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8.13.2007

It's Exhausting Being Right All the Time

Have you heard? Not everyone had an awesome time at BlogHer. A thousand women in one place and not every single person had the time of their life (I can't not think of Dirty Dancing when I say "time of my life", can you?).

I'm not going to link to anyone's complaints in particular because everyone is entitled to voice their feelings in their own space without someone calling them out. But, I will say that Lindsay summed up her opinion nicely here.

Here's the thing: I agree with those people.

I don't disbelieve for a minute that they arrived at BlogHer fully intending on having a great time with their internet friends. Instead, they realized that maybe they didn't have as many friends as they thought. In fact, maybe they weren't their friends at all. They were ready for a weekend of basking in the glory of their internet-ness and instead found themselves wandering the banquet room with their plate of food looking for a table of familiar, or even welcoming, faces and thought "My God. I paid money to go back to high school".

On my panel at BlogHer (which, by the way, was like blogging in real time -- except a little unnerving when I was trying to make a point and saw a sea of confused faces staring back at me and wanted to ask Jory "Um, can I save my argument to drafts and come back later?") I asserted that the blogosphere can feel like high school.

Catherine argued that blogging is not like high school, as there is no active exclusion. My response to that was that blogging only feels like high school to those who are left out.

But, it's not just the blogosphere or BlogHer conventions, is it? It is a fact of life. I can't tell you how many baby showers, Passion parties, Pampered Chef parties, Creative Memories get-togethers I have been to where I spent a perfectly nice Saturday afternoon balancing a paper plate on my knees filled with wieners on a toothpick wishing I could disappear between the couch cushions.

Did it mean that there was something wrong with the party? Did it mean the other women hated me? Did it mean there was something wrong with me?

No, because for every bad social experience there's a great one I rocked. (And I have the tattoos and Polaroids to prove it.)

I think the difference with BlogHer is that we expect the convention to be a physical manifestation of our blog. We expect to get the same warm fuzzy ego strokes we get in the comfort of our own little blog home. When you're writing on your blog, you're on stage. And I admit it is difficult to step off of that stage. It's difficult to leave the accolades of your inbox and walk into a crowd of 1,000 people and expect to feel the same comfort level.

For some, it is good old fashioned shyness and insecurity. Which mixes with a large group of women like oil and water.

For others, I think it is just the realization that our little corners of the internet universe do not translate to real life the way we expect them to.

And for the rest, I think it's a matter of leaving the ego at home.

Life may sometimes feel like high school, but the good news is that we're big girls now.

Now, the real question: Am I just saying this because I happened to have a great time?

No.

I could have written about how one blogger said to me in my own room during my own party "Cheeky Lotus? Never heard of you. What big bloggers are here?". I could tell you about the blogger who pretended to return a pencil in a lame attempt to escape a conversation with me. I could tell you about last year's BlogHer, which was not so much fun.

But, I'm not. If 30 has taught me anything, it's not to take myself too seriously. Because I had a bag full of cheeseburgers and hilarious friends around me. And I suggest next year, you do the same.

103 comments:

zoot said...

Amen. And you made your point much better than I did. I had a great time too - and the moments that weren't great were either my own fault (so grumpy because so crampy) or because I'm just socially stupid. OR - because - as you said: That's Life. No big deal.

And next year, I'll buy the cheeseburgers.

Butrfly4404 said...

I was so excluded that I didn't even GO. hahaha. But really, you could see that from the start. We all have our "groups" of "friends" that we're comfortable with. How many bloggers went that didn't know anyone else? How many needed to have AT LEAST ONE of their other *friends* there, too?

You're (all) right. High school is just a condensed, misconstrued preview of LIFE, so it would only be natural to relate to that experience when you're uncomfortable.

I'm a little glad I didn't go now. I'll thicken my skin up a little and prepare for next year, maybe?

Lena said...

I'm going to take you up on that.

You know I love you, Zoot.

chirky said...

Wow, it IS exhausting being right all the time. And yet you still manage, despite your fatigue. Good job.

blog Portland said...

At least you guys get something off the ground. Even if BlogHim ever happens, I can guarantee it will be a sloppy, drunken mess in a high school gym somewhere.

Mrs. Chicky said...

So much insight for someone with such pretty ponytails. ;)

You're right, lady. For me, I know I could have really liked a lot of the woman I met (and the ones I didn't get a chance to meet) but I was so overwhelmed by the number of people that I didn't know which way to turn.

I'm still going to try again next year, though.

prescott said...

Wait, I think we met at BlogHer. Who are you again? Do you write a blog or something?

DianaCLT said...

Okay, am I the only one that noticed the mention of tattoos? Polaroids?
Oh Lena - you must show us your tats and polaroids (had considered shortening that to 'roids, but that abbreviation is already taken by the professional athletes - *snort!* :-D).
Sorry for the complete tangent jump - but I want to see the tattoos and polaroids!

Suburban Turmoil said...

