I know. I know. What they’re really saying is that we’re comrades and they appreciate my honesty and also that I’m very pretty. Or at least they’re thinking it – I can just tell.
So, in honor of my most favorite emailers, I present the following list. Now go forth and feel awesome.
I Confess – The Bad Mom Edition
- I sometimes erase Savannah’s shows on Tivo so that more of mine will fit.
- I have lied and said library story time was cancelled because I made us too late to get a seat.
- I only wash Savannah’s hair every two days. Or maybe three.
- I only remember to clip her nails when I notice in public that they’re grimy.
- I discriminately throw away her art work and hide it under other trash, so she won’t see it.
- I have lied and said we were out of broccoli because I didn’t want to steam it.
- I have sometimes waited so long to go in and give her a “goodnight joke” (I can’t sing) that she falls asleep.
- I have skipped copious pages in books. (“So, then Cinderella’s carriage turned into a pumpkin…Aaand then she married Prince Charming. The end!”)
- I have pretended not to hear her sass me under her breath because I just don’t want to deal with it.
- I have let her watch TV all morning so that I can write.
- I have left her with Chris without saying goodbye because I want to run errands alone.
- I have let her explain the birds and the bees to herself. (“So, the doctor put the baby in you. And then daddy took it out.” “Umm, yeah. Pretty much.”)
Yet despite all that, she still tells me every day that I’m “the best mom ever”. She’s an easy crowd.
What’s your confession? Come on. Let it out, comrade.