Do you want to know how to feel like a complete loser? Hire a housekeeper to come in and then while she's here, let her walk in on you:
1) taking a picture of yourself in the mirror
2) sneaking chips from a bag you've cleverly hidden behind a pillow as you sit in bed on your laptop
3) watching the Hamster Dance on YouTube
4) sipping a Slurpee and petting the cat with your foot
Lo. Ser. I can just envision her coming in here any minute and saying "Ma'am, I'm finished. And also? Are your legs broken?"
Moving on down the list. Here we go!
#2 - I once reported a car driving in front of me that was on an Amber Alert and maybe saved a kidnapped child.
A few years ago I was driving on the 241, a local toll highway which at the time was a fairly new and less-traveled alternative to the main interstate, on my way to school (my ten year college plan is a semester every other year - it's going well, thank you) and I notice that the large jumbotron has an Amber Alert running across it. You know, the alert that immediately goes out when a child is reported kidnapped?
So, I notice that the vehicle description is like a 1990 Green Ford Explorer with a partial license plate number and that they were last seen in Irvine, which just so happens to be the city I am about 15 miles north of.
Then, it was like something out of a movie, I swear. Just a couple minutes later a ratty old customized green Ford Explorer goes flying past me in the opposite direction on the highway.
I stare at it in my rearview mirror for a second. Was that a Ford Explorer? It was. And it was very green. And about fifteen years old. Additionally, this was an area where you rarely saw an old car, let alone one in such bad shape.
No way, I thought. What are the chances? Then I think you never know and I pick up my phone.
I dial 911. I describe the car I just saw. "Yep. Yep." the dispatcher says as I describe the custom paint. She's rapidly firing off questions and asking me if I can follow the Explorer as she's dispatching an officer. I'm still driving in the opposite direction as the Explorer when I see a cop come screeching onto the highway on the other side and speeding past me.
The dispatcher is still on the phone with me. She's urgently talking with someone else, but asks me to stay on the line.
Then? Then? She shouts "We got him! We got him! Thank you!" and HANGS UP.
I'm still driving and holding the phone and she's just hung up and I'm too far now to see anything in my rearview mirror and my hands are shaking.
What just happened? Did she say they got him because the officer I saw caught up to him? Or because she received new information? And did she cry thank you! because my call is the call that nailed him? And did she have to hang up on me in her excitement without letting me know for sure what happened??
I called Chris right away and started crying because it was so intense and I maybe saved a child's life! Or something! We talked about calling the local police department to find out what the story was, but it seemed a little self-serving, so we never did.
Looking back I wish I had. Mainly because it would have made a killer post years later.
Let's make this a two-for because I'm pretty sure no one is on the edge of their seats waiting to find out if (((gasp))) I aced a final for a class of which I only attended one day. Which is to say #3 is TRUE as well.
Next up: my night with LL Cool J! Or...not?