Curiosity Made the Cat Run Real Fast

I really really don't want to post about my cat. Alas, I have no choice because this is funny stuff.

So, I have this fat orange cat. His name is Oliver, but that doesn't matter. Especially because you never need to call him since he is like a permanent slipper on your right foot wherever you go all day.

Oliver is an affection whore. He must be touched at all times. He shimmies along the walls as he walks, runs his cheeks across anything with a corner, and pulls himself along on his back on every surface throughout the house. Wherever you are, there he will be. Petting himself with your hand without you even noticing.

Well, the other day I was running on the treadmill. Which is next to my bed. Oliver was sitting on the edge of the bed, two feet from me, slowly reaching his paw out toward me over and over as I ran. I'm thinking, 'Of course he knows he can't come near me. He's an animal. They have an innate ability to sense danger? Right?'

His round orange eyes were boring into me, pleading for physical contact. As his reaching became more urgent, I started to consider that he just may get desperate.

Not a second later, the cat jumps. On. The. Treadmill. And. Runs. With. Me.

Never one to overreact, I start wildly yelling "No! No!" as he races behind me. I look over my shoulder and this cat is running like his tail's on fire. His eyes are wild and his face is registering something is terribly wrong with his current situation.

After about five full seconds of sprinting behind me, he realizes he's going to need to step up his game if he's going to make it out of this alive. His eight inch legs start to spin like a cartoon character and he actually manages to run faster than I'm running and shoots off the front of the machine.

Poor cat hid in the bathroom for three days.

I'm taking this as yet another sign that exercising is dangerous and it's much safer to sit and eat french bread. Also, that my cat is...."special".


Anonymous said...


OMGOD that is the cutest funniest scariest thing ever. I can just imagine the freak out when he did jump. Oliver is the cutest cat ever, don't you just wish sometimes that life had a record button? (note I said sometimes...).Of course you had to post this, it's far to cute NOT too. You NEED to post Oliver and Jacks picture, share the cuteness.

Posted by: Virenda | 04/04/2006 at 04:10 PM

That is very very funny. You know, the part about you actually running on a treadmill in your own house! Mine is used soley to store clothes that I've taken off in a drunken stupor. Also, I kind of relate to Oliver in the whole affection whore thing!

Posted by: Stefanie | 04/04/2006 at 04:36 PM

It sounds as if Oliver is suffering some form of Feline Personality Disorder, in which he thinks he is a dog.

Posted by: Sarah Letnes | 04/04/2006 at 05:14 PM

Oliver sounds just like my cat George who just found a fabulous home with an older couple. The man has Alzheimer's disease and it is perfect because he forgets that he just finished petting him... and pets him again.Hilarious story - I was giggling at my computer the entire time.

Posted by: Jessica | 04/04/2006 at 06:42 PM

That?Was freakin' hilarious.

Posted by: landismom | 04/04/2006 at 06:53 PM

That's just too funny! I would have loved to have seen that. I'm still giggling just thinking about it!

Posted by: Undercover Angel | 04/04/2006 at 08:18 PM

That was wickedly funny. Now you need to put a sock over his head and watch him back around the room. No, that would be mean.

Posted by: Amanda | 04/04/2006 at 08:35 PM

Reminds me of the time my dog jumped up on my big trampoline...surprised himself...and didn't know how to get off. He's never tried it again.

Posted by: colleen | 04/04/2006 at 08:46 PM

Oh no!!!! Poor Oliver. I had such a great image of the little guy sprinting in place, horrified, faster and faster, then ... zoom!! Kinda makes me wish we still had our treadmill to see what our dog would do with it.See, this is just one example of why pets are awesome. PS: yes, I am drinking again. But only on Fridays. And only half a bottle of wine.

Posted by: Jess Riley | 04/04/2006 at 08:51 PM

Oh my gosh, I was peeing myself while reading this...I kept saying, "no the can't is NOT going to do what I think it is going to do...". Great post! Thanks for a great laugh,a.

Posted by: andrea | 04/04/2006 at 09:03 PM

Oh, Lena, that is just freaking HILARIOUS! Thanks for the laughs (stifled at 1:00 a.m.!) and I think I am loving Oliver the Special already.

Posted by: iKat | 04/04/2006 at 10:00 PM

If we all deny our treadmills, and ellipticals, and whatnot, and take up eating french bread, can we use Laughing Cow cheese? Or is that just pushing it?

Posted by: R. Robyn | 04/04/2006 at 11:02 PM

ROFL! I gotta say..I love orange cats, and I love his name! Our cat was black and white.

