last business tip to San Francisco and while I was drinking my second glass, we hit horrible turbulence that lasted over an hour. I remember thinking, "Man, I'd be freaking out right now if I were sober." Instead, I calmly enjoyed Benjamin Button on my mini-dvd player...

On the bright side? I've been flying coast-to-coast quite a bit over the last few months and have almost always had incredibly smooth flights. Something about the jet streams.

supertiff said...

a jaunty front pony tail sounds like it would be perfect for the sparklecorn party.

in other news, i also hate flying (i have a bad day at work, someone gets a bud instead of a miller, airline worker has a bad day...i die? that's not ok) and am also not enjoying 31 that much.

i won't be a blogher, but drink to 32 for me, ok? and then we can both just hope it will be a lot better.

Anonymous said...


Laura K said...

Ah yes Italian. I'm Italian, Romanian, French, and German. None of my ancestors know a hair-free day. When Aidan was born he has so much hair on his shoulders/back I thought "great, two for one waxing"

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