I'm Like the McRib. Back For a Limited Time. Except Not At All Like That.

So, this one time? Like two years ago? I had to start working because we were about to lose our house. Or was it our job? Our minds? I can't remember - it all runs together after so many months of ENDLESS JOYS. Anyway, if you remember, I started my own business which was fun for about as long as it took to run out of color coordinated post-its. Which is to say, briefly.

I then quickly reverted back to my old ways of womanly manipulation which involved evenings spent rolling around on the floor drunk - and not in a good way - moaning to Chris about how haaaard it was to work and also raise oooone chiiiild and why can't you just go play the Lotto or maybe you belong to an Indian tribe have you checked lately because they get checks for just BEING ALIVE?

Tragically, the whining episodes didn't have the same effect on Chris they had in the past. I was mostly left there, tufts of carpet in my hair, staring at the ceiling contemplating how I could quit working while maintaining the fantastical standard of living we had grown accustomed to complete with indoor plumbing and 99 cent Taco Night.

How exactly does one get into organ harvesting, I wondered.

But, alas, it was my plight.

Then when my business started getting busy, one of my clients - okay, my ONLY client - asked me to come work in-house for them. It was more money and seemed like a great excuse to buy some Gap straight leg trousers, so I accepted. And that's when I started spending my days hoping to catch a staple in the eye so I could go home.

Life Lesson Learned: I do not like working. No matter what pants I'm wearing.

It's hard to believe that it's been two years since I started working and yet if you look at my floors, my weight, or my cuticles, it's not hard to believe at all. I'm no multi-tasker that's for sure. But, I have performed well if I do say so myself considering that I reentered the workforce with no real marketable skills other than Wii tennis and picking up things with my toes (like hammers). Also, an uncanny ability to choose the winner of the Bachelor on the first episode. (Leaving that off my resume was painful, because come on. The first episode?)

We may not have a fully funded 401K yet, but I can hardly remember the last time we paid for milk with nickels, so I THINK THAT MEANS I WIN.

So, I'm done now. I think we can afford for me to quit working. Which is good because I quit my job yesterday. And it feels pretty damn sweet.

Now, can we get back to discussing more important stuff around here like why a mom at school asked if I was pregnant and then when I said I wasn't, ARGUED. WITH. ME? Not. Even. Kidding. I'll give you the details later. Right now, I'm going to go celebrate no longer being a contributing member of society. Way overrated.


Kerry said...

yeah!!! You are back and better than eva!!!

Keep it coming!

Linsey Farley Jameson said...

WOOT!!! What a treat when I open my reader and see that you blogged!! Congrats on quitting! i missed you, annoying jobs getting in the way of my reading entertainment.

So, really?! The FIRST episode? That is SKILL. That is very impressive. There is no way I could leave that off a resume.

Ree said...

I love you.

That is all.

Danielle said...

I'm so glad you're back! Maybe this'll inspire me to get off my lazy ass and update my own blog!

It's official, I have a new boyfriend, work doesn't completely suck, I'm in college, and my favorite blogger is back!

Life, is good. ^.^

Kimberly said...

I love that you're back. Awesomeness.

MichelleRenee said...

You have been missed.
Glad to have you back.

ps. I hate to work too.

emzeegee & the hungry three said...

Please please pppllleeeeaaasssseeee pass some of that work-quitting Mojo onto me??? I really, really, really want to quit, but I can't (we're still paying for stuff with nickles.)

Well, at least I have the consolation of reading your posts when I come home exhausted at night. :)

Serenity said...

Congratulations. (On quitting your job, not having to convince someone you're NOT pregnant. Seriously? I want the backstory on THAT one.)

And welcome back. Came here from another mom blogger and REALLY enjoy your posts. I'm psyched to see that you're back in the game. :)


Karen said...

YAY! Welcome back :) You have been missed! Congrats on quitting your job and coming back to more important matters, such as entertaining me while I waste away at work.

R. Molder said...


red.queen said...

congratulations! I'm glad things are looking up.

Looking forward to the foot-in-the-mouth story; I mean, really - isn't the appropriate response to, "No, I'm not pregnant," to slink away in shame? Who argues?!? Even lamely saying, "Oh.. I guess you're just really.. you know.. glowing," is better than that, which is saying something.

alice said...

YAY to being back!

Unknown said...

all this time I've kept you in my Google reader, waiting for you to come back! YEA!

Terri said...

Yay to being back in the saddle!

Your story sounds terrifying by the way. Do tell.

Kristen said...

Yippee Kai-ay! (sp?) Just a little expression my 3-year-old squeals when something makes him really happy.

I'm so happy you're back and hope the blog posts keep on comin', baby!

Heidi said...

Yippie you're back! Woo hoo! Congrats!

PS The first episode? Sheit!

Frema said...

You could post once a year and you would still be one of my favorite bloggers. (Though I wouldn't recommend it.) Big fat sloppy internet kiss and FOR SHAME on that nosy woman!

Unknown said...

welcome back. so glad things are improving for you two. i love your writing, so get to it, now, will you?

Michael said...

Whoa! You're back!

My life is complete. :-)

Jules said...

yay! You are soooo much better than a McRib!

Chris Wilson said...

What's a google reader?

Marcie said...

Yay! I'm so glad you're back. You and betternow are my favourite bloggers!
So happy.

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