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12.14.2006

Let's Just Say I'm Sick and Leave It at That

I once read a blog where the author asked her readers how often they have sex. All the women came out of the woodwork (what does that phrase mean anyway? I imagine people bursting out of walls and doorframes). Anyway, I swear she had over 100 comments of women pouring their hearts out divulging the intimate and sometimes embarrassing aspects of their sex lives. Almost everyone claimed the same average frequency: once or twice a week. Then the author returned the next day and said something like "Oh my. I had no idea. We do it twice a day every day.".

I remember feeling irritated with her, as if she had drawn everyone out knowing full well that she was going to trump them.

I feel a little like that right now. Except the opposite. Because I knew what I've been doing to our financial situation could not possibly be the norm, but I just had to know for sure.

Because: $3,000.00.

Three THOUSAND dollars.

That is what I've been spending (what we've been spending - Chris does go to McDonalds once a week and one time even purchased printer toner without my knowledge. the luxuries I put up with from that man, I swear) every month on inessentials.

From your comments I suggest you 1) Print out the last three month's bank statements and 2) put a tick mark next to everything you could have done without. Because if you had asked me a week ago what I blow every month I would have guessed $500. Again for emphasis: Three Thousand Dollars. *gag*

Let's break down mine, shall we? Here are some excerpts from November's statement:

(Click to see full carnage)

Why my husband can't sleep at night.

Why my husband can't sleep at night. Why my husband can't sleep at night.

This is THREE WEEKS.

And irony of all ironies! I'm now paying $9 every month to myfooddiary so that I can DOCUMENT all the FOOD and COFFEE I've been shoving down my fat piehole!

Chris died a little when he realized that if I went back to work for FREE we would make $3,000 more a month because my mere absence from this house would save as much as my full time salary would bring in.

Sobering, no?

And the saddest part is we are totally nickel and diming ourselves to death! I do not have a closet full of designer clothes. I shop for discounts and sales. All of this time I could have been buying Manolos! Or 300 pairs of panties for Britney Spears! Instead I'm buying coffee and turkey dogs. TURKEY DOGS! (I do it for the PIGS! Think of the piiiiiiigs!)

The good news of course is that we do have disposable income. Which can easily become investment income. Or "Make a Damn Sandwich at Home Once In a While" Income. So, as Chris said we're "Going Commando" (he's so cute when he's angry - he wore fatigues today and everything). We're making over my mad spending skillz.

Last night we bought the Total Money Makeover (yes! we went and bought another book! see how quickly we learn?) and already it's blowing me away. (So it's actually possible to live a life with CASH? And no DEBT? Huh. And what is this you claim about the SUN warming the EARTH?)

I can't believe I've been doing this. I'm still in shock. TURKEY DOGS???


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