Well said. I definitely had a moment or two of feeling shunned too, but I just shook it off and went on. Because what else can you do?

What I didn't like was that some of the more highly-trafficked bloggers were in some cases being blamed for the hurt feelings of others. And I think that's totally unfair. I didn't meet ANYONE with a well-known blog who was anything but friendly. Maybe shy, but definitely friendly.

Chris said...

You said this perfectly. I think we all had those moments.

I could tell you about a certain person who turned on her heel and walked away from me. Whatever. I could have let it get to me and make me upset, but instead I just got over it... or at the very least mocked her in the privacy of my room with my room mate.

But I didn't let it define my weekend.

You know why? Because I am a big girl.

canape said...

I think you and Zoot both voiced this well and without putting down people who have posted about feeling excluded. I appreciate that because I like bloggers on both sides of the writing here - and it was upsetting reading another post that called them out and put them down for simply stating how they felt.

Personally, I had fun at Blogher. I didn't go to extra parties or crash dinners. I was a boring preggo. But I met some really cool people, if only to sit next to them for just one session ;)

It's easy to be lonely in a crowd of 800 something women for at least part of the time. But you are right, that is just life.

Jilt said...

Nicely said. Kudos to you and Lindsay for summing it up so well. BlogHer '07 was my first foray into meeting Internet friends, and I had fun. Sure there were people I wished I'd talked to (including you), but there were a lot of people I would've never met, never heard of, never read had it not been for BlogHer.

Whenever you get a roomful of women together, there are bound to be hurt feelings. Some of it comes from being shy. Some from being catty or bitchy. Some from no reason whatsoever.

Next year, I'll talk to more people (and not have to leave for home before the big 2306 party).

ali said...

he. you said wieners :)

Schnozz said...

I think that people mostly exclude themselves. You didn't get snubbed just because someone didn't even hear you say hello. You didn't get excluded just because no one managed to float an invitation to all thousand people. I do agree that the occasional asshole did pop up, but most of the time, people need to stop being so damn sensitive. That's my opinion.

As for the Flickr pictures, etc ... for God's sake, not everything is about the viewer. Sometimes people just take pictures and want to save them to their Flickr accounts. It's not gloating. It's just someone's personal photo account.

I do agree that sometimes, assholery did exist and wasn't just the product of an oversensitive imagination--I had my share of ridiculously inappropriate things said to me, certainly. But half the time? The "snubbed" complainer was the one who made huge assumptions and misheard words and created drama out of absolutely nothing. If someone's a jerk to you, walk away and find another party. There were lots of them, and most of them were more than welcoming. I'm basically unknown and I would have been hard-pressed to spend a night alone.

I had a great time. I know people who didn't, but they also spent all their time trying to win over people they don't even like that much in the first place. Now THAT is high school all over again.

Schnozz said...

(And: I realize I'm agreeing with you. Just in my own crabby voice.)

Heather B. said...

I think the good part about this year's BlogHer is that I made sure I was drunk enough to both socialize and ignore the bullshit. Possibly because High School wasn't that long ago for me and I'm on a quest to make sure that none of the insecurities I felt then make their way into my current life. Thus far, I've been rather successful at avoiding it at all costs.

I told Denise (BlogHer community manager) this last week, that no matter what, women are inherently competitive. It doesn't matter what the situation, there's always that need to be seen and heard over the din of 850 others.

My goal for the weekend was to hang out with my friends and just chill and do a bit of the drinking. I did all that (and more, thanks to a roommate of yours) and it was considerably better than last year's hell on earth.

Frema said...

Amen.

I have Web sites I'm very proud of, but the traffic is light when compared to more well-known blogs, and I still had a great time. I didn't make it to any wild parties, but I enjoyed meeting the people that I did and learning what I could from the conference sessions.

In my opinion, if you go to such a large gathering without any intention of actively reaching out to others, you're setting yourself up for a bad time. Granted, I had a group to hang out with, but we weren't all joined at the hip and still managed to meet other people. Nobody else is responsible for your having a good time but you.

Great post.

Cathy said...

I didn't go to Blogher, but have enjoyed reading all the posts about it.

Given that I'm one of those cushion-divers you just described, I particularly enjoyed this one!

I figure if I'm ever able to go, many cocktails will be required in order to get past my social geekiness!

OMSH said...

Honestly, I didn't know you from before. But I got a kick out of listening to you fuss over your "mullet" that I thought looked pretty darn good pulled into pig tails. :)

I hated '06. I'm not sure if I've said that out loud. I decided it was MY fault that '06 sucked for me.

I LOVED this year. Really. I'm not sure if '08 will compare, but I'll be there with bells on to find out.

It is like my annual outing and I look forward to it like no one's business.

Lena said...

DianaCLT - A lady never tells. In other words, I'm saving that for its own post. HA!

Heather B - Women ARE inherently competitive. Absolutely nailed it. As you so often do.

