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4.30.2007

It's Official! I'm Going To Die Here!

Hey, guess what? We got an offer!

(The crowd goes wild.)

For $25,000 less than we're listed!

(Crowd throws popcorn at computer screen and leaves.)

I know! I'm thinking what you're thinking! How can so much awesomeness keep happening to one wee person?

Our realt*r called yesterday and said the four little words that I pray to hear every time the phone rings: "We got an offer". Except, apparently I've been too vague in my prayers. Because in retrospect, I don't JUST want to the realt*r to say she has an offer. After the realt*r says "we got an offer", I then want her to STOP TALKING.

Rather than adding "...but, don't get excited".

The good news is that if there's one thing I can do well, it's contain excitement when I'm royally pissed off.

These, um, what shall we call them? Asshats? These asshats offered us $25,000 less than we're asking and they're contingent (they need to sell their house in Hawaii) and their loan isn't approved and they don't want us monitoring the status of the house they're selling and some other stuff I can't remember, but I think involved me sacrificing a goat.

In retrospect, their realt*r's name really should have tipped us off:

100_7302


That is seriously her name.

Go ahead, Google her! And when you find her let her know I'm waving my Number 1 finger at her fax!

So, we spent all weekend counter-offering and laughing at their subsequent offers, which increased by increments of .0001 cent, before finally taking our realt*r's suggestion that we "tell them to go pound sand". (I sort of love her for using that phrase.)

And I'm no longer laughing at my "four apples and a squirrel" comment. Because: $25,000???

P.S. Just wait until you hear who we found out lives on our street. It may be contributing to why I'm eating a freaking sheet cake right now. Maybe.

38 comments:

chirky said...

Crap. I can't view images on the Internet from work. (I know, okay? I know.)

And now I can't see your realtor's name. But I'd love to Google her.

Please send help. (Or a new employer, whichever comes first.)

Anonymous Boxer said...

Boo! I threw my popcorn AND stomped away. Then I realized Im at work and this is the Internet. Still, I hope it didn't waste all of your weekend. The market isn't THAT bad.

jen from boston said...

to respond in stoner language, "dude, seriously?"

jen from boston said...

p.s. have you read MelissaS @ suburnabliss's experience? where the insane neighbor came in during an open house and hosed them while on a phone talking to a friend, in a loud voice, "yeah, this place look like shit, this need to be replaced, this & that needs to be done..." Nice. AND these are people who want her gone?

You have some stiff competition for Realty Bizarro World-ness.

Lena said...

Jen - I read Melissa every day. And yeah, that was horrible. Asssshaaats.

Lena said...

Her name is M*ry J*ne Stoner. Seriously!

Y said...

Who is living on your street and why didn't you tell me when we were talking on the phone?

Personally, I think that her name gives her an UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.

hahhahhahaha

I can't breathe. Still.

Kelli in the Mirror said...

That is the best name ever. She needs to be a pharmacist or herbalist or something instead of a realtor though.
Since her clients are apparently smoking something with that offer anyway...

Priscilla said...

K-Fed? OMG, K-Fed??? :)

Sorry, I was just thinking what famous person would I hate to have living near me when I was trying to sell my house...

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Jeez. I'm sorry. Asshats!

Stoner dude needs to get a new job...Like bong sculpting or hydroponics...

Stefanie said...

Girl, at this point you need to just let go and let God. I mean it.

And please tell me you have buried that damn St. Joseph statue already!

Kaleigh said...

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Except we finally did get to a number we could live with...even though we had to move out in two weeks and our new house wasn't ready.

If you haven't buried St. Joseph, get to it!

Stephanie said...

You must must bury a st joseph statue. Upside down. Your house will then sell.

Amy said...

uhhhh what? That is seriously her name? Wow...I think she shouldn't be selling houses. Go pound sand sounds like a WONDERFUL idea...what puts in an offer $25,000 less and expects to get it? Wow

MommasWorld said...

I would so be pissed off! When I was looking for a house I never made an offer that low!! I did the usual of $5,000 or a point or two but never low balled like that! I was trying to buy at a time when it was a sellers market but come on, you have to haggle the price just a little or it does not seem right. If they take your offer for the actual price then you are left wondering what is wrong. My own realitor actually said "Honey, you should not ask for so many tests. It puts sellers off." My thoughts were If there is something wrong with the foundation, water or they have termites I really do NOT want that house. I wanted all the tests done. We finally moved last October and let me tell you after finding the house the move was still a mess. Do NOT let the movers pack your belongings and do not move on a Saturday or Sunday after 5pm. I still cannot find all of my silverwear! I kept my silverwear in the cherry wood display box! How could they loose part of my silverwear? Why would they repack my china in "other boxes?" I found some of my china in the box with my computer monitor!

