10 Things About BlogHer You Won't Read Anywhere Else

1. When you are an hour away from LAX for your Chicago flight and you're stuck in traffic and running out of gas and not one, but two (!), gas stations are "closed for repairs", even though you've never seen anything like that before in your life, and Yvonne calls you from the airport to tell you that it took her an hour to even get through security and "ARE YOU GOING TO MISS THE PLANE?" you will start crying and so will she.

2. Hating to fly + running through an airport + no deodorant = you smell like your own personal petting zoo when you arrive in Chicago.

3. Entering the W Hotel lobby at 12:00 midnight pretty much guarantees that the party has started without you. Your life may be threatened by Jes for being sober. You may witness Schnozz doing the Running Man. And you and Izzy will likely remove your shirts within an hour of saying "Hi" to each other.

4. When you show up to the convention center the next morning, they will not have your name tag. Because you are super important. You will need to handwrite your own name on a blank tag. And since you have the handwriting of a 7 year old, you will spend the entire weekend watching people squint and stare at your chest before asking "Who are you?". To which you respond "Dooce". Of course.

5. Before you speak on the "Momosphere" panel, you will be convinced that when the email said there would be "a speakers' lounge with beverages" they did not mean Sprite. Sadly, you will be mistaken.

6. You may have actually done some speaking on the panel. You won't be sure. Your ponytails were pulled pretty tight. Also, Catherine was using a lot of big words. (Does anyone know if there is a podcast out there of this panel? It's for my mother. Seriously. Please hurry, she's starting to Google.)

7. When Amy Sedaris is at a cocktail party, you might want to, you know, GO MEET HER. Rather than have cocktail straw races with 40 of your closest friends on the other side of the room. (I'll die wondering what my major malfunction was that night.)

8. When you show up to a Real Simple party uninvited and are welcomed and told to grab any tame tag, don't believe them. It's a trap. Once you and your friends eat their filet mignon and drink their wine, be prepared to be scolded like a five-year-old and told that "you're free to take your conversation outside!" by an obviously very uptight assistant during her boss' speech. Since you've had a few drinks, you may or may not look around at your table of friends (Yvonne, Lindsay, Kathy, Kim, and Jes) and ask loudly "Do you know who they are?".

It will all be worth it though, since Lindsay will respond to everything the rest of the night, "Well, that's real simple!".

9. When you lean over to Yvonne during the closing session and whisper "Let's have a party in our room", you won't know it yet, but you, Y, Kathy, Rachel, and Lindsay are about to mastermind the most rocktastic BlogHer partay ever to be experienced. So kickass will it be that it will take W security to shut it down.

If you will...

7-11 booze and bean dip: $84.00
25 McDonald's hamburgers and fries: $32.00
2 Excedrin for the morning: $2.00

McDonald's Bag Hats: awesomeness

Even the realization that you served 40 bloggers bean dip and then invited them to sit on your pillow won't dampen your spirits.

10. However, after three days of your girlfriends, it will feel like you've been away from these faces for way too long.

BlogHer will give you a warm afterglow as you lift off from Chicago. It will feel like it went too quickly, but once you realize that you're heading home to your heart, it won't be a moment too soon.

**I'm pretty sure I've linked everyone whose pictures I used. If I didn't, please send me an email so that I can mail you cookies.


DianaCLT said...

It looks like you had so much fun! I'm betting it was one of the great slumber parties of our time (and age group, and mommy-ness)! ;) Wish I could have been there! And it was probably so nice to get away from all of your recent stresses for awhile! Glad you made it there safely - and back to your family safely and happily! :)

Kimberly said...

I was so excited to finally meet you Lena, and then to have you say "Do you even eat?" made me love you more. Party crashing with you was a blast. I'm glad we had the guts to get simple ;-)

Suburban Turmoil said...

Awesome recap. Dude, we like SPONSORED that party! We were party sponsors! And anyway,


canape said...

You are my new hero. You crashed the Real Simple party. That is so funny.

I'm looking forward to partying with you when I'm not tired and preggo. Maybe next year :)

Kathy said...

You will also rejoice when you find out that Kathy has video evidence of Y using bean dip cans as a bra.

