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12.20.2006

If Only We Were Going To Be Honest

Edited To Add: I'll assume you're like my husband and need to be TOLD to click on the links because they're pictures. And they're funny.

Our Yearly Letter, if we weren't big liars, would go something like this.

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Dear Family & Friends,

How are the holidays finding you? Well we hope.

After finally settling into Boringtown, Chris and Lena realized that they would rather die than live another day here.

Lena began painting 50 bajillion cabinets and slept in her free time while Chris has spent an inordinate amount of the year getting high on sawdust in the garage.

Tragically, they soon realized that even their hard work and Target scented candles couldn't counteract the godforsaken housing market and they told the realtor to take a hike.

This is where they really started fighting and if it weren't for their mutual love of Mexican food it is hard to say if they would have made it through.

Shortly thereafter Lena finally got the colonoscopy she'd had her eye on all year. It went nicely with her hypochondria and, as you know, invasive procedures are all the rage this season.

Lena has also managed to maintain a toehold in the "mommy blogging" industry. She's begun using big words like "freelance" and her diet is now filled with meals that require only one hand. She has been rewarded with a ten pound larger ass and a freakish obsession with other people's lives.

Also, all her plants died.

And she has a bald spot.

Chris has been working more than ever this year and aside from the realization that his beautiful and talented wife is more expensive than his own personal geisha would be, he is doing just fine. The doctor says as long as he stays on his meds and Lena keeps her distance, he should be clear of any more "episodes".

They have relisted their house. Pray for them.

Savannah has continued to blossom and thrive as only a child of theirs can. She can command attention, snacks, and crafts at any time of the day due to her mother's clueless parenting style and loves nothing more than a good game of "Can I have the change I find in dad's pants in the laundry?".

Her only complaints are that her parents keep getting in her way of ruling the world and they need more popsicles in the house.

Savannah Powers

She would also like to state for the record that Zach is way cuter than Cody.

Allie is destroying the lawn and stealing beer. She is going in the next stew.

Dogs Have Vices Too

Jack and Oliver want you to know that the wet food has stopped without explanation and they've been sleeping in drawers. They urge you to call PETA.

A Cry For Help

Warmest Regards,

The Whole Famn Damily

The Cheeky Lotus Family

P.S. Lena is still barren. Send babies.

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If you seriously want a Yearly Photo Letter, email me your address. Think how much it will be worth on Ebay! That's a quick 25 cents I'll tell you what.

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