What I don’t get is the melodrama.
I re-joined Weight Watchers this week and yesterday was my first meeting. I know you’re all thinking I must have some sort of eating disorder because I appear thin.
Well, you’re right.
I think about food ALL THE TIME. From the moment I get up until I go to bed, if I’m not eating, I’m thinking about eating. And the organic berries topping the all natural yogurt with homemade granola I have in the morning? Yeah, that’s just to appease the Angel on my shoulder when I reach for the Doritos ten minutes later and hand them to the Devil. And that bitch can eat.
Although I am currently at an average weight, it is not average for me. The last time I weighed this much, I was pregnant.
I think that bears repeating.
I was growing a human the last time I saw this number. Awesome.
Plus it really isn’t about the scale. It’s about arresting this bad new habit before it gets out of control. I’ve gained 10 pounds in two months! That is not okay. After my dad died last year, I comforted myself with food all year. I allowed it to assuage my fear and sadness.
But, now it is time to reconnect with the old Lena. She was active. She ate smart. Her ass was perky. Most of all, she was happy and funny. This one, not so much. Cranky and gassy mostly.
So, I weigh in last night and as expected everyone is looking at me with a furrowed brow like I’m Nicole Richie in the donut shop with her bag of carrots. For this reason, I stay pretty silent during the meeting. I figure I don’t need to explain myself. I know I have a problem and just because I’m not “as big as” doesn’t change that.
Well, the consultant kicks off the discussion by congratulating people on things they thought about.
Consultant: “Now we have someone who did something very special. Jennnnniiieee! What forces did you put in motion this week with your adjusted behavior?”
Jennie: “Well, (pause for effect) I woke up one morning and realized I hadn’t written down the baked chips I had the night before. They were only one point, but I went back and wrote them down.”
We applauded this. Yes. Then Jennie got a sticker.
What the hell?
Don’t get mad. I do understand that you should encourage yourself with the little things and take it one day at a time, but I guarantee that by the looks of Jennie, baked chips are not what got her where she is today. The reality is that where a major overhaul is needed, tiny baby steps are just going to frustrate you and prolong the process.
Don’t condescend Jennie, or me, by celebrating every damn thing we do. That only takes away from the real achievements. Like refraining from licking the frosting off of every single leftover cupcake after (or during) your daughter’s party, or shouting your Starbucks order from across the room in order to avoid the sample tray. Those are accomplishments.
Something just tells me that if Jennie doesn’t get real, she will one night soon end up on the floor in front of her fridge surrounded by “two point bar” wrappers, face covered in chocolate and pound cake, rocking back and forth mumbling “four plus the five at lunch minus two, carry the one, add the six…”.
The Weight Watchers program, the point system, all of it, are guidelines. They are to be incorporated into your real life to help you change your habits. Not replace your real life.
So, at the end of the meeting when the consultant got out a Tupperware dish and said “I brought you all something” and then opened it to reveal magnets, I leaned over to the lady next to me and said “Oh, I thought they’d be cookies.”
Then I laughed quietly to myself. Apparently, cookies are not something to joke about.