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4.02.2007

Unopened House

Yesterday marked our sixth Open House. We have lowered our price to such a point that the only thing we have left to lower is our standards.

You'd like to buy our house for your meth lab? Why, that's just what this neighborhood is missing!

After all the building, painting, digging, planting, and repairing we've done, to say Chris is frustrated would be an understatement. After owning a gazebo for four years this is the month it decides to rip across the top. After living in this house for three years, this is the month the tiles start to crack. And the tree in the back yard? What is it, ten years old? When does it die? Oh that would be now.

So, this exchange yesterday, twenty minutes before our Open House, made me giggle.

I call out from our bedroom closet: "Chris, the light bulb just went out in here!"

And Chris shouts back from the office where he's trying to scrub a brand new carpet stain, in a near hysterical voice: "Of course it's out! Why wouldn't it be out? As a matter of fact I should be asking you 'Is the light bulb out yet in there?'"
So, how did the Open House go, you ask? Let's answer that in pictures and numbers.

60 chicken wings, 40 breadsticks and 2 cases of soda for our Open House: $56.00

Having ONE person come to our Open House: shitastically awesome

Open House Carnage


Open House Carnage


Consuming five breadsticks before this picture was taken while crying: only awesome

Obviously the real estate market wants me to put my head in the oven. But, then of course I'd be the one to clean that too.

Oliver


"At least your litter box doesn't keep disappearing."

29 comments:

Brillig said...

Oh, wow. What an awful open house. I'm right there with you. I have a house that HAS to sell, like YESTERDAY. It's an awful feeling. Good luck with yours. Hope the cat can find the litterbox...

Tara said...

I was just reading Melissa's story and I feel for both of you! Such stress. Ouch!

Way to keep it funny though. :)

MAMB said...

Ugh. My husband is interviewing in other cities for jobs. I am envisioning it taking us over a year to sell this place while paying rent in the new city - oh and I've just become a SAHM. Fabulous.
I hope you get some movement on your house soon!

Janssen said...

We bought our current house when it'd been on the market for four days and they accepted our low offer. Even though we just moved in, I'm already worried that all the luck for selling quickly and early might be gone and that, when we do decide to move, it'll take us approximately three gazillion years.

Virenda said...

Ouch. I hurt for you Lena. Here's to hoping the market picks up...


(Oliver is going to be discussing this with his therapist in a couple years...)

Kateastrophe said...

My house goes on the market in two weeks. I'm feeling your pain. Our blinds just broke . . .

Linsey said...

Lena!!! I am so sorry! It sucks! My house went on the market today. I read an article that said something like every 17 lookers will buy it. So if you can get 17 lookers.... problem is we have lookers looking at 100 other homes the same as mine. Well, if we even HAVE lookers. When we bought this house it was "this is so great financially, you will make so much when you sell it" Last time I do that...

Laural Dawn said...

We went through this with our condo. It was horribly stressful. Tons of people came to our open houses - all of them our neighbours! Seriously. So then we gave up hope completely. And then it eventually sold. Mind you on the day we closed the guy's mortgage fell through and we almost had to sell it all over again. But... it did go through.
Seriously... it'll happen.

the new girl said...

I'm so sorry for you. That totally sucks. I hope that the breadsticks were good, though. And the soda. I hope that you could drown your sorrows in that ice cold coca-cola.

Heather B. said...

Just to show you my naivety; I had no idea that selling a house required so much work. As such, I think I'll be renting until I'm 87, thankyouverymuch.

Now, I am sending you thoughts of cupcakes and wine. That help any?

Finding My New Normal said...

Wait, you have to feed people at your open houses? We just boil cinnamon in water an hour before or bake bread, but we don't leave anything edible out in the open.

Karly said...

Dude! I would totally come to your open house, but just to eat the food! I've never been to an open house that serves chicken wings!

And your cat? Cracks me up. Poor thing doesn't know where to pee.

Stacey said...

When I sold my house in CA, people expected snacks at the open houses. Here in Washington, not so much. What's up with that?

Theresa said...

I had my house on the market for a year...so I feel your pain. The broker had many open houses and he provided the food. Not that many people showed up.

I drove around and kept seeing signs on neighbors lawns that said, "Coldwell Banker, We're packing" amd I called them as soon as my contract with the other company expired. Within 1 and a half weeks my house was sold at the same price.

I sold low and bought low to make up for the loss. My closing is in 4 weeks on my current house and a few days after that for my new house in another state.

I'm not married so I'm doing this by myself.

The packing is driving me insane!

mamatulip said...

Girl, I feel for you. If it's any consolation, I would have scarfed down the chicken wings in a state of serious discontent. Way to show self-restraint, Lena.

Hang in there. It'll sell.

superblondgirl said...

Ugh, that sucks. I can't believe no one showed up for you. Why is selling a house so hard??

Your cat, though, is adorable.

Marcia said...

I haven't heard the word "shitastically" in so long. Seriously. You just made my day.

Butrfly4404 said...

I've never heard of feeding the people at open houses, either. I can't BELIEVE nobody's bought your house yet. Some of the showings I went to, they didn't even bother to CLEAN UP.

I would have appreciated it if they'd at LEAST taken the intiative to make it SMELL like food!

Kristin said...

Listen, go and get yourself a statue of St. Joseph and bury it upside down in your yard... it'll sell.

www.stjosephtradition.com

karen said...

Lena, the st. joseph statue is worth a try. we had a hard time selling our last house and our realtor bought us one of those statues and then it sold. weird, I know, but it's worth a shot!

Butrfly4404 said...

I've told her about that before! People think you're crazy for recommending it!

It worked for my mom...then she dug him back up and now displays him in her DREAM HOME....

It may sound kooky, but a couple dollars and a few minutes versus taking MORE off the asking price and being there LONGER??? Worth a shot!

Lena said...

It's true - Amy has recommended that.

(sigh)


*eats another breadstick*

Amanda said...

That blows. I can so empathize. Our house was on the market just as things shit-tanked and it was hell. I was pregnant and couln't change the kitty litter, my husband was oblivious, my toddler impishly wiped food everywhere, the dog went into some sort of hyper-shedding mode and our neughbors ostracized us for leaving. Well, actually we never left because two weeks before we closed with an offer just $1K shy of our asking price the buyer died. He was hale and hearty and then, overnight, dead. His wife had crappy credit and the deal flopped. A year and half later we are still in the house, and joy of joys, our freaking neighbors hate us more than ever. I'll light a candle for you.

Lena said...

HAHAHA! I feel better than ever now.

Kaleigh said...

St. Joseph worked for us, too. Six months on the market, then we buried the statue, and had a contract in six weeks. Closed two weeks later.

And I'm not even Catholic. (It was a Jewish friend of mine who told me to do it...has always worked for her, too.) (Worked for my minister a few months later, too.)

Bobealia... said...

OH shit, that really sucks.
Ugh.

Liz said...

I feel your pain. We've been listed for four months. And our mortgage is about to adjust!

Arrrrgh! I hate CA!

Bobealia... said...

Re the party on the other blog... I can't join and stuff 'cause i'm like not a mom and stuff, but like I really need to know the secret best product ever. Seriously.

Butrfly4404 said...

Just to push my craziness a little more..

See...He is now prominently displayed.


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