My Bologna Has a First Name - It's B-R-O-K-E

Hi. My name is Lena and I'm a stressaholic. No, really.

The moment that life seemed somewhat normal again and I actually started sleeping at night instead of propped at my desk in my nightgown doing "people searches" on my old elementary school teachers, and my hair finally stopped falling out in tufts the size of small pets, and I could even start a sentence with "I feel..." without bursting into tears, I apparently decide life is now boring and needs to be shaken up.

You know, so that I can have something new to lose my hair over and cry about.

That is the only explanation I have for why in God's name I would decide to start a new job, overhaul my existing job, buy a new house, and sell this current house. All. This. Month.

The way finances sit in this house right now (as if they freaking have time to sit; they hardly have time to wipe their feet and take off their coat before they are rushing off to more important things like mortgage payments and insurance), we are in need of extra cash.

And by extra cash I mean for those days I really want to spoil myself with, you know, Tide instead of All.

But, I've been mooching off my husband for awhile now and while I now know I should be making $134,00 a year, I keep checking the mailbox and I'll be damned if that check hasn't made it's way here yet. Maybe they misspelled my name. That always happens.

So, mama's going to have to get busy. More writing, more gift basketeering, more ebaying, more budgeting, more organ harvesting.

Because if we do not sell this house within the next few months, we will have two mortgages. That's right, I said TWO. Which just so happens to also be the exact number of days for which we could afford to do that.

I hope bald and weepy is the new look this season.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I stopped crying just enough to laugh at this. Now, if you'll excuse me, back to crying.

Posted by: Chris | 05/06/2006 at 10:44 PM

Holy mackeral! Now I'm havin' sympathy stress. (And, uh yeah, I'm mooching off my husband, too!)F. A. B. house, btw!

Posted by: Teri M. | 05/06/2006 at 11:05 PM

(that first mooching that I typed should have had quotations around it - ya know, the punctuation of the sarcastic.)

Posted by: Teri M. | 05/06/2006 at 11:07 PM

Love the new house.:-)

Posted by: Sam | 05/07/2006 at 05:27 AM

um, I LOVE your new house.AND. I would totally support you putting up google ads, and I would click on them, as long as you took them down once you sold you house :)

Posted by: Marcia | 05/07/2006 at 08:42 AM

Gorgeous new house! I hope you have a little time to be happy and excited about moving into it, too.

Posted by: Caryn | 05/07/2006 at 08:42 AM

Nice house!!! Things always have a way of working out (cliche, I know, but true)!

Posted by: Cityslicker Mom | 05/07/2006 at 11:28 AM

I love your new house. It's very, very nice! I'll click on your Google ads, too. I hear you get real money for them. Good luck.

Posted by: Summer | 05/07/2006 at 11:48 AM

It is SO in this season. And Can I say a big AMEN, as I quit my job with health insurance, start a PHD program (in another country) AND do the Club Mom thing?I haven't slept in 2 weeks.

Posted by: Dawn | 05/07/2006 at 01:54 PM

I'm thinking good thoughts for you since I don't have extra money to put in the mail. To combat bald and weepy hopefully you can still run out and buy a new hat and some soothing cucumbers.

Posted by: something blue | 05/07/2006 at 04:19 PM

No complaining. I'm homeless. No, just joking, this sounds awful, and I'm glad I'm not doing it. My mother just last month was renting 2 apartments in two different cities, selling a cottage in one province and buying a house in another (sounds like she should have a personal assistant, but that would be a joke)! Nightmare city! Wait, no complaining. I'm mooching off my mom! And my husband is not even making money - he's just putting us in debt! But, at least I'm homeless and I don't have to deal with the whole selling and buying of houses too!LOL!Just remember to take your meds everyday. Is that really your new house? It's amazing! Don't forget the baking bread in the oven smell to sell your old house or the old cinnamon in water in the oven trick. Don't forget to rid the house of all personal items so that people can imagine their own crap in there. BTW - I finished my photo website! I posted it on my blog, but the address is in case you are interested.So much for being anonymous.

Posted by: Jessica | 05/07/2006 at 05:45 PM

hahahah :)good one ... visit my blog

Posted by: Anonymous | 05/07/2006 at 07:20 PM

Thanks guys. I am so excited. I originally had a picture of our current house up, but Chris was all nervous and stuff and started talking about stalkers and creeped me out enough to take it down. Otherwise, you all would have seen that this new house is a HUGE improvement over the lil' one we currently own.Also, Anonymous - I'm confused on your incomplete laugh. Was it something I said?

Posted by: Lena | 05/07/2006 at 08:02 PM

Wow...summer 06 is the season of change, isn't it? I really hope you get all this sorted out, but I do have to say I laughed my ass off at the Tide v. All comment. I bought Tide last week and felt like I was living decadently and irresponsibly.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 05/08/2006 at 07:02 AM

Wow, gorgeous new house. Turning a bit green. You can keep the stress of it all, though. :)Hope all goes well for you and you survive the next month in one piece, hair included.

Posted by: Heather | 05/08/2006 at 08:04 AM

Man. Aaugh. I'm sending positive thoughts your way right now!

Posted by: Lucinda | 05/08/2006 at 08:22 PM

Love the new house! Is there a guest quaters? Renee will be traveling with me from now on! Well, I'll be stowed away in her suitcase. So a guest quaters would be nice.And don't worry about the whole hair thing! My mom has a wig shop and she'll hook you up. This way Chris could have a blond on Monday, red head on Tuesday, and a brunette the rest of the week. The new nieghborhood will just think he has many girlfriends. Oh, just think about how they'd talk!

Posted by: hook | 05/08/

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