Pages

8.06.2007

I Don't Own You, But I Love You

The view from our new house.


My New View...in more ways than one.


Every morning I pull back the curtains and open the windows and breathe in the ocean air. I go downstairs and pour a cup of coffee and wander into the backyard with the cats where we rub our backs across the patio. I take a deep breath and reflect upon how much I love this house and this town and this view. Then I go back inside and call our realtor, where I spend the next two hours making her tell me this will all end well.

It will be nice when my morning is missing one of these rituals.

Remember when I was sad and panicky about Savannah starting Kindergarten? It is amazing how spending 16 hours a day on the phone, unpacking, and working while trying to keep a five year old entertained will suddenly make you very comfortable with the whole "being away from you" idea.

While I know I'll still cry the day she actually lets go of my hand and crosses over that threshold where kids can be mean and words can seem scary, I'm confident that Savannah and I are both more than ready for this change. She is so ready to play with other kids and do homework and feel productive. And I am so ready to let go of the guilt.

The guilt. The guilt that during our last month together before she starts school, I have spent half of it on the phone and the other half thinking about how I should be on the phone.

The effects of the housing market crash have been so far-reaching that I cannot even begin to tell you the ways in which it has affected us. Our friendships, our marriage, our family, our parenting, have all paid the price.

I am ready for this to be over.

I am ready for this escrow to close, so that we can all put it behind us and start down our new paths. I am ready to have my life back.

August 27 is our closing date. The day after our seven year anniversary. I don't think I need to tell you what I asked for.

22 comments:

canape said...

It's easy to hold my breath for you when you post that picture of such a breathtaking view.

Karianna said...

I hate the housing market.

Best of luck to you. We've gotten NO offers. And the other houses in the neighborhood have been on the market for... years.

Lena said...

Oh, Karianna. How I hurt for you. Seriously.

CAN WE GO BACK TO BLOGHER PLEASE??

Butrfly4404 said...

Very pretty view.

I like your new take on life, dear. I believe it will serve you well.

Suburban Turmoil said...

Wow. Keeping my fingers crossed. But um. I'm pretty sure by the picture that YOU'RE MOVING RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO MY IN-LAWS. Sorry.

Sweetney said...

oh poor lady. thinking about you, crossing relevant apendages, missing you.

Melanie said...

This looks like just the place to recover.

I clicked over to your post about your daughter starting kindergarten == wow.

Mrs. Davis said...

I hope the next few weeks pass quickly for you and that your closing goes smoothly.

And I totally understand your feelings about kindergarten, guilt, etc. My mom was diagnosed with cancer about 6 weeks before my older son started kindergarten, and it was a similar situation -- me on the phone all the time, me traveling 8 hours away to visit her, feeling so guilty I couldn't be in two places at once. But he came through it all just fine, and is starting 2nd grade next Monday!

Poppy said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed that the 27th is the end of this nightmare for you...

superblondgirl said...

The new view is so gorgeous. (I have to tell you, though, you stop smelling the ocean smell after a while - you realize one day it's just not salty anymore because you're too used to it. It made me sad.) I hope everything goes smoothly and the icky part of the ritual goes away soon.

~JJ! said...

Wow. Gorgeous. The picture, the post...all of it.

mamatulip said...

I hope the end of the month brings the end of this for you.

whoorl said...

Fingers crossed for you!

Amanda said...

I am so rooting for you. Here's to hoping August brings nothing but good your way!!!!

Stacey063 said...

Hope things will improve for your family soon - my family is living with my parents for the past year (and 1/2) post job loss and having to sell our home - we're still waiting for everything to get much better too!

jen from boston said...

Much hope for a smooth closing and transition for Savannah to kindergarten. And that view? Spectacular.

We have the exact same closing date, btw.

So the 27th (knocks wood) I will toast me and Mike, and then you & Chris. Finally (knocks wood, throws salt) it will all be over and (knocks wood, throws salt, crosses fingers) you guys can have your lives back.

MommasWorld said...

Beautiful view! I hope you get what you wished for on your Anniversary!

Beth said...

Gorgeous view! Can't wait until you are able to really and truly enjoy it. August 27th will be here before you know it!

Anonymous said...

Lovely place. You will love having time for yourself once she is in school.
I hope you have a wonderful anniversary.

Kristi said...

Selling houses is the stress-i-est. But can I go join you with your killer view?

petite mommy said...

I adore the view.

My son just started Kindergarten today and I feel like I didn't spend enough "Quality" time with him before he started either. Will we ever not feel guilty?

Melissa Wiley said...

Gorgeous. What a lovely fall you will have, once the moving hell is behind you.

Yesterday I drove by a house that has been on the market since we moved to San Diego nine months ago. That's how long OUR house in VA sat on the market before it finally moved. I felt so bad for the owners of this house that I sort of wanted to buy it just out of sympathy. We're sticking with a rental for now, though. My hubby is shell-shocked and doesn't want to risk getting saddled with another house, any house, for a long while. It's strange, you know? Becoming long-term renters again in our late 30s?

I just tell myself I'm holding out for a view like yours.


 photo copyright.jpg
envye template.