Posted by: Lisa | 04/05/2006 at 04:30 AM

I had to read this to Tony so he could pee a little too!

Posted by: Freakren | 04/05/2006 at 06:24 AM

LOL! (((cat)))Thanks for checking out my blog. I've read through a few of your entries and you and I def have quite a bit in common. And similar writing style. I'll be checking back. :)

Posted by: EE | 04/05/2006 at 06:35 AM

LOL, I love this!! The tears are running. Being a cat owner I can see this as it played out!! So glad mine choose not to execise with me!!

Posted by: Reverberate58 | 04/05/2006 at 06:39 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Omigod that was hilar! It also makes me miss my old kitty. Hahaha...if your kitty ever has kittens, you know where to send one of em!

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 04/05/2006 at 06:58 AM

Ha ha ha! This was hilarious!

Posted by: Lucinda | 04/05/2006 at 08:34 AM

Thank you so much for the laugh!!!!!!I needed that so badly today. I literally laughed out loud, I have't done that yet on the blogs I read!!!Also, thanks for posting on my blog, it was great to hear from someone new.:)

Posted by: Slacker Mom | 04/05/2006 at 10:33 AM

Okay. That was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

Posted by: Kelly | 04/05/2006 at 10:36 AM

Oh, my GOD, Lena! That story had me cracking up until tears came to my eyes. Really. You described it so perfectly, I could picture the whole thing. Definitely worth a cat post. (Says I of the oft-posted-about three cats.) The Basil, a.k.a. The Love Sponge, often tries to capture my attention when I'm on my cardioglide. Cardiogliding involves kicking out with one's feet on these plastic pedals. You'd think by now he'd know that there's a pattern to this kicking thing. But no.

Posted by: Caryn | 04/05/2006 at 12:09 PM

lol. SO funny. i could imagine the whole thing, esp. the poor scared cat once he realized something was wrong. thanks for sharing it. made me laugh.

Posted by: Emily | 04/05/2006 at 12:54 PM

Wow...I have tears I was laughing so hard. Poor Oliver!

Posted by: Mrs. Ca | 04/05/2006 at 01:13 PM

OMG that is too funny!

Posted by: Courtney | 04/05/2006 at 02:44 PM

That is the funniest thing ever! My cat Pilot always tries to jump on the treadmill if I'm on it but quickly jumps off usually.

Posted by: robin | 04/05/2006 at 03:41 PM

I'm so glad some of you cried and others peed. My job here is done.

Posted by: Lena | 04/05/2006 at 04:55 PM

*wiping tears* That's hilarious! I can just see it, especially since I used to own a "special" cat myself. Thanks for the great story.

Posted by: Laylabean | 04/05/2006 at 06:23 PM

damn you for making me laugh uncontrollably with a 6-day old incision in my stomach muscles! owie!your cat rocks.

Posted by: carmie | 04/05/2006 at 07:26 PM

LMAO!!! Oh, how I wish I had seen that!

Posted by: ~ Stacy ~ | 04/06/2006 at 08:10 AM

I died laughing at this..thanks so much for sharing..I needed a laugh today!

Posted by: Jocalyn | 04/06/2006 at 03:07 PM

one more bad it wasnt on tape...would have been good for funniest home videos!

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Posted by: Anonymous | 04/11/2006 at 08:24 PM

That is the funniest thing I have read all day. I was wheezing like an old lady and wiping tears by the time I finished reading. :)

Posted by: KEP | 04/13/2006 at 11:38 AM

i cannot stop laughing. you are too funny. that was a much needed laugh.p.s. set up word verification, looks like a SPAMMER (LOSER) got a hold of your comments section.

Posted by: TANYETTA | 04/13/2006 at 09:04 PM

OMG.....I laffed so hard i cried...Literally..I have tears running down my cheeks and my innards hurt....I have an orange cat much like yours..Needs to be loved, wont chase mice or bugs, always rubbing...His name...GARFILED, of course....I could just picture the cat running with you...And the look of fright on his face when he realized he was in big trouble getting sucked onto the treadmill....Thanx.

Posted by: KC | 04/17/2006 at 01:02 PM

See what I miss by not digging through the archives?

This story is freakin' hilarious. I almost peed a little reading it. :) Sure am glad no one's around my office to hear me giggling.....

Posted by: Amanda | 07/21/2006 at 09:45 AM

Hilarious! Our cat, Otto, has a similar personality. I can only image what he'd do if we had a treadmill. Thanks for giving me a preview.

Posted by: erika | 01/04/2007 at 0

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