I'm not one for introductions. So, let's get this party started.
2006, You Cheeky Monkey
This completed my first full month of blogging. I was mildly obsessed with my sitemeter and returned every single email and was all polite like. I also bought a new laptop which died on me hours later and I actually named a post "Dude, You're Getting Ripped Off By A Dell". Then I got a sinus infection (Oh my, Lena. How absolutely gripping). And wrote about it.
I was nominated for a Perfect Post Award for this post, which some lovely people enjoyed and graciously linked me. I suddenly had all kinds of new readers. I discussed my blog envy, had a domestic crisis, and talked breasts with my mom.
Then I was nominated over at One Woman's World for a bloggy award, which sucked in some more unsuspecting readers. Joy! Clapping!
I also resented little hookers and posted the FUNNIEST PICTURE EVER.
In the end I outed myself for the old lady that I really am.
I divulged The World's Worst Job Ever, popped my 50 comments cherry on Requirements To Be My Friend, and posted photographical evidence of us being active.
This was also the month I took a "break" from school and started having existential issues that culminated in my crying in Savannah's teacher's arms.
I wrote my first letter to Savannah.
This was also the month of My Most Favorite Post Evah About My Ass. And hey, Quotes From My Exes! What could be better than that?
I wrote The Award-Winning Cat Post, which made me famous among about twelve people for about three hours.
I saw Dane Cook in Vegas. Love. Him.
I divulged that I have a broken nose and I don't camp on my period.
ALSO. Andrew Shue emailed me. And I was offered the job at Club Mom. I danced around in my underwear and Chris took me to dinner to celebrate.
I told my very own Almost Bone Collector Experience. And an awkward lesson in Insensitive Unintentional Dumbass Racism 101.
I Weighted and Watched.
I got all worked up over THE Study and wrote My Favorite Post (print this out and show it to your husbands like yesterday. Then let the ass-kissing commence).
We said goodnight to an incredible blogger. (If you haven't read her archives yet, you must get over there now.)
I officially started writing for Club Mom. Hello paying gig! Helllooo writer's block!
Savannah had some strange vague and freaked-me-the-hell-out ailment.
Our financial house caved in.
And I got My Very First Troll on this post.
I start writing for Real Savvy Moms website.
Told the world all about my Punk Ass Hoo-Ha.
Bitched and moaned about the babeeeeeeeee no one will giiiive meee.
Threatened to kick my own ass.
Won a Perfect Post Award for this post.
Barely lived through The World's Most Awkward Playdate.
The Grocery Smackdown: Mommy goes toe-to-toe with the grocery clerk.
I confess I'm Playmate of the Year.
Confessions of a Mother Who PUSHED DOWN HER BABY.
I find out I'm -- DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN -- allergic to sun. Yeah, the one in the sky. And get felt up by my doctor.
I'm nominated a Finalist in this contest. Yay for me and my ability to almost be a winner!
I find out My Entire Family has been READING MY BLOG. Hold me.
I rush to my aunt's deathbed. My heart hurts. My writing hurts. It's all just bad.
I almost kill my realt*r.
Top Toddler Mom Blog interviews me.
I SCAR MY CHILD for life.
Who knew tummies could piss off people?
A parenting magazine offers me a column. A. COLUMN.
I Once Dated An Axe Murderer.
I send out an SOS at BlogHer.
I turn 29 and freak the hell out. Because 29 comes before 30. Did you know this??
I let go of a ten year friendship.
The "column" at unnamed parenting magazine quickly turns into a scary almost-rape (I'll need to write about this in detail sometime soon).
"I'd Put My Head In the Oven, But I Can't Afford the Gas"
Who knew I'd get so much hate mail over Jon Benet Ramsey?
I confess a dirty secret.
I admit I CARRIED A SLIPPER AROUND AS A CHILD.
SIX Years in pictures.
Little me is nominated as a Finalist for BTR's "Women In the Blogosphere" award. I proceed to then forget all about it and give SURPRISE DRUNK INTERVIEW. Another surprise: I didn't win!
I tell the story of Cheeky Lotus and the three bears: Post, Partum, and Depression.
The Starbucks Throwdown.
We lose our new house.
I say goodbye to my Auntie.
I show the Internet my credit card bills.
I feel like I'm doing SOMETHING RIGHT WITH THIS CHILD.
I get the Internet all riled up over my trainer.
I succumb to the urge. Luckily, it passes before I spray my delicate parts with Lysol.
I do something UNBELIEVABLE.
If a Muppet can sing it, I can say it.
Embarrassment: The No Limits Edition.
Savannah turns five. Mommy spends eleventy quintillion hours making a movie set to music.
I get all up in Dove's face.
I'm nominated for a Perfect Post Award for this painful post.
I hire a friend. Wha...?
I think my daughter has been sold to gypsies.
I question Parenting Under the Influence.
I Left My Good Attitude In San Francisco.
My article is published at HMC. And it has "bra" in the title because I'm classy like that.
I turn ONE.
Bi-Sex?? I'm still reeling.
I admit my SERIOUS ADDICTION.
Lastly, I start my old blog back up and it feels awesome.
Here's to 2007 my friends!