Shash said...

This was a great post. And I too agree. Did I spend the entire time 100% happy? No. I felt out of place and out of sorts SEVERAL times during the weekend, but I didn't let it damper the overall experience. I met some great people (you included), I found some new blogs to check out, and I spent time with wonderful people; even the ones I didn't get a chance to meet.

My point? I wouldn't trade a thing because next time? It will be even better because *I* will be more comfortable. And really, that's all that matters.

If Zoot buys the cheeseburgers, can I buy the milkshakes?

Shash

Isabel said...

Great post. It's been so interesting to read what people have to say about BlogHer.

I went, for the first time this year and had a blast. But I stuck with my own group of friends and was happy there. I really only went with the expectation to deepen relationships with people I had only met online. That was accomplished.

Anything else was just a bonus.

Marilyn said...

Is there anything left to buy? Am I even invited to the next room party? ;)

Seriously, big ol AMEN from me for this too. And this is pretty much exactly what I was trying to say in my post of the same vein too. You can't hold it against anyone if you feel left out because BlogHer is what you make of it. And pretty much 90% of everyone there is shy in some way, shape or form. Me? Definitely socially awkward. But I had a great time, much better than '06.

superblondgirl said...

I can see both why people had fun and didn't - I think it has a lot to do with what you came into it expecting. If you wanted everyone to love you and fawn over you and be your best friend, of course you were going to be disappointed! There were way too many people there for you to be singled out. But the same goes for if you were sure you were going to be left alone in a corner and not talk to anyone - because, probably, you were giving off the "I'm scared, go away" sort of vibe. I would love to go sometime, but I'd also like to wait until I feel like I have more of a blogger community, people I know I want to see and who want to see me, so I don't have to worry about not knowing anyone and getting over-excited or overly shy.
(note: I just read a whole ton of links off here, Lena, so I'm not 100% sure I'm even commenting on your original post or the other posts I just read - so if this makes no sense, I apologize!)

Bobealia... said...

There were blogger groupies there looking for "big bloggers"? AHAhdshfaousurjasljsfljlahahahahahahhah.

Lena said...

I would definitely recommend giving BlogHer a try and I hope that came across. My only advice is this: have a friend lined up. It's the only way to fly. (Literally. I cry on planes.)

Amy said...

When I read posts about things like BlogHer, that is a part of me that is all "oh, that would be so cool! What a lot of fun!" But in reality I would probably never, ever go. Because I have been the girl sitting on the couch, wanting to disappear into the couch cushions too many times. Multiply that by 1000? EEEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!

dorothy said...

I missed the cheeseburgers because I stayed at my sister's apartment this year. I felt a little sad that I missed some of the sistah bonding, but only a little sad, because I had some real sister bonding with my actual sister, and that made me really happy. Also? I know there is next year's BlogHer, and e-mail, and all the other ways we can reach out and stick McDonald's bags on each other's heads in our lives.

You're right - there is always a way to feel excluded, but as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

Kyran said...

good points. I for one, was glad you raised the high school metaphor, because I thought we could agree to dispense with it after what Catherine said, and all just GRADUATE already (and stay up until dawn).

I am seriously thinking about handing out diplomas next year so we can all let it go.

;-)

Loralee Choate said...

I came here through Kerflop specifically because you went to BlogHer and I keep getting asked if I'm ever going to cart my butt there.

This is pretty much perfectly sums up what I'm afraid BlogHer would be like for me. I know it's mainly my fault. I prefer big fish, small pond, but maybe its time I grew up.

:S

Crystal said...

I'm going to be the voice of dissension here, at least with some of the other commenters.

While I agree that you had to be open to meeting new people and walk in with the attitude that you were there to have a good time and not relive high school, the high school analogy is a fitting one because: there are those of us who still feel insecure because of the social shark pool that was high school, BUT there are those still living as if they can only hang with the cool kids, too. Everyone needs to graduate together. My post was to bring to light those who make an attempt and still get snubbed. For some people, one snub is all it takes to ruin the whole thing, and while it's still going to happen, maybe some folks will think twice before they blow someone off because they don't recognize them.

I got blatantly snubbed three times in a row, and the third time, I kind of gave up. I tried to make conversation, I tried to be inviting and warm.

Case in point: one of the people who snubbed me read my post (the one where I whined about everything) and emailed me to say, "If I had known who you were, I totally would have hung out with you! I love your blog!" It shouldn't matter who I am or what my traffic is like or how many people link me. I tried to talk to you; me, the person, not the blog.

My husband was with me (and that seemed to be the reason for a few people not wanting to approach me...they thought they would be intruding) and he is always honest with me, even if I don't like it. He said it was 50% me being too sensitive and 50% those people being pretentious and uppity.

I have no idea what I'm trying to say here except that at next years Blogher? I'm going to ROCK OUT WITH MY COCK OUT, PEOPLE.

But only if I drink. A lot. Which I will. You have been warned.

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