Because I Probably Shouldn't Name This Post "Spanker"

Chris let me weigh his head tonight.

He was reading in bed without a pillow and his head was sort of lolling to the side so I put my arm out to support it. You know, in an act of love. We were both surprised - he because he wasn't expecting an arm-pillow and me because "holy hell why is your head so damn heavy?".

This of course sparked a debate as to why his head was so heavy and whether or not it was due to his brain holding many large facts. Such as every single president's name and who fought whom in which war and why Justin Timberlake is totally better off without that skank Cameron.

So, I insisted he get up and come with me to the bathroom where I made him lay on the floor with his head on a scale. TEN POUNDS! As we all know the human head weighs eight pounds and dogs and bees can smell fear. So obviously: freak among us.

Until he made me weigh mine. Seven pounds. Sev. En. A pound less than average. I guess that's why I blog.

This is also exactly the news I need to learn right now too because I was only mildy freaking out about an article that was due to a parenting website last week that I have not even begun to...uh, begin. And what would be even better is if the editor of said website is reading this right now. She'll be so pleased to find out that my article is late because I'm too busy weighing my husband's head. And I have no clue what I'm going to write about. None. I'm taking suggestions. Also, donations.

Oh, also? If you're a spanker or if you're an anti-spanker do go over to this post and hit me up with your opinion. (Har.) Don't use too many big words though. My pea brain can only retain so much.


Orhan Kahn said...


Good effort weighing the head.

Schnozz said...

Well, you know, you're just small in general. I don't know how you keep your weight down ... probably all that peeing you're doing.

OK, no one will get that joke but me.

Bobealia... said...

Write about your speeding problem due to the ninnys at the library who lock you out if you are late.

Butrfly4404 said...

Wait until tomorrow and you can write about the different views on spanking.

You must be a hell of housekeeper! I'd NEVER put my head that close to my bathroom floor!

Marcia said...

Matt just left for a work trip. Which means I have no one to help me weigh my head until FRIDAY NIGHT.

I don't know how I can go on not knowing.

Her Bad Mother said...

'Weighing my husband's head.' Am I only the only one who thinks that sounds dirty - especially in a post that mentions spanking?

Mieke said...

Now I totally have to go and buy a scale, just so we can both weigh our heads. Is there some great article that discusses what the pounds=smartness? Maybe the 10 pounder is just some extra "fluff". I'm not sure I had ever thought about this before. ever. hilarious!

Lena said...

HBM - thanks for noticing.

*grins devilishly*

Smom said...

First off, Chris has some serious hair. Maybe that counts for one pound??? I'm just trying to help.
Do I spank? Well....I have two boys. Need I say more?

chirky said...

This makes me wish I had a bathroom scale (I object them, as having one would make me acutely aware of how much my ENTIRE BODY weighs, and that's just an issue I'd rather avoid). I have a sudden need to know how I compare.

Kristi said...

You just need some aquanet and a teasing comb and you'll be all set.

Tee hee...set.

blog Portland said...

I honestly thought I was the only one who had ever attempted this. The worst part? I'm a 13-pounder. Thanks for confirming the complete and absolute depth of my freakiness.

Finding My New Normal said...

I tried to post a comment to your other blog entry but it wouldn't post. Here is what I said:

I wasn't spanked, I was slapped, hit, and walloped out of anger, hurt, frustration, and sometimes fear. I hated it and I agree that it made me angry but I didn't hit anyone else (other than the dog).

I personally have never been witness to spanking in anything other than release of frustration on the parents' part. I HAVE however seen many parents not disciplining at all because they don't know how and don't believe in spanking.

I think along with birthing classes, hospitals should give disciplining classes to all new parents. It is not going to harm your child to say no or to create discipline that fits the consequences of the offense.

Lisa said...

Like "Finding my new normal" I was slapped, kicked and hit with things out of anger, frustration... My parents used to use belts and thick sticks when it came spanking me. I can't even tell you how many times I was hit just because I was trying to tell one of my parents something but didn't recognize that they were in a BAD mood.

BUt I know I don't want to be that way with my son. BUt since I've spent my life being subjected to my parents short fuses, and they've called it "discipline" I've found I don't really have what I consider to be the proper tools when it comes to discipline... I feel sort of lost...

(These are things I'd LOVE to talk about on my site but can't because I grew up in a small town, clustered by other small towns where everyone knows each other, each other's business and is related to each other. And although my parents don't even have an internet connection or computer, it would get back to them. And it would hurt them.)

Drifter said...

I don't really know if spanking is appropriate but I sat with a client in jail yesterday and maybe if her mother cared enough to discipline her she wouldn't be HIV positive, drug addicted, hopeless... I spanked my girl once when she was just six months old and just a crawler. I don't think I was angry at all. I never spanked her again. I don't regret I spanked her on that day some 22 years ago.

Y said...


At least you weren't weighing your boobs.


melanie said...

Write about how much Chris's head weighs.

You crack me up.

Schnozz said...

My dad only had to spank me once my entire life. I will never forget it. One swat, perfectly (and instantly) delivered. It worked wonders, and I'm glad he did it. Then again, I was probably an unusual kid, because he only had to do it once and I pretty much just picked up my toys after that whenever he told me to. That's one hell of a learning curve!

If you are wondering at the infraction, I said no when he asked me to pick up my dollhouse. I said NO! and before my mouth was finished forming the syllable, my ass was burning. And I was all, "Okay. Pick up the dollhouse, then. Got it!"

In my case, I think that swat was the only response I would have respected. It worked for me. I won't say that one swat saved me from a life of crack whoredom, but let me tell you, it significantly reduced the risk that someone would trip on my dollhouse and break their neck.

Softball Slut said...

Good thing your hubby has a huge head to counterbalance your small head so that your daughter will get a normal to big head so that her brain is bigger. There that made sense didnt it?

Kerry said...

Sorry you asked to get our spanking opinions. I naturally thuoght it meant umm..personal time choices or aka alone time with yourself the big M. On that subject keeping yourself happy is a good thing.

On the abusing of your children through clobbering them on the butt? Hmm personal opinion is that it is sometimes necessary to demonstrate to your child the seriousness of their actions. But just spanking for every infraction, I am against.

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