Fashion Don’t

I thought it was a cute shirt last week. Express has some killer sales and it was only $9.99. Soft, stretchy, and on clearance. A monkey would have walked out with it, it was such an easy decision.

However, I did have some reservations about how billowy it was when I put it on this morning. But I convinced myself that my lack of fat face, arms the width of thighs, and acne would assure strangers that I was not pregnant and that this was just “the style”.

I could not have been more wrong.

As soon as I got to the post office, a man rushed to get the door for me. Rushed. I tried to dismiss that until the same thing happened on my way out.

Later, at the grocery store I noticed not just one, but at least five different women check out my stomach. And they didn’t even look unsure. They would just look at my stomach, look up at me, and smile. A conspiratorially procreative smile.

Then at the checkout I tell the checker to ring me up for a case of water as well. He immediately runs off to get my water for me (something that is never done) and then intercoms that I need help out!

“Oh, I don’t need help out. I can lift the waters.” I tell the checker.

He looks at me, hesitating.

“Are you…sure…you can?” he asks.

“Oh, you mean, can I be trusted to put my own groceries in the car since I obviously cannot manage to make fashion choices that do not make me appear pregnant when I AM NOT?”

Okay. I didn’t say that exactly.

Actually, I said “I’ll be fine” and pushed my cart out of there feeling part idiotic and part strong fearless fertile woman.

The only way I could have looked more pregnant today would be if a child were actually crowning in the produce aisle.

What do you think? Hmm?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I think you look HOT. And I also say screw everyone who made assumptions about your life when they have no idea!I still think it was $10 well spent.

Posted by: Marcia | 04/25/2006 at 03:54 PM

on second thought, I think you should wear that to the store, and buy like, a handle of rum, a handle of tequila, a case of beer, and nothing else. See what kind of looks you get then!

Posted by: Marcia | 04/25/2006 at 03:54 PM


Posted by: Lena | 04/25/2006 at 04:23 PM

Now, I know you're annoyed, but this could have some advantages. Just imagine. All these people all day were wanting to do things for you!As for the shirt, it's cute. I can see why people guessed that you were pregnant, not because you look it in the photos, but because I've seen some maternity shirts in that style. But I've seen plenty of non-maternity shirts in that style, too. I say, keep the shirt and use it for good or for evil. Preferably evil, because evil's much more fun. (Like, wear it to a bar and order a martini, then look at the horrified looks on other patrons' faces.)

Posted by: Caryn | 04/25/2006 at 05:40 PM

I don't think you look pregnant. I adore that shirt!

Posted by: Denise | 04/25/2006 at 06:44 PM

LOL At Marcia!!! Add a pack of ciggies (Camels) and watch them call CPS on you! I like the shirt alot, but I've never about a similar shirt because every time I try it on, I look PG. BUT I don't think you look PG in it.

Posted by: shizzknits | 04/25/2006 at 07:24 PM

Ok,after dumba$$ here figured out where to look at the pics, it is her humble opinion that you look fantabulous and all those people were crack-heads.

Posted by: Teri M. | 04/25/2006 at 07:35 PM

I've actually thought about walking around with my hand on top of my belly. THIS IS SAD!

Posted by: Freakren | 04/25/2006 at 08:30 PM

You don't look pregnant. The shirt looks a tad maternity-ish.... but a lot of shirts do right now. It is the style. I agree with Cia. Shock 'em Lena. For pure entertainment sake!

Posted by: Kelly | 04/25/2006 at 10:05 PM

You don't look pregnant at all. The style is, like Kelly said "maternity-ish" but that is what all the cool kids are wearing...I Love Marcia's it and report back! LOL!

Posted by: Linsey | 04/25/2006 at 10:39 PM

LOL! I can see how, maybe someone could think you were like, TWO WEEKS PREGNANT. :)If it makes you feel any better, I would have bought the shirt. Of course, if you looked into my closet you might not feel any better. Nevermind.Maybe you can save it until you really are pregnant?

Posted by: Heather | 04/25/2006 at 10:40 PM

LOL! First of all, it's a really cute shirt and I really like it, BUT I can see why people think it's maternity, it's the cut of the shirt. I actually wear stuff like that these days to HIDE the post baby bulge that still hasn't disappeared. You don't look pregnant though, I think the women who've been there can figure it out, but men...they need extra help.

Posted by: Chic Mommy | 04/25/2006 at 11:59 PM

I'm with Marcia. Do it with a smoke hangin' out of your mouth, just for added effect.(It's a cute shirt.)

Posted by: mama_tulip | 04/26/2006 at 05:42 AM

I think it looks fine. Very cute in fact. I do like marcia's idea though. That would be pretty funny.

