Chances I'll Come Back Are 50/50

We're leaving in exactly one hour to go visit family this weekend.* I am exactly five hours behind schedule.

Today's Schedule (as it was written out last night)

7:00 - 8:00 : Write for Mamapop - do tomorrow's posts today!

8:00 - 9:00 : Clean entire house for Saturday's Open House!

9:00 - 10:00 : Shower. Take Savannah to school.

11:00 - 12:00 : Buy cat food, pick up pants from cleaners, buy bathing suit, buy lotion, buy gifts for nephews and some of those Trader Joe's Reduced Fat Cheese Puffs for the drive.

12:00 - 1:00 : Fold 4 loads of laundry.

1:00 - 2:00 : Write for Club Mom (at least 2 witty, yet heartfelt posts, so that I can relax on long drive).

2:00 - 2:30 : Pack

2:30 - 3:00 : Get car washed, get gas.

3:00 : Pick up Savannah and go!

Today's Schedule (as it is actually happening. Or not happening.)

8:00 - 8:20 : Wake up. Play Cat vs. My Finger under the sheet. Laugh. Thoroughly enjoy self.

8:20 : Shuffle into office with coffee and decide to check "real quick".

10:00 : Race screaming from office. No time to shower. Wash face. Throw on Target shorts and expose leg hair from mid-May. Dig bra out of laundry.

10:05 : Encounter husband in laundry. Also trying to find underwear. Try to make a joke about how much more cozy underwear are after being napped on by cats.

10:10 : Run downstairs to make Savannah's lunch.

10:11 : Right. No groceries because we're leaving for 4 days.

10:12 : Scour refrigerator.

10:13 : Lecture Savannah on the starving kids in Africa who would love to have a cold hot dog. They wouldn't cry. They wouldn't ask for a bun either.

10:25 : Drop Savannah off at school with hot dog.

10:30 - 11:00 : Call friends on cell and chat while driving aimlessly around town. Manage to stop at Starbucks and Bagel Cafe.

11:00 - 12:30 : Write post for Club Mom. Feel smug. Spend 30 minutes surfing YouTube.

12:30 - 12:45 : Make dog do tricks for the rest of bagel.

12:46 : Feel regretful. Wasn't done with bagel after all.

12:47 : Get suitcase out to pack.

12:50 - 1:15 : Try on every pair of pants in closet.

1:15 : Am convinced dryer has super heating capabilities.

1:20 : Get out fat pants. Too tight.

1:21 : Try to feed fat pants to dog.

1:30 : Suddenly realize have only used the bathroom once today. Google kidney diseases.

2:00 : Feel terrified. Am dying. Intervention by Chris. Points out that I haven't had any water today. Oh. Right.

2:15 : Look at clock. Realize have less than 1 hour to write for Mamapop, buy cat food, pick up pants from cleaners, buy bathing suit, buy lotion, buy gifts for nephews and Trader Joe's Reduced Fat Cheese Puffs, pack, fold 4 loads of laundry, clean entire house, get car washed and shower.

2:16 : Panic. Am not going to be able to get everything done in time.

2:17 : Must go write about it on blog.


*If anyone, I mean anyone, wants to set my house on fire while I'm away, you have my permission. Please let the cats out first. They'll run fast if you clap. Thank you.


❉ pixie ❉ said...

"Laugh. Thoroughly enjoy self."

Love this line. Glad I'm not the only one who enjoys themselves.

Kim said...

I'll let the cats out. I promise!! ;-) Have a great time, enjoy yourself as much as possible!

Karly said...

I love that you regretted feeding the bagel to the dog. That sounds like something I would do. Actually, your whole day of procrastination sounds like me.

Butrfly4404 said...

My favorite was:
Try to make a joke about how much more cozy underwear are after being napped on by cats.

I blame them when their clothes aren't clean. So what if I won't let anyone else touch the washer.

Hope you have a wonderful, stress-free weekend.

Becca said...

Hmmmm. Well then. On that note I'm going to go rot in front of the TV and feel less guilty for ignoring piles of laundry, work, bills, and the like.



blog Portland said...

A famous man once said "Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans." Then again, that guy was also murdered, so maybe you should just accept things the way they are.

MommasWorld said...

We have all had those "quick" phone calls that last forever and suck up your day, through off the well thought out schedule. I hate those.

Anyway, Have a fantastic weekend! As soon as you have the luggage in the car the house no longer exists. Enjoy yourself!

Jhianna said...

You're like the more hilarious, hotter, and more exciting version of my inner voice.

Hope you have/had a great vacation!

Stephanie D. said...

Love this post....that is my life...especially the part about the fat pats.....LOL!

Stephanie D. said...

Love this post. I swear this is my life. We never get off ANYWHERE on time. LOL!

Moron Family said...

My favorite part was


Seriously, I can't stop laughing!!!

Enjoy your weekend!


Tina said...

A twin soul who appreciates 80s hair! Loved the comment about your leg hair. I feel the same way. However, I live in Phoenix, so I guess I need to do something quick.

Tuesday Girl said...

Sounds a bit like my day!
have a nice, relaxing vacation.

JoAnn said...

Sounds so much like my life!!

I so enjoy reading your blog- you have such a talent!

JeriLynn said...

Umm... am I the only one still waiting for my ice cream?

Y said...

You left something out.

2:07: Call Y to talk about how much we rule.


Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

MommasWorld said...

How are things going today?

My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours said...

I just found your blog and I'm sooo glad! Definitely bookmarking it, in the unexpected event you make it home from your trip.

Love that your cats sleep on your underwear, too. I'll use the "cozy" line with my husband. Wish me luck :-). Oh, and his cozy, cat-slept-on skivvies are pink. Everything's pink. Dang little girls' clothes!

Anonymous said...

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Butrfly4404 said...

Lena - habla espanol?

You're not going to do word verification now are you?

jerilynn - No. I'm still waiting on mine, too.

Mariselle said...

My dog won't eat my fat pants either. First time reading your blog...and laughing hysterically to myself.

Pam said...

am I the only one who's noticed that you never came back (here) after that weekend trip -- it's been over a week and I need me some Cheeky updates!

Marcia said...

seriously. That soudns like me. GREAT intentions. Shitty follow through. It makes me feel better.

If you ever feel badly about what you've done that day, just IM me, and I'll have done less.

Anonymous said...

Vey Funny :) You have a great life!

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