So, where were we? Oh, right. #4 - I once was pulled up on stage by LL. Cool J during a concert.
I've never even been to an LL concert, let alone been pulled up on stage by him. Although, this is true in my mind if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
Now, for the sake of my ADD, let me just go ahead and give you the goods on a few more of the truths:
#5 My nose is currently broken.
Crazy, right? During a doctor's appointment for a sinus infection a few years ago, the doctor came back in with my x-rays and asked nonchalantly "So, how long has your nose been broken?". Wha...? We think it happened when I was a baby, but the official story is it happened while I was streetfighting. With Cameron Diaz.
#6 Dean Cain hit on me at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.
Read about it here.
#7 My aunt had Post Partum Depression and jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.
Sad, but true. My grandfather's sister, Lara Partridge, was a beautiful statuesque blonde. She gave birth to twins - a boy and a girl - and jumped to her death off the Golden Gate Bridge while in the throes of PPD. My crying on the kitchen floor story pales in comparison, no?
#8 I bought my mom a $5,000 sapphire ring when her cat died.
Although upon further reflection (aka Chris is the freaking Truth Police, I swear), the ring was more around $4,000. And it wasn't just because of the cat. A long, long time ago in a land far, far away Chris and I briefly had money to burn. We had just convinced my mom to move to Southern California with us and she was lonely and depressed. Then her favorite cat disappeared, likely caught by coyotes. She drove around for weeks shaking kitty treats out the window and calling for him. She cried every single day. So, it was a sad time in her life and the cat was like the last straw. I took her to dinner and told her how much I loved her and what an amazing mother she has always been and it was sort of like a great big thank you for being my mom. But, the cat totally triggered it.
As did having two nickels to rub together. If her cat were to die now, she'd get a card. From 7-Eleven.
Well! That's enough fun for one day! I pinky swear that the next post will be so self-deprecatingly funny, I'm not going to be able to take myself seriously anymore. What a relief.
#9 I once was a Christian missionary in Utah and was chased by a rifle-toting polygamist.
#10 I once got into a drunken political argument with Adam Duritz at The House of Blues in L.A. and then accused him of having an affair with Monica Potter.
#11 I once threw a party and no one came.
I'm already laughing. But, crying on the inside, you see.