She's Posty!

I have no idea why I'm sick. I am super healthy. See?

Health Nut
(click to enbiggen)

What I'm not telling you is that all of that was consumed in one day. In the Starbucks bag? Maybe coffee cake. And that tall container on the right? Totally vodka. And that iced coffee? Whole milk. Which: ewww. And also: Mmmm. All delivered by my loveslave. Who every time he leaves the room asks "What can I get you?".

I spent the entire weekend feeble and cranky while using the cat as a pillow. What I presumed were allergies for the past two weeks were actually a slow buildup to the Worst Head Cold Ever. I stayed propped up all night watching Jon Stewart reruns rather than lay down and be faced with 800 pound sinuses. Chris was so pleased. Especially since I also ate crunchy chips and kept the lights on.

My head cold wouldn't be news (and honestly it still isn't) except for that we are supposed to be listing our house TOMORROW. Which meant Chris spent his days off gutting the entire backyard by himself and making numerous runs to the store for me. For sustenance.

[Here's a riddle: If a thumb is hammered on the side of a house in the suburbs and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound to your selfish whore of a wife inside who continues typing? The answer is no m'kay?]

So I was useless this weekend, which is just a notch below how I am generally. I did manage to get up Sunday afternoon and at least clean the office. See? Pretty Ikea boxes. FILLED with ugly pointless crap.

Ikea Rocks The Cardboard

And a clean desk. Because virtually everything is now in the garbage due to my extreme illness and also boredom with cleaning. (I sure hope that red envelope from the gas company wasn't pressing.)

You're so jealous of my Kate Spade desk calendar you can hardly see straight.

Sadly, despite Chris' best efforts and my half-assed help the house is still not ready to be shown.

I have already rescheduled with the realt*r twice and for some reason I have a problem disappointing people and I would almost rather list a house that has piles of laundry and frostbitten bushes in the front yard (only the bushes are in the front yard, not the piles of laundry; although that's a thought) than go back on my word yet again.

So, the realt*r's response when I called to delay the listing was all the more humorous. "Yes, I think that's the best idea. I drove by your house earlier." HAHAHA. Did I mention she lives on our street? And is sassy? I like her. We shall be friends.

In other news, we are going to Mexico NEXT WEEK! I am so excited that there are not enough exclamation points to convey it. Mexico!!! For a week!!! Without A Child!!! But, with many alcoholic drinks the size of a child!

This also means that we'll have another rousing round of Catalog Shopping: Look How Fool Ass I Am In These Clothes as we get closer. Mark your calendars. Even if they aren't Kate Spade. I won't hold it against you.


Butrfly4404 said...

Well, there is the ULTRA HEALING lotion...gotta count for something, right?

I went to log in my points over at Sparkpeople today and realized I ate nothing but snacks (ice cream, chocolate covered expresso beans, chips, meatball subs...YAH!) all weekend. Feeling like an utter fat ass now. Maybe I'd rather be feelin' the cold...

Sarah said...

At least you're getting your fluids. ;)

blog Portland said...

I actually have a friend who says that gargling vodka will clear your sinuses. I can only assume that's what you were up to.

Heather B. said...

Kate Spade, mmmmmm.

I bet you got that planner in a Sample Sale. Didn't ya?

Frema said...

Mexico sounds like fun. Luke and I are planning a vacation for Florida this summer and are super excited about it.

Also, I LOVE YOUR DESK. Where did you find that desk?

mamatulip said...

I love the pretty IKEA boxes. Think they'd help sell my house?

Mexico? Without children? Excuse me, I'm so green with envy I can't see the computer screen anymore.

Marcia said...

Can't you put your piles of laundry in the pretty Ikea boxes?

Mrs. Chicky said...

What Marsha said and also the frostbitten bushes. Put lovely Ikea boxes around them. It will look like your house came gift wrapped.

Your Kate Spade desk calendar is great and all, but Mexico? With no child? Seething jealousy.

Emily said...

i'm so looking forward to the catalog shopping.

and we moved a few times when i was growing up; i know what a pain it is to get the house ready to show, and to KEEP it that way. bleh.

chirky said...

Your closet looks delicious, even if it's just holding pointless crap.

And Mexico? My thighs are jealous that yours will see sunlight.

Lisa said...

SO sorry to hear of the nasty cold. But so excited for the vacay. You both need it. And a wonderful real estate agent? Worth their weight in GOLD baby. Gold!

Kristin said...

Ok, can we talk about your last post? And that brown dress? And that blue one? Which I happen to have? And look pregnant in?

Fuck you Victoria's Secret... you evil whores.

Tara said...

I have those IKEA boxes too! Don't you love them?

Looking forward to Mexico pics!

Bobealia... said...

Don't do it, it's a mistake (Vickie's I mean). I can't remember what I commented last night because feking blogger hates me, but it was way better than this.

Meg said...

LOL Love the nightstand.

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