Truth or Lie Revealed! Part 1

First of all, my life was not nearly as glamorous as it sounds. (Broken noses and suicide are all the rage! Didn't you know?). I just spent a few years as a rebellious former Christian girl partying it up in San Francisco is all.

Second, let me address the assertion that some of these don't sound plausible. Anyone who reads either of my blogs knows that I'm very self-deprecating and the first to call myself out. So, I assure you all of these are true (except one). Further, my family and several of my friends read this blog, so believe me, they would be all over anything that wasn't accurate.

Such as. Chris is insisting that I tell you that Dean Cain didn't exactly hit on me as much as he checked me out, smiled, and then stared at me all night while his girlfriend sat next to him. But, he would have talked to me! If Chris and also Dean's anorexic girlfriend hadn't been so, you know, there. So, slight exaggeration on that one I admit. *am ashamed* But! I do have a funny story about that.

So, in Vegas Dean checks me out and I was with Chris (who was only my boyfriend at the time) and my best friend. Well, since it was so obvious, of course we all had to talk about it for the rest of the weekend and maybe one of us (me!) talked about it a bit longer than that. Like years.

As an aside, anyone who's known me for ten minutes knows that I've always been self-conscious about my prominent Italian nose. And I always will be - that's just the way it is. (I swear this applies.)

So, over the last seven years it's always been this little thing that made me smile - Dean Cain wanted my bod! Well, imagine my surprise when earlier this year I read this quote in, I think, Parade magazine.

Dean says, "I don't know why, but I've always been attracted to women with larger noses.".

Hahahaha! Wha...? Who says that? How tragic for me!

Anyway. Moving on.

Would you like to know which was the lie? Let's review...

Since this is a list made up of some pretty decent stories, and I know you have a life to get to, I'll just devote the next few posts to the details surrounding each truth.

I already talked about #6 - Dean Cain, which was true-ish.

So, now for #1. I was once approached at a bar in San Francisco by Cuba Gooding Jr.'s bodyguards during the shooting of As Good As It Gets and was told that my presence was requested by Cuba and his entourage.


In 1997 I was out with a bunch of my girlfriends at a popular bar in the city. I even remember what I was wearing because to this day I have not lived it down. A bright orange spandex half-top with a huge hole cutout in the center. Cleavage wasn't enough for me - I wanted the boys to see my pancreas.

So, we were at this bar where we always hung out and someone told us Cuba Gooding Jr. was there. I had just seen Jerry Maguire and I was a little hot for Cuba. The bar was very crowded and we were looking around for where his posse might be. The next thing I know two large men come up to me and ask if I'd like to meet Cuba Gooding Jr. "because he'd like to meet you".


He leads me (and all my girlfriends) over to a group of guys who have formed sort of a protective circle around someone. They part when we approach and therrrre's Cuba! He smiles at me, says hi, and then says "I like your shirt". Yeah, I bet you do.

My girlfriends are all falling all over each other (Literally. I think there was some girl-on-girl streetfighting later because of it.) to talk to him and his friends. His cousin, Kenneth, and I chatted for awhile. Then Cuba told me about the movie he was in town filming with Jack Nicholson. And then I may have insisted he say "Show me the money" because I am super original.

A short while later he asked me if I wanted to go back to their hotel for a big party. He was very polite and respectful and only stared at my orange cut-out whore top once or twice. (And SHORT. He was barely 5'7" I would say.)

Of course all my friends and all my friends' friends want to come too. So, when we get outside the bar, two black SUV's pull up, but there's not room for all of us. Cuba gets in one car and Kenneth holds the door open for me. My friends are all giving me the evil eye because they don't want me to leave them to follow us. (Haters.)

So, this is where the story gets realllly boring. My friends and I follow Cuba and his entourage all over the city trying to find I don't know what and then we realize it's almost 3:00 in the morning and one of us (not me for a change!) was starting to, uh, hurl out her window. So, I called Kenneth on the cell number he gave me. (Where was Ebay when I needed it?) I told him we had some sick friends and needed to get home. Cuba asked to talk to me and I told him it was nice meeting him and he said we could get together the next weekend.

I actually talked to Cuba's cousin for a few weeks. We made plans to go out, but I was in lust over some loser at work and stopped returning his calls.

The End. Not very exciting, but almost interesting. Just like me!

Next up: Amber Alert. Did I maybe save a kidnapped child? Or is that The Lie? Tune in Thursday for the dealio.


Moose said...

So much more interesting than my "I sat in front of Nicole Kidman at the movies once. She got free popcorn and talked through the whole thing" story. She didn't look down my shirt even ONCE.

Lena said...

Oooo. What movie?

Jennifer said...

You mean we have to wait?!?! I'm dying here! I living vicariously through you!

Seriously, your life is waaaaaay more exciting than mine. I thought of doing this same thing on my blog and realized I had no exciting stories to tell.

Butrfly4404 said...

Ooh, The Suspense!!!

That's awesome. Too bad there were no pictures! Cuba aside, that shirt sounds like it needs to be seen.

I still have (Not that I'll ever wear it again) a Calvin Klien top - I use that term lightly - that was basically a dish cloth to cover the front and a bunch of straps for a back. It sounds weird, but it was hot.

The Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Oh my gosh you are a tease. I've been dying to find out the story behind the story on all of these! I live vicariously through your blog. And here I was thinking I was cool by seeing a Queen Elizabeth look alike and Anna Nicole's boobs-a-like at Mardi Gras. sigh. I'll be sporting the big "L" finger on my forehead all day now that I realize how utterly unexciting my life has been. LOL! Can't wait to hear the rest.

chirky said...

WHAT? No makeout session with Cuba? You'll press boobs with me but you won't with Cuba?

I'm disappointed.

But I'll take that as a compliment.

Lena said...

Chirky - I SO would have pressed boobs with Cuba!

Except: I knew he was married. And? He didn't ask me to! Ha!

Allison said...

Oh, I am so unbelievably uncool. I love these truths and lies posts! Great idea, you're really sucking me in. I'm looking forward to hearing more!

Stacey said...

Officially on the edge of my seat. I want details woman!

MAMB said...

I think I used the word inplausible. I didn't mean to sound like I doubted you - I don't! I just meant that it was amazing that all of those things (except one) happened to one person!

Frema said...

He was married?! Scumbag.

Kristy said...

This is funny because there just was an article yesterday about Cuba flirting with the ladies! What a dick.

Beth A. said...

I am cracking UP about the shirt!

Where are pictures??

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