After a very long month of unpacking boxes and hanging pictures and painting (Savannah’s room is such a hideous shade of pink that it looks like we’ve been slaughtering farm animals in there) I’m finally ready to enjoy my new little home. And I do mean little. If you come in the front door too fast you’ll run right out the back door. The only person not laughing at this image is Chris since he knows that’s not a joke. (And also the people who didn't find that funny and maybe they should read it again.)
Another fun feature of our tiny new home is that our bedroom window is perfectly aligned with our neighbor’s bedroom window. So, that if one were to, say, sit up in bed and stretch in the morning without closing the blinds, they may or may not be met with a perfect stranger’s face three feet away.
In all honesty, the nudity thing doesn’t bother me that much. I’m much more concerned about being caught sitting on my bed watching My Super Sweet Sixteen reruns and eating an entire container of onion dip in the middle of the day. You know, occasionally.
Chris calls it “an urban feel”. I think he’s just hoping to catch people having sex.
That’s really the only downside. Otherwise, I’m sort of absolutely in love with this place. The wood floors, the new cabinets, the vinyl windows, the toilets that produce nothing more than a nice sealed flush without leaking under the floorboards and growing toxic mold. It’s almost like people actually cared about this house. And the random boob flashing isn’t that big of a deal really. It’s not like I couldn’t use a new friend.
Speaking of which, making new mom friends at Savannah’s school has turned out to be about as easy as trapping a squirrel and then getting him to sit at my desk and do my taxes.
Last year’s group of mom friends was “a false alarm” and that’s about the nicest thing I have to say about that situation.
So, this year I decided I was going to ignore the social aspects and throw myself into volunteering at the school and maybe gain some mom friends in the process. I joined the PTA and became the head room rep. The funny thing about this is that every one of my friends that has older children laughed when I told them this, apparently in on some untold joke.
Well, the joke is this: about 70% of the classroom’s parents do not participate or donate.
Isn’t that so super funny? I laughed about it as my requests for yearbook help went unanswered, chuckled heartily as I sent home my third flyer imploring parents for donations for the Fall gift basket to raffle off, and giggled delighted when no one returned my calls to volunteer in the damn library.
After my fourth and final flyer for Fall gift basket donations, I finally got some action yesterday and collected a measly $30. But, I think that’s only because it said:
“IF I DON’T RECEIVE ANY DONATIONS SOON, I’M GOING TO ASSUME A BASKET FULL OF PORN IS OKAY WITH YOU.”
Seeing Savannah’s face when I’m in her class, which is often, makes it all worth it though. She’s so delighted to see me there working that she randomly bursts from her desk to run over and kiss me just to make sure I’m real. You would never know that most days end with “You never let me do anything!” and “This is the worst day ever!”. I have no idea where she gets her dramatics. From her dad I think.
P.S. On a totally unrelated note, I closed my garage door onto my car, which has nothing to do with anything except that I didn’t know that was possible, but apparently it is if you accidentally shut the hanging rope handle in your car door and then repeatedly try to back out and cannot figure out for the life of you why EVERY TIME YOU BACK UP THE GARAGE DOOR COMES DOWN ON THE CAR AND EVERY TIME YOU PULL FORWARD IT GOES UP and you do this for a few minutes before you notice the dangling rope handle hanging inside your car and you go ”. . . oh” and then you get out and open the door and remove the rope and pull away and see the garage door bent and broken behind you and then you wonder if the parents aren’t responding to your emails because you’re really NOT the head room rep, that the real head room rep is secretly collecting tons of donations and doing great real projects, and that they just told you you were the head room rep to keep you busy and out of their way.
I guess it’s related after all.