How about Weepy Lotus?

I keep waiting for things to NOT SUCK to write, but... wow. That will be a long time.

So, yeah.

Chris was laid off. (-1)
I'm working full time. (-1)
Which means I have an excuse to buy $19.99 cardigans at Target. (+1)
But, I make about 11 cents an hour. (-1)
And my boss has man boobs. (-1)
And closes his eyes while he talks. (-1)
But, I do have a big office. (+1)
Which shares a wall with the men's restroom where I hear someone throw up every single morning at 10:30. (-1)
And business is slow. (-1)
And I think I'm going to be laid off as well. (-1)
Did I also mention I gained 20 pounds? (-1)
And that I'm too broke to replace all my expensive size 4 clothes with expensive size 8 clothes, so now my closet's full of "missing other piece" and "irregular seams"? (-1)

On the bright side, Savannah did manage to avoid a lice outbreak and I swerved just in time before almost hitting a squirrel this morning, so...things are obviously looking up.


Jay said...

I'll try to avoid throwing a bunch of positive stuff at you, because even with as much as I count on perspective to get me through the day, I can't fucking stand it when people remind me that I'm lucky to be alive and have a great family and blah blah blah. That being said, I think it's high time you parlayed this not-so-hidden writing talent of yours into some bank. The Internet will still pay for it, pinky swear.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, and I hope you keep writing. Miss your stories.

Emily said...

The throwing up thing is weird. Just hard for me to imagine, you know?

In any case, I sympathize with your blogging plight - is it better to write something whiny or nothing at all? It's my greatest dilemma.

I hope things start to look up soon.

Anonymous said...

The fact that you can be so bleeping funny and witty while going through something miserable says so much about you and your perspective. I was so happy to see that you posted b/c I was curious as to how your family has been, but sorry to see the tough stuff. Something so big will happen where you will be able to use your incredible talent. The day will come where you won't have to work for Mr. Man-boobs anymore.

Kelley said...

Alcohol helps.

Alas it cost money AND adds calories.

So that sucks too.

Add that to the suckage list.

But man boobs can be entertaining.

Anonymous said...


Geri said...

I'm hoping you have seen Gone with the Wind or else this analogy will make no sense.

Remember at the end of the movie when Scarlett realizes she has lost Rhett- she remembers she still has home.

You still have home- your writing. And I am personally very glad to know you haven't thrown it away.

Selfishly, it puts a smile on my face and I think you are amazing with words.

You are really loved- hopefully that counts for a +1.


Geri said...

I'm hoping you have seen Gone with the Wind or else this analogy will make no sense.

Remember at the end of the movie when Scarlett realizes she has lost Rhett- she remembers she still has home.

You still have home- your writing. And I am personally very glad to know you haven't thrown it away.

Selfishly, it puts a smile on my face and I think you are amazing with words.

You are really loved- hopefully that counts for a +1.


Anonymous said...

Glad you are back writing! You touch many people with your writing whether you ever realize the extent of it or not. (+1)

Hope things get better for you and for the rest of the country.

serenity said...

Found you through another blogger.

I've been wondering how things were going, and sorry to hear how tough it's been.

I wonder if man boobs is the one throwing up every morning?


Hang in there.

Samurai Beetle said...

I was excited to see that you posted because I've been wondering what happened since the last post but sad that things are such.

Sometimes I think I'd like to get fired so I can just go back to college, rack up more debt and live a simple life again. Somehow having an "executive job" isn't turning out so well for most these days.

Stephanie said...

Actually, I'm really glad you wrote a post full of suck. For one thing, your blog has always been about your life; life includes the bad as well as the good. But also, it makes the rest of us-in all our own lousy job hating, Ramen eating, out of shape glory-feel just a tiny bit better about our own lives. Seeing someone like you cope with such wit and style makes me think that maybe I can deal with my own bumps without embarrassing myself!

mothergoosemouse said...

I don't know, that office situation sounds like prime blog fodder.

Still...ugh. I'm sorry the suckage persists.

Theresa said...

I am sorry this all sucks right now!

DianaCLT said...

Ms. Lotus - I hope your Weepy is back to Cheeky, very soon.

It's so hard right now. I'm scared. Really scared. As you are. As we all are.

Thinking of you. Maybe Mr. Man-Boobs will make an inappropriate comment toward you and you can bribe him, for more financial security?