Posted by: Mrs. Ca | 04/26/2006 at 06:04 AM

Since I had the chance to see it first hand in person I can report that it DOES, sorry to say, look maternity-ish, but I'm thinking the capris are what put it over the edge. You are so freaking gorgeous and skinny that you could pull off anything.I say the next time we go out drinking and dancing you should wear that shirt. NOT ONLY because then I'd have a fighting chance, but I'd love to see the looks. :0)

Posted by: Virenda | 04/26/2006 at 08:02 AM

I love that shirt. And I have a similar one that I always worry will make me look pregnant! So I'll cross my arms over my stomach and suck in whenever I think anyone's looking! Keep wearing it- It's nice to not have to suck in your gut all day- that's why I love this style. :)

Posted by: Lucinda | 04/26/2006 at 08:05 AM

Yeah...I don't see the pregger look either!! It's just a really cute shirt and I'd totally rock it.Maybe everyone was fawning over you cause you looked hot!;o)

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 04/26/2006 at 08:16 AM

Also, that was a hilarious post."...crowning in the produce aisle..."

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 04/26/2006 at 08:17 AM

LolMarcia!I have some shirts that do that but atleast they think I am pregnant instead of thinking I have a gut! You are beautiful pregnant or not;)

Posted by: mommyof4 | 04/26/2006 at 08:26 AM

You know, I was really happy with my shirts like that until one day my mother-in-law said, "Don't wear that - you look pregnant." Now I just can't get over it even if I try.I'm thinking that no matter how many peeps tell you that you look cute (you do) that you probably won't wear it again...Why can Misha Barton do it and we can't?

Posted by: Jessica | 04/26/2006 at 08:31 AM

I'm agreeing with Kelly.Now if I had that shirt on with my never-going-away-pooch-belly, I would definitely look pregnant! :)

Posted by: Lisa | 04/26/2006 at 10:13 AM

I'm happy to report I wore it with skinny jeans and high wedge sandals last night to dinner and it was hot. Hot-ter.No one acted like I was pregnant either. Although Chris was with me, so they could've figured he could get the damn door.

Posted by: Lena | 04/26/2006 at 10:32 AM

Oh sorry but that's funny! Don't get mad - use it! Milk it! Any day you feel down, wear that shirt so you get a little extra help and love. hee hee

Posted by: Katherine | 04/26/2006 at 10:52 AM

i think it's totally cute. yeah, i've seen maternity shirts in that style; but mostly just an empire waist. duh. anyways, it's totally cute. don't let them get you down!

Posted by: Emily | 04/26/2006 at 12:56 PM

I tried on several shirts like this at Old Navy a few weeks ago and looked ready to pop at any minute. They didn't make it into my bag. I did have alot of fun when I was really pregnant. If people asked when I was due I would yell out "Baby? There's no baby! What are you saying?"

Posted by: Chantal | 04/26/2006 at 01:42 PM

you are a RIOT. be sure to pull that shirt out the next time you dont feel like opening any of your own doors!

Posted by: HolyMama! | 04/26/2006 at 02:47 PM

Yah, I don't care how fashionable something is, if it ain't form fitted to show that I am definitely NOT pregnant, it's not touching my body.

Posted by: Cityslicker Mom | 04/27/2006 at 12:12 AM

i have a couple of tops in that style but having no boobs i guess people are less sure about whether to bother opening the doors! bastards.i say it looks fabulous- especially with skinny jeans and heals i'm sure it hot!but marcia's idea is great- don't do it in your regular store though!and then wear it everytime you need to do the shopping or carry large bags and get the other mugs to do it for you.hell katie did it for 9 months why shouldn't you?!

Posted by: keda | 04/27/2006 at 02:35 AM

*chuckle*Did you consider the fact that you just looked so damn fine, that people couldn't help but stare? Um, and it was men that opened the doors for you, right? And uh, the checker... betcha he called for 'help-out' to make sure his buddy got a look at you too. It wasn't see-thru under sunlight or flourescent lights, was it?*still chuckling*Like it has been said here already, this is an 'in-style' garment. I think it looks comfy and sexy. Just the same, I can also see how one would think it's a maternity top. LOL @ Marcia and Caryn!You know, at least no one said to you, "Got a bun in the oven, eh?" Yeah, that happened to me once, so I never wore that shirt again. Heh.

Posted by: ~ Stacy ~ | 04/27/2006 at 07:08 AM

Um...yeah. You are right on both counts. It IS the latest thing. there anyone on earth exept lithe 17 year olds who WON'T look pregnant in it?Sheesh.

Posted by: Krisco | 04/28/2006 at 01:56 PM

I have two shirts that are billowy. One is burgandy and has pink sequence at the waist where it pulls in and then it billows out. It's low cut and I sometimes wear it when going to the bar with friends. One time at the bar a friend of mine told me she hates shirt like that because they can make the skinniest woman look pregnant...The other one is one of those bohemian shirts that were all the rage last summer. Everytime I wear it, people say "you're not having another one, are you?I don't care what people think. Both of those shirts are extremely comfortable. Both of those shirts make me feel beautiful, sexy and feminine.

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