Especially when it involves incredible writers like Y and Schnozz. Who I'm pretty sure have neither the interest nor patience to kidnap me. Because then they really wouldn't be able to shut me up if I was in their basement all day.
My plans were to meet Y for coffee Friday morning. This plan quickly unraveled upon getting on the highway for a variety of reasons. See if you can find the major flaw.
#1 - I got caught in traffic.
Southern California traffic is a biotch. You do not measure distance in time here (eg. - "It's only twenty minutes away"). You measure it in miles (eg. - "It's thirty miles away") and then add the time of day (eg. - "It's thirty miles and it's ten o'clock, so that means it will take me an HOUR AND A HALF"). Since I'm a little slow on the uptake I stubbornly continue to believe that a location thirty miles away should only take thirty minutes. It does not.
I was in traffic, very late, with no contact numbers, sweating, and running out of gas. It was awesome.
#2 - I only had her cell phone number ...and it wasn't working.
Once I realized that I was going to be seriously late, I tried to call Y to warn her. You should have seen my way overreaction when the the number she gave me didn't work. You would think that my getaway accomplice wasn't responding to my screams to "start the car!" as I raced out of the bank.
#3 - She only had my home phone number ...and if you're following closely you'll notice I was not at home.
#4 - I couldn't remember Y's last name.
This proved to be a fatal error when I tried to call information. "Her name is Yvonne? Um, she has a blog called Joy Unexpected? How can you not know her?! Everybody knows her!"
#5 - I had to go old school and call Starbucks.
There's nothing funnier than hearing Y on the other end respond to the barista calling out "Is there an Yvonne here?" "......yes?". Like who does that anymore?
When I finally arrived Y was gracious enough to hold me while I cried. Then we sucked down some caffeine (aka personality) and had lunch.
I met Y at Blogher, but this was way cooler. Mostly because I wasn't drunk on box wine, but also because it was nice to just hang out without interruption.
We laughed our asses off and bonded over our love of pizza and also she let me pet her. Sweet.
On the heels of that successful fondling I headed to San Diego later that night with my friend Vi to meet up with Schnozz and Sam. Never have I met two more wry, sarcastic, and damn funny people. HEART THEM.
Being just a little insecure pretty much guarantees I'll drink too much when I meet people I admire.
Highlights Of the Night:
Schnozz: "Okay, I'll have one more drink." (She had all of two total.)
Schnozz: "Better bring me a lampshade too."
Schnozz: "To wear on my head."
Schnozz: "Because I'll be drunk."
Waitress: "....I'm new here."
Schnozz: "Me too."
Me: "I'm sorry. I don't have any cash on me."
Bathroom Attendant: "That's okay."
Me: "Don't worry. I'll be back. I pee alot."
Hear that noise? That's Schnozz still laughing at what a dumbass I am.
Overall we had a blast. At least I think we did. I remember a lot of laughing and joking and talking.
But my vodka addled brain can't be trusted to decipher whether that was solely me.