Joking...I swear...uh, yeah. ;)

Ree said...

Yea, I worked in banking for 25 years, too.

sucks to be us right now.

Do you work with that pregnant man?

Jeannie said...

i'm worried about the present and the future, too.

honestly, cheeky, you have a real writing talent. ramp up the blog and generate some ad revenue. lesser writers are doing it, why not you?

Y said...

Never talk to Yvonne anymore (-1...HUNDRED)

I'm happy you updated, at least I know you're alive. I miss you and I think about you all of the time. Call me when you feel up to it.


Mamapajama said...

Cheeky, so glad to hear something from you. Fear not, you are not alone in your "sucktastic" situation, there are many of us in the same boat. Not that that will make you feel better or improve your situation, true. That being said, hit Old Navy online for friggin fantastic sales. They have casual and work clothers on a budget. That's where I turn when my budget, especially as of late, needs to be pulled in a few notches. Oh yeah, one last thing I 've learned...desk job = automatic weight gain. I get more exercise on the weekends just doing my normal thing around the house! WTF?!

M said...

Hey there....Basically I just want to say I am glad to see you back.
Keep the head up and plug through!


Heidi said...

Happy to see you posting, sorry it sucks. Blech.

Christy said...


So sorry.

(Passing you the "virtual" double stuffed Oreos.)

Suburban Turmoil said...

Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

yay so glad youre back! my internet stalking can continue. haha i kid, i kid

JachiCue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JachiCue said...

You're alive!

No words of wisdom from me. Just know I'm glad you're back.

Mel said...

But . . . and . . . well . . .

Clearly, I am speechless with joy at your sudden return to blogging.

Andrea said...

I am selfishly glad to know you are alive! And yay for dodging lice outbreaks, those suck. As do dead squirrels, so yay for dodging him, too.

Do you have access to a secondhand shop in an upscale neighbourhood? That's a great place to get high quality clothes, often never even worn, on the cheap.

I second the thought that the internet would pay for this writing. Not just the Internet, the general book-buying public. Your situation would be pretty easy for lots of people to identify with right now, and alternating between weepy and cheeky ... well, they could identify with that, too.

Sparrow said...

Oh, Lena. I'm so sorry. I hope things turn around soon.

Caffeinatrix said...

You posted! Sorry about the shitty circumstances. Keep's like therapy for when life is sucking. **hugs**

(PS: It's Izzy...I changed my blog)

LD said...

I'm sorry :( About all of it.
But, I used to have an office right next to the washroom also. And it's really weird. I, too, could hear puking many days and everyone thought I was crazy!

Anonymous said...

I have been praying for you. I always think about you and your family and have been checking your blog waiting for an update. I will not say positive cliche stuff but just to let you know people do care and are praying for you and your family

angel said...

oh, sweet jesus, i almost fell out of the chair when i clicked on your link and saw the new post!!! i was so glad to see that you're still out there! i know it feels like life sucks right now, but it sure was good to hear from you!

(and i am VERY curious about what freak is over there throwing up in the a.m.... and, yes, i AM going to feel like a real jerk if it turns out someone is sick.)


Melissa said...

I have enjoyed reading your blog for some time now and once ( after a bottle..did I say bottle?.. I mean a COUPLE glasses of wine) wrote you an e-mail of how we could be great friends! Boy did I wish I could have gotten that e-mail back! It was like being back in h.s. and leaving a message for some hottie and wishing like hell you didn't! But, such is life. Anyway, I really do enjoy your blog and hope things start to look up for you all. Yesterday I check to see if you had any new entries and I guess that put you somewhere on my mind because last night I had a dream that Chris took over you blog for you! I just had to check to see if it was in fact a dream! (, I haven't had any wine today! Just thought I'd share : > )

Anonymous said...

Moobs are gross. If you have to look at them at eye level when your boss comes in your nice big office, doesn't that make it a (-1) or at least a 0? Just saying.

Anyway, it is nice to see you blogging again. You are still fun to read. Keep it up.

Ali said...

NEVER underestimate how awesome it is to avoid the lice plague. :)

see? silver lining? no?

Anonymous said...

The misery can lead to some great blogging.
If all you hear is barfing from the men's room +1

Lena said...

Melissa, I suck. I'll totally go to the dance with you.

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