You are made of pure awesomeness.

Butrfly4404 said...

Great recap. I love how you rocked the ponytails. You can just make anything cool, can't you!?

Lola Goetz said...

i swear i didn't fart on your pillow. really i didn't.

i think the 'simple' people were scared to take the schwag bag away from a pregnant woman. that's the only reason i can think of for why they didn't grab it out of my hands, too.


blog Portland said...

Am I actually supposed to believe that there's a real purpose behind BlogHer, other than to drink?

I didn't think so.

Kim said...

It looks like so much fun! And Chicago is an awesome town! Looks like you gave it a run for it's money! Wish I could have been there. Maybe next year....IF this damn house ever sells!

jennster said...

this recap KICKS ASS!

Miss said...

That is one of the best BlogHer recaps I have read so far. THIS entry makes me wanna go next year. You guys rock. Glad you had so much fun!

Kelly Reising said...

You rock Ms. 7&7--it was great meeting you!
:) Kelly (Mother Magnetism)

gingajoy said...

I am so fucking bummed to have missed that party! By that stage I was utterly fried, and had already had tears a few times (which I think you cottoned onto). BlogHer is SO FUCKING INTENSE.

did security chuck everyone out?

You DID talk at the panel. I remember it. You said some very insightful things about the "politics" of it all. Serious. I also appreciated your final comment at my panel-(about finding other communities, etc).

Also. You have very nice legs.

Izzy said...

Dude...You and Y are like Lucy and Ethel but way funnier and cuter! Can I adopt you guys?

I thoroughly enjoyed your company and I seriously wish we lived, you know, NOT on opposite sides of the country.

I've emailed Y to get her address so I can FedEx her pretty shirt back to her but I think I scared her because I made a stalker joke. Oopsy!

My new rules to live by:

Never make bomb jokes on an airplane and never make stalker jokes to fellow bloggers.

PS: Go look at my Flickr. Many awesome pix of you!

Her Bad Mother said...

I love you.

Mom101 said...

Your party was rawkin fo sho. And that lucy and ethel analogy? Spot on. But I'm not saying who's who.

Lena said...

Gingajoy - I have the legs of a 12 year old boy, but I appreciate that.

Lena said...

Izzy - I suppose I'm ETHEL.

This is like when Chris told me Yvonne and I were like "Oprah and ...that other girl".


Y said...

Do you know how much fun I had?

I had SO much fun, that I'm not even trippin' about that first picture where you can see just how enormous my multiple chins are.

And normally, that would bother me, but DUDE, look at how happy we were! We were so happy and so I can look past The Chins and see The Joy.

THAT'S how much fun I had.


Lena said...

Y - you KNOW that's my favorite picture, right? I can hear your laugh. Please don't make me take it down.

(high pitched voice) I love you (/high pitched voice)

jen from boston said...

"Funny" how you "conveniently" left out the bit about [a] "Saturn" being parked up Uranus. Or whatever happens when you turn 30 and your aura resets iteself. or...I don't know. Here's have some more bean dip.

Oh, and almost being beaten up. Sort of. For "flirting" w/ a girl's "boyfriend" at the bar.
that was cool. who had your back then? yep.

Also, like Miss Doxie's sister, Ziz, they could call you "tits on sticks". (I could say that all day). that's a compliment, btw. here they call me "the ruler". you know, shapely like one.

p.s. lola totally farted on yer pillah.

ali said...

best. blogher. recap.


Bitsy Parker said...

Clearly, the Real Simple party crash was the best part of Blogher. Is that the same party that Jen Lancaster crashed? Someone post a photo of the giveaway bag.

Bobealia... said...

Looks like you had big fun!

Lena said...

Jen from B - You know I lurve you.

Anonymous said...

Very awesome recap. Had I known about your party, I wouldn't have spent 30 desperate dollars on the W burger. No really, $30 for ONE burger (with truffle-oil fries), but still.

Lola Goetz said...

oh, jen, just when i was thinking such nice thoughts about you... you throw down like that. i was even thinking of sending you a magazine clipping where i saw the title of your blog. but now, well, it's ON girlfriend. ;)


Karen said...


And I have read ALOT.

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