Truth or Lie Blah Blah Blah - Part 3!

I fully planned on updating this site over the weekend, but between posting naked pictures of myself and writing about Britney's eyes rolling back in her head this is the first chance I've gotten. Well, that's not entirely true: I did just finish a breakfast bagel while watching I'm From Rolling Stone. But, those are the perks of the fabulous life I lead! Walking to my mailbox!In my pajamas! Picking up checks from people I don't even know! And I can show you how! For just three easy installments of $69.95!

So, where were we? Oh, right. #4 - I once was pulled up on stage by LL. Cool J during a concert.


I've never even been to an LL concert, let alone been pulled up on stage by him. Although, this is true in my mind if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Now, for the sake of my ADD, let me just go ahead and give you the goods on a few more of the truths:

#5 My nose is currently broken.

Crazy, right? During a doctor's appointment for a sinus infection a few years ago, the doctor came back in with my x-rays and asked nonchalantly "So, how long has your nose been broken?". Wha...? We think it happened when I was a baby, but the official story is it happened while I was streetfighting. With Cameron Diaz.

#6 Dean Cain hit on me at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.

Read about it here.

#7 My aunt had Post Partum Depression and jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

Sad, but true. My grandfather's sister, Lara Partridge, was a beautiful statuesque blonde. She gave birth to twins - a boy and a girl - and jumped to her death off the Golden Gate Bridge while in the throes of PPD. My crying on the kitchen floor story pales in comparison, no?

#8 I bought my mom a $5,000 sapphire ring when her cat died.

Although upon further reflection (aka Chris is the freaking Truth Police, I swear), the ring was more around $4,000. And it wasn't just because of the cat. A long, long time ago in a land far, far away Chris and I briefly had money to burn. We had just convinced my mom to move to Southern California with us and she was lonely and depressed. Then her favorite cat disappeared, likely caught by coyotes. She drove around for weeks shaking kitty treats out the window and calling for him. She cried every single day. So, it was a sad time in her life and the cat was like the last straw. I took her to dinner and told her how much I loved her and what an amazing mother she has always been and it was sort of like a great big thank you for being my mom. But, the cat totally triggered it.

As did having two nickels to rub together. If her cat were to die now, she'd get a card. From 7-Eleven.

Well! That's enough fun for one day! I pinky swear that the next post will be so self-deprecatingly funny, I'm not going to be able to take myself seriously anymore. What a relief.

Next up:

#9 I once was a Christian missionary in Utah and was chased by a rifle-toting polygamist.

#10 I once got into a drunken political argument with Adam Duritz at The House of Blues in L.A. and then accused him of having an affair with Monica Potter.

#11 I once threw a party and no one came.

I'm already laughing. But, crying on the inside, you see.


Michelle Smiles said...

Good lord girl, you've led quite a life for a 30 year old!

Heather said...

I'm so fucking intrigued right now...Well I have been for a week, but...just

Butrfly4404 said...

Wow. I can't believe I WAS WRONG! You seemed like such a good girl!

Everyone has done things they aren't proud of. Hell, girl, a lot of people have done coke.

That's funny (ironic, not HaHa), because Sub. Turm's latest post at Mamazine was about keeping secrets for her girls a/b their friends. My response was that because my mom did the same for me, she was the first person I went to when I felt like MY coke problem was "out of control". I was 18.

It's life, sweetheart. The absolute worst part is going to be telling S. all about it!

Also: #7 - Thank God they have so much more research about that women have somewhere else to turn than the GGB. Really, seriously, HAPPY that you got through yours ok!

Jenny said...

Ahh, you made a mistake when you were young.... maybe it saved you from worse.

Serenity Now! said...

I'm proud of you for sharing! That must have been incredibly difficult!!

Nancy said...

I think it's brave of you to share the story of your overdose. I think a lot of us have skeletons in our closet that we're reluctant to share (mine are still rattling around and unable to see the light of day...)

The sapphire ring story does make a lot more sense given all the background. Did anyone guess correctly?

Mrs. Chicky said...

Okay, Blogger just ate my comment. I hate Blogger!!!

Anywhooo... Wow! That was incredibly gutsy of you to share, my friend. Thank you.

Jennifer said...

Wow, thanks for sharing. That takes guts.

Now I can't wait to hear details on the rest of your story.

Kris H. said...

Wow! Thank you for sharing that. You might well have helped someone out with that story...

With any luck, the trolls won't come out this time!

Misha said...

It's good to know that other mommys have some 'splainin' to do to their daughters when they get older.

My oldest daughter is already grilling me.

Daughter #1: Mom, have you ever been suspended from school?

Me: Uh... yes, but...(I had a knife in my purse and the vice principal found it AND ON ANOTHER SEPARATE OCCASION I had too many tardies and detentions?!)

Daughter #1: Mom, did you ever fail a class in high school?

Me: Uh... yes, but... (I didn't need the credit for that class anyway because I had already finished Calculus, so I decided to blow it off and go to the beach all semester?!)

D#1: Have you ever been in a fight in school?

Me: Uh... yes, but... (I was in one IN SECOND GRADE that had to be broken up by the police and another one in 8th grade?!)

I don't even want to get into the underage drinking and hash-smoking and promiscuity.


But do you know what's good about all this? My ex-husband was worse that I ever was and has far more explaining to do. heh

Kristin said...

Dear Lena-

You are my favorite.



mamatulip said...

Lena...this is what I love about you. You are the real deal, and you always have been.

I also have a past with cocaine. It's not something I talk about much, but yeah, it's there. At the risk of this sounding totally fucking cheeseball, hearing your story makes me want to be less ashamed and embarrassed of mine. Not because I'm proud of it, but because I've always tried to adopt the "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" mentality, and it didn't kill me, but it sure did make me stronger.

Delton said...

Thanks for sharing. I applaud your bravery. I'm glad you made it through all your trials, cause you're one of my favorite stops on my blogroll.

GoPackGo said...

Everyone has their skeletons to deal with and you confronted your's head on. Go girl! I'm afraid that if I open my mouth, a bone might fly out so I'll just leave it alone and say that I see no shame in your story. Everyone has had "that" one experience that they wish turned out differently.
I just KNEW you were up on that stage with LL!!!! (snapping fingers)

Kim said...

Two thumbs up.
And I am glad I don't have to be insanely jealous of you for getting pulled onstage by LL. ;)

Stacy said...

I second the person who said you are their favorite stop. You are mine too!

I love your honesty. And you are TOO FUNNY!

Anonymous said...

Hell, I've done stuff just as bad, if not worse. Trust me. And I'm only 27. If my mother knew half the things I've done, she'd probably be in the ICU herself. We all make mistakes, girl, and there's no reason to feel sick about it.... Shit happens and we learn and move on. At least you learned, right? Because you could have just kept doing coke and ended up in rehab 6000 times like a LOT of people do.

blog Portland said...

That's some major craziness, but I can relate to it. I too had a dark saga in my early 20's. You've got the right attitude about it though. Be proud for the now, and let the past only serve to strengthen you.

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