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4.16.2006

What Happens In Vegas...Was Tame Enough To Drive the Car Home


Is it just me or is the road trip your favorite part as you get older? When I was single, we'd all pile on the plane and that's where the party would start. Now, that I'm "domesticated" I actually get excited about car snacks. Because everyone know that calories consumed while going 75 mph aren't assimilated by your body. It's physics. Plus, all the uninterrupted magazine time. Ooooh, I'm getting all excited again just thinking about it.

So, we stayed at the Mandalay Bay Hotel, which wasn't bad, but you did get the vague feeling that with the new "The Hotel" they just built next door, the MB has become sort of the bastard child.

As soon as we arrived, we went looking for drinks sustenance. In Chris's defense, he just wanted to lounge around in the room. But, we all know what that means and I didn't want to mess up my makeup quite yet. So, we wandered downstairs to dinner.

If you've never been to Vegas, let me tell you that you are missing the best food on earth. Every meal we had was amazing. And amazingly expensive.

But, it feels free because you just say "charge it to my room", which is such an easy habit to get into and a difficult one to break. As my local grocery store this morning can attest to.

Our first dinner was awesome, but our waitress (wait person? food server?) was horrible. It was like she was purposely avoiding our table. At one point I asked the busboy to please get her, watched him tell her, watched her look at us and then walk away. Never to return.

So, later on our way back to our room in the elevator full of people, I asked Chris if he tipped her.

Chris: "Yes."
Me: "How much?"
Chris: "Twenty percent."
Me: "You gave her twenty percent?! Are you kidding?"
Chris: "It's not a big deal."
Me: "Chris, but that was the worst lap dance you've ever gotten!"

Of course, this being Vegas there were only a few snickers. But, Chris' face made it all worth it. He stared straight ahead for the next 16 floors in silence. While I giggled. Did I mention that in Vegas they actually give you a plastic cup for your drink as you leave? So, that you can continue to walk around with it? Or harrass your husband in the elevator? It's handy I tell you.


So, how was Dane Cook?

Dane was...Dane. You know, the usual. Pulling me up from the audience, swinging me around, and carrying me around on his shoulders for part of the show. I think it may have been a little awkward for the rest of the audience, but there's no stopping the Dane Train.

I finally asked him kindly to put me down...right there...next to my husband who I prefer. (He's just as funny plus he's a superhero and who doesn't love superheroes?)

Oh! You mean in reality.

He was very very funny. His very very skinny girlfriend sang the national anthem first. I thought that was a little disrespectful to me. You know, I was right there, but whatever.

My advice is to definitely kick off any vacation with a good comedy show. Nothing gets you in the mood for good times like laughing your asses off while shrieking in each other's faces "That's so true!". Chris and I were hysterical and it set the tone for the rest of our trip.


After the show, when we were good and liquored up, we decided to embarrass ourselves by paying $50!! to get into the hot nightclub, Rum Jungle. Then drinks were $10 each. Then Chris and I tried to dance to hard core techno that was literally vibrating my heart. It was dark, hot, and freaking loud. When did that stop spelling F-U-N?

Once I accidentally poured my drink down Chris' back trying to lean in to hear him better, we decided we were done. The way Chris figured it, that thrilling experience cost us $2.20 a minute. Awesome.

The next day we lounged by the pool and I read all my gossip mags, which are ancient news now thanks to The Green Straw. Chris and I amused ourselves by playing with our new cell phones and downloading various ring tones. (If you ever hear "Feel Good" by the Gorillaz while you're in the mall, I'm probably nearby. Me or one of 40,000 other people that have it.)

I can't tell you how nice it was to just lounge, read, and soak up the sun. And I was only occasionally bothered by my streaky spray tan and extra 10 pounds. That's a good day, my friends.

We had the dinner of our lives at Olives in Ballagio that night. All I have to say is "hand rolled Butternut Squash Raviolis". Hold me.

(Here Chris and I decided to mock the water show at Bellagio that all the Mid-Westerners ooh and ahh over. See the couple behind me really trying to take it seriously?)


We had a blast, but it is required good to be home now. Less the tattoos I thought for sure I could bully Chris into. Next time we'll get those matching dice. I can feel it.


p.s.- On a side note, I'm done with TT. I'm just...done.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Comments

I'm so envious your trip sounded like SO MUCH fun. The food and liquor is always the bestest part. ~sigh~ I was sick the whole weekend and just stayed home. I'm NOT gonna cry and whine I promise.Dane Cook's girlfriend sung? Don't lie, he doesn't have a gf. LIES all LIES!!!Oh and as you know, road trips excite me more then the actual place I'm going too. Can't wait to go to Vegas with you Lena.Oh and you LOOK fantastic!!!

Posted by: Virenda | 04/13/2006 at 01:10 PM

OMG you are funny. Sounds like a FANTASTIC time.And um, can I *tell* you how jealous I am that you can read in the car. That would make road trips sooooooooo much more fun. LOL

Posted by: EE | 04/13/2006 at 01:40 PM

Oh and yes, look at you, aren't you quite the little hottie, lol.

