Prepare To Be Jealous

Meeting fellow bloggers is not something I do well. I lead a pretty sheltered life and so whenever I hear the words "meet" "stranger" and "internet" my mind immediately adds the words "axe murderer" and "woodshed". But, occasionally I am able to overcome my fears.

Especially when it involves incredible writers like Y and Schnozz. Who I'm pretty sure have neither the interest nor patience to kidnap me. Because then they really wouldn't be able to shut me up if I was in their basement all day.

My plans were to meet Y for coffee Friday morning. This plan quickly unraveled upon getting on the highway for a variety of reasons. See if you can find the major flaw.

#1 - I got caught in traffic.

Southern California traffic is a biotch. You do not measure distance in time here (eg. - "It's only twenty minutes away"). You measure it in miles (eg. - "It's thirty miles away") and then add the time of day (eg. - "It's thirty miles and it's ten o'clock, so that means it will take me an HOUR AND A HALF"). Since I'm a little slow on the uptake I stubbornly continue to believe that a location thirty miles away should only take thirty minutes. It does not.

I was in traffic, very late, with no contact numbers, sweating, and running out of gas. It was awesome.

#2 - I only had her cell phone number ...and it wasn't working.

Once I realized that I was going to be seriously late, I tried to call Y to warn her. You should have seen my way overreaction when the the number she gave me didn't work. You would think that my getaway accomplice wasn't responding to my screams to "start the car!" as I raced out of the bank.

#3 - She only had my home phone number ...and if you're following closely you'll notice I was not at home.

Even awesomer.

#4 - I couldn't remember Y's last name.

This proved to be a fatal error when I tried to call information. "Her name is Yvonne? Um, she has a blog called Joy Unexpected? How can you not know her?! Everybody knows her!"

#5 - I had to go old school and call Starbucks.

There's nothing funnier than hearing Y on the other end respond to the barista calling out "Is there an Yvonne here?" "......yes?". Like who does that anymore?

When I finally arrived Y was gracious enough to hold me while I cried. Then we sucked down some caffeine (aka personality) and had lunch.

I met Y at Blogher, but this was way cooler. Mostly because I wasn't drunk on box wine, but also because it was nice to just hang out without interruption.

We laughed our asses off and bonded over our love of pizza and also she let me pet her. Sweet.

Me & Y: The Glasses Do Not Convey

If I wasn't so lazy I would stalk her.

On the heels of that successful fondling I headed to San Diego later that night with my friend Vi to meet up with Schnozz and Sam. Never have I met two more wry, sarcastic, and damn funny people. HEART THEM.

Being just a little insecure pretty much guarantees I'll drink too much when I meet people I admire.

To wit:


Highlights Of the Night:

Schnozz: "Okay, I'll have one more drink." (She had all of two total.)

Waitress: "Okay."

Schnozz: "Better bring me a lampshade too."

Waitress: "....."

Schnozz: "To wear on my head."

Waitress: "....."

Schnozz: "Because I'll be drunk."

Waitress: "....I'm new here."

Schnozz: "Me too."

(See? Heart!)


Me: "I'm sorry. I don't have any cash on me."

Bathroom Attendant: "That's okay."

Me: "Don't worry. I'll be back. I pee alot."

Hear that noise? That's Schnozz still laughing at what a dumbass I am.

Me & Schnozz: Thumb War

When you point at each other that means you're having a good time.

Overall we had a blast. At least I think we did. I remember a lot of laughing and joking and talking.

Me & Schnozz

But my vodka addled brain can't be trusted to decipher whether that was solely me.


Baba Ganoush said...

Blogher sounds like fun. I'll have to find out if there's a Dad's version.

Or maybe I can start one. Probably be me and two stay at home dads.

I too drink when I am a little anxious. I'll make sure us 3 Dads have some rum at our meeting.

Karen said...

I AM jealous! I am definitely going to Blogher next year. But only if you and Y and Schnozz are there!

Frema said...

I'm going, too, and I'm so excited I could pee myself.

Also, I'm meeting my first blogger (who I didn't already know in real life) this Saturday. Dawnie seems very cool, so I'm sure it'll be fab, but I'm still nervous. What if I pass gas before we've gotten appropriately intoxicated?

Virenda said...

It was an awesome night, and I can vouch for the funny that went on.

Sam and Schnozz were great, and I'm glad to have spent an evening with them. :0)

Anonymous said...

Damn, I am jealous. I want to hang out with cool people too...and Starbucks...whoo...

Stephanie said...

How can your weekend be so cool? You are a MOM!

Lena said...

I'm still deciding about Blogher. I'm thinking of going as an excuse to shop in Chicago...

Butrfly4404 said...

You girls look so cute!

I had the opportunity to go out and drink with my "crazy" friends Friday night. I decided I needed Internet and Sleep more...and my car broke down the next day. Who knew I woulda had a better time being old? Cuz waiting for a ride (And OMG, you'd have to see my blog to see WHAT ride)...on the side of highway...late at night...when it's cold... I'd rather meet a stranger off the internet.

Mieke said...

Sounds like fun!! You were in San Diego? And you didn't call me? huh? Because I am sure it is at the top of your list to meet a stalker like girl you don't know who reads your blog. whatever. (I really am not a stalker). Just love to read your blog.
Anyways, sounds like you had fun!

Baba Ganoush said...

No conferences for male bloggers.....humph!

islaygirl said...

i drink like a fish when in anxious social settings, and compound it with the utter inability to consume food. so the alcohol just rushes around, relieving my inhibitions. at a WORK dinner recently i was seated next to one of the vps and said stuff i don't even remember after ONE glass of wine. truly a lightweight, i am.

(and whoo-hoo, shout out for box wine, lol)

Y said...

I'm so sad that you forgot to tell everyone that you drove in My Van.

So, um, when are we meeting again? Because I love you.

Kristin said...

Not to invite myself or anything, but next time, I am coming.

Bobealia... said...

lampshades = goodtime

Lisa said...

Looks like it was a blast. PLEASE tell you you'll be going to Blogher in Chicago!

Schnozz said...

Ahhhhahahahahaha! THE LAMPSHADE! Perhaps we should show the waitress this diagram so she finally gets my joke. Poor girl.

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