One couple came through the house last week. One.
For the first time in literally a full year everything came together in our neighborhood last weekend. Almost every lawn was mowed and green. Spring disguised weeds into "wildflowers". The sky was a crisp blue adorned with big fluffy white clouds. People were actually out pushing jogging strollers and walking dogs. Walking dogs! Expensive SUV's were driving around. It was splendiful!
Do you think anyone came? At all? Even one?
Would you like to know when that one couple came? Three days later. In a driving rain. With gray skies. Which I would have been able to handle on its own were it not for...
the crazy man...
strolling down the sidewalk...
in the pouring rain...
without an umbrella...
And also glaring! As if strolling is not enough!
As Chris and I jumped in the car we saw him coming. 'Oh God, please don't let them pull up right now'.
But, of course they did. And Chris let out a small cry like a wounded bird. A wounded bird with a very large m*rtgage.
And as we slowly drove away we watched the nice lady get out of her car and come face to face with the crazy on the sidewalk. She gave him a weak smile and he stared her down.
A crazy man stared her down! I could not have orchestrated it better myself!
Needless to say, we have not heard from them since.
Over the last three years we have occasionally seen some characters:
- a 300 pound latina woman walking down the center of the street in her sweats with one leg pulled up above a knee and the most giant red bow I have ever seen in her hair
- the old man with a shaved head and vacant eyes who shuffles around the neighborhood with his pants unzipped
- a young guy dressed all in black dragging a large garbage bag behind him down the sidewalk
And hey, we were right for once!
Our neighbor confirmed for us that there is, in fact, a house for crazy people at the end of the block. A real loony bin! Right here on our street in our flaccid market! Admittedly most convenient given my current mental state.
We weren't sure what to make of this discovery until last night when our realt*r said this:
"Well, let's just hope we sell before it gets really hot. ...That's when the 300 pound lady walks down the middle of the street in her red bikini".
We immediately lowered our price. For a fourth time. Which was rewarded with a jaunty sign.
A sign which I've taken it upon myself to alter in order to convey the truth of the matter:
P.S. Next post is going to be positive, I swear to god, it's going to be about unicorns and kittens. Although, are kittens positive? I have a stain on the new carpet that says otherwise.