Just Speed Read To "Punk Ass Hoo Ha"

WTH? Seriously.

I'm not one for introductions. So, let's get this party started.

2006, You Cheeky Monkey


This completed my first full month of blogging. I was mildly obsessed with my sitemeter and returned every single email and was all polite like. I also bought a new laptop which died on me hours later and I actually named a post "Dude, You're Getting Ripped Off By A Dell". Then I got a sinus infection (Oh my, Lena. How absolutely gripping). And wrote about it.


I was nominated for a Perfect Post Award for this post, which some lovely people enjoyed and graciously linked me. I suddenly had all kinds of new readers. I discussed my blog envy, had a domestic crisis, and talked breasts with my mom.

Then I was nominated over at One Woman's World for a bloggy award, which sucked in some more unsuspecting readers. Joy! Clapping!

I also resented little hookers and posted the FUNNIEST PICTURE EVER.

In the end I outed myself for the old lady that I really am.


I divulged The World's Worst Job Ever, popped my 50 comments cherry on Requirements To Be My Friend, and posted photographical evidence of us being active.

This was also the month I took a "break" from school and started having existential issues that culminated in my crying in Savannah's teacher's arms.

I wrote my first letter to Savannah.

This was also the month of My Most Favorite Post Evah About My Ass. And hey, Quotes From My Exes! What could be better than that?


I wrote The Award-Winning Cat Post, which made me famous among about twelve people for about three hours.

I saw Dane Cook in Vegas. Love. Him.

I divulged that I have a broken nose and I don't camp on my period.

ALSO. Andrew Shue emailed me. And I was offered the job at Club Mom. I danced around in my underwear and Chris took me to dinner to celebrate.

I told my very own Almost Bone Collector Experience. And an awkward lesson in Insensitive Unintentional Dumbass Racism 101.


I Weighted and Watched.

I got all worked up over THE Study and wrote My Favorite Post (print this out and show it to your husbands like yesterday. Then let the ass-kissing commence).

We said goodnight to an incredible blogger. (If you haven't read her archives yet, you must get over there now.)

I officially started writing for Club Mom. Hello paying gig! Helllooo writer's block!

Savannah had some strange vague and freaked-me-the-hell-out ailment.

Our financial house caved in.

And I got My Very First Troll on this post.


I start writing for Real Savvy Moms website.

Told the world all about my Punk Ass Hoo-Ha.

Bitched and moaned about the babeeeeeeeee no one will giiiive meee.

Threatened to kick my own ass.

Won a Perfect Post Award for this post.

Barely lived through The World's Most Awkward Playdate.

The Grocery Smackdown: Mommy goes toe-to-toe with the grocery clerk.

I confess I'm Playmate of the Year.

Confessions of a Mother Who PUSHED DOWN HER BABY.

I find out I'm -- DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN -- allergic to sun. Yeah, the one in the sky. And get felt up by my doctor.

I'm nominated a Finalist in this contest. Yay for me and my ability to almost be a winner!

I find out My Entire Family has been READING MY BLOG. Hold me.


I rush to my aunt's deathbed. My heart hurts. My writing hurts. It's all just bad.

I almost kill my realt*r.

Top Toddler Mom Blog interviews me.

I SCAR MY CHILD for life.

Who knew tummies could piss off people?

A parenting magazine offers me a column. A. COLUMN.

I Once Dated An Axe Murderer.

I send out an SOS at BlogHer.


I turn 29 and freak the hell out. Because 29 comes before 30. Did you know this??

I let go of a ten year friendship.

The "column" at unnamed parenting magazine quickly turns into a scary almost-rape (I'll need to write about this in detail sometime soon).

"I'd Put My Head In the Oven, But I Can't Afford the Gas"

Who knew I'd get so much hate mail over Jon Benet Ramsey?

I confess a dirty secret.


SIX Years in pictures.

Little me is nominated as a Finalist for BTR's "Women In the Blogosphere" award. I proceed to then forget all about it and give SURPRISE DRUNK INTERVIEW. Another surprise: I didn't win!


I tell the story of Cheeky Lotus and the three bears: Post, Partum, and Depression.

The Starbucks Throwdown.

We lose our new house.

I say goodbye to my Auntie.

I show the Internet my credit card bills.


I get the Internet all riled up over my trainer.

I succumb to the urge. Luckily, it passes before I spray my delicate parts with Lysol.


I do something UNBELIEVABLE.

If a Muppet can sing it, I can say it.

Embarrassment: The No Limits Edition.

Savannah turns five. Mommy spends eleventy quintillion hours making a movie set to music.

I get all up in Dove's face.


I'm nominated for a Perfect Post Award for this painful post.

I hire a friend. Wha...?

I think my daughter has been sold to gypsies.

I question Parenting Under the Influence.

I Left My Good Attitude In San Francisco.


My article is published at HMC. And it has "bra" in the title because I'm classy like that.

I turn ONE.

Bi-Sex?? I'm still reeling.


Lastly, I start my old blog back up and it feels awesome.

Here's to 2007 my friends!


Heather B. said...

oooh purrrty. ;-)

Happy New Year, Lena!

Lena said...

Thanks Heather! I'm going to be sure to comment on every comment. Ha!

Chris said...

That was an everlasting gobstopper of a post!

Anonymous said...

Well, good for you woman.

I am happy you are here and there.

I'll be visiting often...

Mrs. Chicky said...

*surveying the new digs*

Nice place ya got here. When's the first kegger? Because you can do that now, since you're the queen of your castle. And? You can stay up past 11pm without anyone telling you it's past your bedtime.

Congrats on getting back to your own space!

mamatulip said...

Oh, YAY!

Marcia said...

This makes me HAPPY!!!


Dorkily? I was even happier because I remembered all of your 2006 moments.

Then I told myself to get a life.

Then I told myself that dammit, I should shush. Because I like this life just fine. Yes, it's 11, and I'm not dressed yet. And this totally rocks.

Kristin said...


Cool. I can stalk you better with more information.

Don't you need to be in Laguna sometime soonish?

Virenda said...

Even though recording everyday (or mostly) has been a struggle (time consuming), it must be nice to end a year, and have something to show for it, and by show for it I mean you can print it out, and turn it into a coffee table book.

Savannah can do the illustrations. Fun.

Kristen said...

How cool. I could NEVER have the discipline to document my blog history. I'd start with: month one- I started my blog. And that would be it. I'd hear something interesting in the next room and forget what I was doing.

jenn said...

Yippee! And OH MY GOD at that Lysol ad...

Anonymous said...

I\'ve been reading you for the last year! Double dose! Yippee!

Lorie said...

OMG. June was sooo funny! I\'ll be back! Congrats Lena!

Bobealia... said...

Happy New Year! All the best in 2007. Tell Virenda I miss her and hugs to her too.

Kris said...

Welcome back, my dear. I shall update the links and raise a glass to your independence, sweet girl!

Jess Riley said...

Hey, welcome back! That's one helluva year recap, woman. But thank you for leading me to some good posts I missed!

Jenny said...

Good call, Lena. There are some things too precious to sell.

 photo copyright.jpg
envye template.