I am booing and hissing at the offer made on your house.

MommasWorld said...

Just to throw out a few of us who have gone through the moving experience recently....

http://lahdeedahsworld.blogspot.com/2007_02_01_archive.html Also view her January and December archives. She has sold her house and now in her new house.

http://straddlingtheline.blogspot.com She had some nice things to say when I was ranting about not finding a house to buy. She had recently moved (my post last October).

You are not alone. We all throw popcorn and a few other things when we are in the process of moving.

EE said...

That's insulting. My first gyno was Dr. Feeler...no joke.

Butrfly4404 said...

AHAHAH!! I'm so changing my name...I wonder if The Man would take MY last name then. Hahahahahaah!!!!!

I like Dr. Feeler OB/GYN, too!!!

HAhahah...my old friends all used Dr. Bong as their OB, kind of a mix of the two.

I wouldn't take that offer, either. That's insane.

annenahm.com said...

Oh hon, I too shake my fist at the screen. But looking at your comments, I think I must go off now and buy stock in the company making those little religious statues.

Taryn said...

OK I googled her name (because I'm at work and bored!) and apparently she's a FAMOUS realtor in Hawaii.

And that's the best she could do?

Sheesh.

Hang in there Lena!

jennster said...

what?!?! who the hell lives on your street? TELL ME THIS INSTANT!

Jennifer said...

Very ballsy and insanely stupid to offer so low...What else would you expect from a stoner.

I'll be on the edge of my seat, waiting to hear who lives on your street!

Karianna said...

You are totally living my nightmare (or thereabouts.)

I am scrubbing. And planting. And shoving things in the garage. And living with the "bare minimum" and yet I imagine it will be awhile before my place gets sold because the others on the market in my neighborhood have been for sale since last summer.

We're going to end up pricing it around $100K less than it really should be. Sigh.

Kristin said...

Ok, suckage on the offer - but really, MARYJANE STONER?... AWESOME!

amisare waswerebeen said...

Hmmm...it's not Michael Jackson, is it? Beware if he starts asking about playdate groups. No, really, who is it?

amisare waswerebeen said...

You know, that name sounds totally made up. I've heard of real estate agents that put in their own offers under a different name (heard from my hubby who is an agent).

kris said...

my heart aches for you, baby girl. renting seems so appealing no. then again, no it doesn't.

dying to hear who is on the street . . .

Kelly said...

Wow. What to say?
I'm sorry?
I'm pissed off for you?

Geez. That offer sucked a$$.
Not much more to say, is there?

Tuesday Girl said...

People have some nerve.

James Burnett said...

Cool blog. And funny stuff. I don't envy you with selling the house. My wife and I were among the last dummies to buy in South Florida before the most recent value slide started at the end of '05. Now, I would give a testicle and at least one arm if we could sell the damned place...at a profit. And I can't blame you for being suspicious of a realtor named Stoner. She had to have changed her name, first or last, or both, to make that all fit so perfectly.

wordgirl said...

Seriously, I've read about two bloggers who sold their house only days after burying the St. Jospeh statue. I'm not a big believer in stuff like that, but...hey...it can't hurt.

Kelly said...

Mary Jane Stoner.

You've got to be kidding me.

Lisa said...

Ughh.

We've been through this too. We are now entertaining a second "we got an offer."

The first one offered $15,000 less (on a house that costs less than $160,000) and wanted it as is. Although the offer was very low it was from an old neighbor. We liked them and figured we'd sacrafice some bucks just to avoid having to fix any little things. But after the inspection they wanted all of this extra work done. HELLO! As is people! So we had to tell them to found salt too. Thankfully we've had a wonderful real estate agent. But yes, it sucks when people want something for nothing and they want YOUR something for nothing.

GOod luck!

Lexi said...

Oh my gosh! You have no idea how funny this is! What is up with realtors who have the last name stoner? The realtor that sold my house is named Ann Stoner. I hope your laughing right now. And her husbands name is Michael Stonerand he is in commercial real estate. hahahaa ok i'm still cracking up

Mom101 said...

I can only say I feel for you because the last offer we got was for 25 PERCENT below asking.

Is there any point at which a swift roundhouse to the jaw is an acceptable response to an offer? What would Ms. Stoner say?

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