Anniversary, Happy

Today would have been my parents' 30th wedding anniversary.

That is, if my father hadn't alternated between abusive and weepingly apologetic for 25 years causing my mother to finally leave him for the 84th and final time taking me with her and cutting him off, causing him to suddenly and urgently need me in his life and then continue to manipulate me for five years including, but not limited to, agreeing to walk me down the aisle and then backing out two weeks before my wedding, compelling me to cut him out of my life until I had my daughter where he showed up at the hospital with big promises and then made himself scarce for three more years until 18 months ago when he called begging for another chance in my life, which I was so emotionally wrought over I almost went out of mind, but ended up agreeing to, only to have him call the following week to tell me he was dying. Which he did, four months later. And I was the only one there.

Happy anniversary mom and dad.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Oh, wow. It sounds like your mother was right to leave him, and even should have done it sooner. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to give up on an abusive father--even more difficult than giving up on a terrible spouse. My mother's mother was awful to her, and she still lets those experiences taint her own self-image. But she was determined not to be anything like her mother, and she did a good job of that where it counted.

Posted by: Caryn | 05/01/2006 at 04:44 PM

sending happy thoughts of hugs and martinis your way. :-*

Posted by: Teri M. | 05/01/2006 at 04:53 PM

Isn't it amazing what people do to us and themselves? Well, I'm glad you were there - even if hard. I hope it gave you some closure (the good kind - whatever that is).

Posted by: Jessica | 05/01/2006 at 06:35 PM

We have a lot in common. I won't go into it on your comments section but suffice it to say that I know what you're feeling but my father's still alive in a nursing home and I refuse to see him after years and years of his manipulation. Luckily, we can do it differenly.

Posted by: Stefanie | 05/01/2006 at 09:41 PM

Run on sentence anyone? Kidding. I guess I say mean things when I can't think of anything comforting to say.That was awkward.Love you girl!

Posted by: R. Robyn | 05/02/2006 at 12:04 AM

Sheesh.Doesn't sound like fun Lena.So sorry. I can tell that is a painful situation for you.

Posted by: Kelly | 05/02/2006 at 12:18 AM

Yeah. I get it. My father is still alive though. He's in an upswing right now and trying to be there. I'm trying not to be skeptical. I'm sorry.

Posted by: Chantal | 05/02/2006 at 05:08 AM

I'm sorry.

Posted by: mama_tulip | 05/02/2006 at 06:56 AM

I'm sorry. Take good care of yourself today.

Posted by: Heather | 05/02/2006 at 08:24 AM

Oh Lena you make my heart ache and my eyes sting. The situation and relationship wasn't a healthy or loving one, so for that I am truly sorry. I love you Lena and in your father's way he loved you too. I know it meant a lot to him to have you there and in the end, at least you can say you were a bigger person and you had the chance to say goodbye.I hope I get to see you today. Tell S HI!

Posted by: Virenda | 05/02/2006 at 08:30 AM

But in the end you were there. Love them or hate them, our parents are our parents. When my parents divorced my dad divorced us as well. Took many years (the birth of my son) to let dad back in my life. It was a lot of work but worth it in the end.

Posted by: Reverberate58 | 05/02/2006 at 09:10 AM

I am so sorry. I understand what it's like to have an absent father.I am sure his death was so difficult for you, given the situation. I think you are an amazing and forgiving person for being able to be there for him during that time.

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Posted by: Anonymous | 05/02/2006 at 01:07 PM

Holy crap! You seem quite normal for having to deal with all that. I'm not sure how you managed but good for you.

Posted by: Katherine | 05/02/2006 at 04:02 PM

Aww. Sweetie, I'm so sorry. But I know you have an amazing hubby and daughter that love you.And we think you're the Bees Knees, too. ;o)

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 05/03/2006 at 06:30 AM

Wow. I'm sorry.

Posted by: P

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