Posted by: EE | 04/13/2006 at 01:41 PM

I love the elevator incident. I’m totally going to pull that on Tony. Wait that would require him to go out in public with me huh? Crap.I’m surprised the waitress at the rumble jungle didn’t trapeze over to you, release your check from her cleavage and say Come Back Soon b*tch… well the b*tch part would probably be under her breath. Maybe she was upset that your boyfriend just spent their rent on 2 hits of ecstasy and a stripper limo. Again. Oh and you should of went up to the mid-westerners and say, “So beautiful, huh?! You would never guess that they use their sewage water from the hotel. Can you smell that?”Glad you had fun in Vegas.

Posted by: Freakren | 04/13/2006 at 02:07 PM

So... my version of the national anthem was fantabulous, was it not?I just LOVE being Dane's skinny, hot, girlfriend!;)

Posted by: Kelly | 04/13/2006 at 02:39 PM

Your trip sounded fantastic. Dane Cook, a $2.20/minute nightclub excursion, AND hand-rolled butternut squash ravioli? Too much. Too much, I say. And you two are such an attractive couple I want to go throw up somewhere. Dammit.

Posted by: Jess Riley | 04/13/2006 at 03:06 PM

Sounds like you had a blast....and I am completely envious.The pictures are great, you little hottie! Isn't Olives delicious!? Man, I'm craving pasta now, thanks!Glad you had fun, but even "gladder" your back in the blogging world where you belong! ;)

Posted by: Angela | 04/13/2006 at 03:21 PM

I'm so glad you FINALLY posted again. No pressure or anything. No, really, I'm joking. I wish that I could have such skinny arms when I'm supposedly 10 pounds heavier than normal. Even when I'm thin I don't have skinny arms. Skinny arms and skinny legs can always make one appear thinner! What did Dane's girlfriend say when he had you on his shoulders? Oh, and I've liked the car ride better than the trip since I was really little. I especially like the part when you play loud music and sing along at the top of your lungs.

Posted by: Jessica | 04/13/2006 at 07:51 PM

I'm so jealous you went to Vegas.And at your lack of arm flab.

Posted by: mama_tulip | 04/13/2006 at 08:39 PM

i love dane cook and what's this foolishness about a girlfriend? say it ain't so.i LOVE the water feature at bellagio. are they still playing andrea bochelli? sigh.

Posted by: TANYETTA | 04/13/2006 at 09:06 PM

Sounds like an awesome trip, and you and Chris are such a cute couple. I've heard the food in Vegas is awesome, but although I've been there I wouldn't know - I was 13 when we drove through and we stopped at a McDonald's. I may have to go back for that ravioli, because that sounds amazing.

Posted by: Mrs. Ca | 04/14/2006 at 05:50 AM

Not only are you two cute and adorable, but you're hot! w00t!And I guess now is a good a time as any to let you know that that LV bag is the one I want (Calbasas Piano or some shit) and, if it's real, will be stolen from out of your closet BY. NIGHTFALL.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 04/14/2006 at 06:34 AM

Sounds awesome. I'd really love to go to Vegas. Never been. I'm not much of a gambler, but it sounds like you aren't either and you had a great time!

Posted by: Lucinda | 04/14/2006 at 06:43 AM

Glad to hear you had such a nice time in Vegas. Sounds like a blast. I agree; when I have a trip (like next weekend in Phoenix) it's often the drive I look forward to most. The music, books on CD, talking, snacking, scenery, whatever. Maybe it's just being able to sit without feeling like I should be doing something. Your story about the waitress & tipping made me laugh. Once a waiter dropped my entire plate of nachos on me and didn't even apologize--even after I informed him those were brand new shorts I'd just brought that afternoon. We had to ask him to clean up the mess because he just left it and my sandal-clad feet were sliding in it. Disgusting! Then Tim tipped him. Ridiculous. I guess we just chose nice guys...Sorry to hear you won't be doing TT anymore. I missed your post yesterday.

Posted by: Caryn | 04/14/2006 at 07:50 AM

You're a trip, Lena - I'd love to hang out with you! :)Thanks for the update - it sounds like SO much fun! I have got to see who this Dane Cook is.

Posted by: Lisa | 04/14/2006 at 10:59 AM

Beware of car snacks Lena, I feed my kids alot of fries, chips, and crackers in the car, and we got BUGS! I'm going to post about this in detail on my blog when I get time, but we got our car cleaned today and the guy vacuumed out at least 50 beetle like creatures with freakin' wings from under the car seats! They feed off food left there and multiply.

Posted by: Chic Mommy | 04/14/2006 at 12:16 PM

you so deserved that and more, lena! glad you had a great time.Sh***hhu@@@#$##!!@@#$$#!!!okay. now that i've got that out of my jealous system - so, so glad to have you back, gorgeousgirl. my, you're really one beautiful woman, you. it's not only a treat to read your words but a delight to see you in pics. i was laughing at the one of you and chris (what an expression!) doing the tourist bit by the bellagio. verycute.more and more blessings to a blest lady.

Posted by: iKat | 04/14/2006 at 01:04 PM

Looks like you guys had a great time! I'm so jealous, I want to go to Vegas!!!

Posted by: Ficklechick | 04/14/2006 at 07:20 PM

Ok, I'm voting you two "Most Attractive Couple of Blog Class of '06"

Posted by: Teri M. | 04/17/2006 at 04:41 PM

What a FUN trip!!!!!! I would LOVE to see dane Cook! I Love him and will try not to hold against him the fact that he is "friends" with Jessica Simpson!Um, Plus, You look HOT!

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