Why is it that children only get sick on weekends and holidays? And why is it that primary doctors cannot take note of this and maybe NOT take two entire weeks off, funnelling all of their patients to the Unnamed Impersonal Physician Group who may or may not answer the phone depending upon their 3 1/2 hour lunch break and have ambiguous addresses like "2 Medical Center"?
We spent the holiday weekend at my mom's with my parents and my cousin, Thomas (aka "the most fashionably dressed person ever who has The Office U.K. continuously being fed to him through a hole in his brain connected to his iPod and who makes me laugh until I pee").
As we were leaving to see a movie I noticed Savannah looked flushed and took her temperature: 100 degrees.
OF COURSE. Why wouldn't she get a fever when it's Christmas Eve and we're 200 miles from home? So, that threw our weekend a bit since I walked around the whole time wielding a thermometer and asking my mom a THOUSAND TIMES if she thought I should be worried. And no answer was ever the right answer.
"Mom, do you think it's bad that her fever keeps bouncing around?"
"No, that's normal. It's a virus."
"Does she seem congested to you?"
"No, honey. She's fine."
"Well, mom. She's NOT FINE. She HAS A FEVER."
"She's just fighting off a virus."
"Are you sure she doesn't seem a little congested mom?"
"But, MOM. If she's not congested then SHE HAS NO OTHER SYMPTOMS and Google says a fever without other symptoms DOES NOT MEAN GOOD THINGS. SO, ONE MORE TIME MOM: DOES SHE SEEM CONGESTED??"
"Yes. Oh, yes. You can hear it in her voice. Definitely a little congested."
Savannah was in good spirits though, so she still had a great time. We took her to see Night at the Museum, which she loved. The movie was funny in, as my cousin would say, a "look! the silly dinosaur is wearing a hat! ha!" kind of way rather than a genuinely funny way.
But. What was HILARIOUS was the guy who was sitting in the middle of our aisle. Who got up in the middle of the movie and on his way past us plowed right through our popcorn, candy, and soda cups on the floor. Without ever slowing down, looking down, or acknowledging in any way that he had just trampled through our snacks. We were giggling at his cluelessness and uprighting what we could on the floor when he came back. I quickly moved my legs to the side as he stormed through once again completely taking all the food with him, catching my popcorn bucket on his foot and carrying it a few feet.
Then he sat down and continued watching the movie without a glance in our direction. Who DOES that?
It may not seem funny to you dear reader, but my cousin and I peed ourselves. PEED OUR SELVES.
The rest of the weekend involved alot of drinking, laughing, and melting cheese on things.
Also, dog hair. Lots and lots of dog hair. Which my cousin spent 23 hours a day meticulously picking off of his pants.
And doing totally stupid crap like saying "Let's jump for no reason whatsoever when your mom takes our picture".
It was glorious.
Now that we're back home I'm having trouble getting back into the swing of things. I'm grateful Savannah is feeling better, but my friends are out of town all week and I realize what an anemic social life I have. For instance, Chris asked if we were going to both the store AND the library today and I responded "No. If we go to the library today, we'll have nothing to do tomorrow".
I'm slowly being pickled.
Oh, right. I DO still have the yearly photo letter to work on. I'm touched so many of you requested one, by the way. Also, surprised so many of you would willingly give up your home address. How do you know that's really a picture of me up there? Maybe I actually look like Grizzly Adams and have my own woodshed. *insert maniacal laughter*
Anyway. Those will be in the mail this weekend. I've never written a Yearly Letter before - and when I tried I couldn't help but feel pretentious at best and horribly depressed at worst - so I'm just sending a family photo. Let's be honest, everyone just wants the cheesecake anyway. No one cares about Tommy's Little League or Skip's big promotion. (Although now that I think about it, if Chris did get a big promotion I'd be shoving that down y'alls throat for sure.)
Hope you all had a wonderful time with your family and peed your pants as much as we did.