We Have Issues

While we're on the subject I just fell off my bed trying to pull on my sock. I can't make this stuff up! If I go missing, you can bet I accidentally ran myself over.

And now, some highlights of my trizip:

(S. is not diggin the snow.)
(She prefers her audience of ducks.)
Okay, so you have to picture this for it to be funny. Trust me - I know about these things.

So, I made a nice big dinner one evening while we were on vacation and Chris - he is well trained - was doing the dishes.

Well, the water is running loudly and he is facing the sink, away from the kitchen door. My mom walks by behind him and says "Thank you for doing the dishes Chris". Without looking at her, he says "Oh, no problem."

I know that he has no idea that I just walked into the kitchen so the second after my mom says that behind him, I soundlessly pass by and pinch his butt. A subtle little pinch. The logical thought, of course, is that its my mom. He spins around and the look on his face, dear reader, was PRICELESS. Horrified doesn't even begin to cover it.


My mom is a bit of what my aunt calls a "premature panicker". As in "Ohmygod!Ilockedthekeysinthecar!ohmygod!....oh, never mind, here they are" or "Iforgottopaythatbill!They'regoingtotakethehouse!Whatrewegoingtodo?!...Oh, wait. Here's the receipt. Whew.".

So, when it began to snow Saturday and we were somewhat low on firewood, cash, and water, my mother started frothing at the mouth in worry. Picture this: Brian, my stepfather (gentlest, quietest soul), Chris (silent strong type), my panicky mother, and my feisty self are all standing in the living room deciding what we are going to do.

The dilemma is that even though the electricity keeps going out and we know we are going to need more firewood soon, we can't agree whether we should go to the store immediately before the weather gets worse or wait it out.

Chris: "It's just a little slush. We'll be fine in our car. Let's go."

Lena: "Are you crazy?! Absolutely not! I will not allow you to leave this house without chains on the tires! Can't we just wait?"

Mom: "Chris, you're being foolish. Be realistic. It's a blizzard out there! You have to use chains! And we cannot wait! We must go now! It's only going to get worse!"

My mom's panic becomes contagious and I'm starting to be truly concerned for our safety.

The more concerned my mother and I become, the more amused Chris and Brian are with us. Before you know it, my mom is pulling on her coat and claiming she is walking to the store (about a mile away). I run for my coat as well.

Then I remind my mom that we're going to need to walk back with firewood. We both stand at the front door staring at each other.

So, without a word, Brian just calmly grabs his keys and gets in the car. My mom and I chase after him and jump in. We drive to the store.... without incident.

Inside the store my mother is stocking up for a winter of hibernation. Keep in mind we have ONE day left. She has about 50 pounds of wood, 3 liters of alcohol, a large bag of coffee, and 20 tons of bottled waters. I grab the essentials: skittles and an US magazine.

When I scoff at my mom's large purchases at checkout, she and I start arguing. And she actually says this: "What if we get snowed in?!".

There is about an inch of snow on the ground. The sun is out. And the cashier is wearing SHORTS. He is also losing his patience with us.

At this point, the woman standing behind us can't take it anymore and, in her cute vest and jeans, leans forward with her pack of gum and says "Excuse me. I'm just trying to pick my son up from school. Are you guys...ready?".

My mom, bundled up in her puffy pink ski jacket and snow boots is now flustered and I am quickly realizing that we are overreacting just a bit. The locals are just trying to go about their day while we shout and panic over getting "snowed in".

To make things more amusing, the next day was sunny and all the snow had melted. To which my mom responded "You're not going to blog about this, are you?"

Lake Arrowhead: 1

Girls: 0

(You can't tell, but Chris has a pantsfull of snow.)

(Me and S. after bobsledding.)

(Mom is gearing up to go about 1 mile an hour.)

(Let's pretend we're admiring the birds outside rather than playing Nintendo.)

(My parents. Eww! Get a room!)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I have to say, your story about pinching Chris' butt made me laugh out loud. Then, of course, I had to read the whole thing to my husband, lest he thinks I've gone truly mad and am now laughing at the walls for no reason. He found it amusing, but I think it made him a tad uncomfortable, as he pictured it happening to him, and I have to admit, his reaction was kinda cute.

Posted by: Caryn | 03/06/2006 at 07:05 PM

Oh Lena!! You made me snort! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I seriously needed a good giggle with a snort at someone else's expense. I love you!

Posted by: wils's little sister | 03/06/2006 at 07:05 PM

Love the photos! And the story. So did you take all the extra firewood home with you? And did you polish off the booze?

Posted by: Amanda | 03/06/2006 at 07:19 PM

I wish I could have seen Chris' face. Priceless for sure. I love hearing your stories and it makes me miss you mom. Tell her I said howdy... and then pinch her ass.S. looks so cute too!

Posted by: Freakren | 03/06/2006 at 08:56 PM

That sounds like a wonderful vacation!!!!Too funny about the snow and the pinch!!!Firewood will keep until next vacation, lol. What a lovely place to visit!

Posted by: Sam | 03/06/2006 at 11:40 PM

I thought you had a tailbone injury from flying down the stairs. Now you're bobsledding? That takes skill.

Posted by: R. Robyn | 03/07/2006 at 01:39 AM

You are such a great writer. :) I bet it was a blast though! Your family is beautiful, Lena!What I was going to put in my blog about RSVP'ing (and obviously didn't) was that these are kids who are 7 and older, with older siblings - so it's not like you're a "new" parent in school working out the kinks and learning stuff. KWIM? God knows how many invitations I overlooked when my oldest was in Pre-K and stuff. Don't fret! I just thought it was hysterical that one family insisted on an RSVP for their party when they blew ours off! LOL :) You're a great mom, and I'm sure they're good parents too.

Posted by: Lisa | 03/07/2006 at 03:52 AM

Very very funny. I kind of see the Sharon Stone resemblance. Your mom is cuter in her pink puff coat than Sharon at the Oscars.

Posted by: Jessica | 03/07/2006 at 06:51 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHH!!!! Omigod that is my mom. Freaking out about everything. I have too many stories like that...And my dad's like, *yawn* I'm waiting in the car whenever you stop freaking out.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 03/07/2006 at 06:54 AM

AH, yes the oinching butt story... That happens to my husband all the time, I pinch nd run and whoever is left in the rrom gets blamed for being a little too friendly. Sounds like your having a good time!

Posted by: Linsey | 03/07/2006 at 07:00 AM

Great pictures! It's looks pretty cold there!

Posted by: Mama B | 03/07/2006 at 07:18 AM

Oh, I love your stories. :) My parents sound a bit like yours, too. I've been dying to post pics from the last family Christmas gift exchange, but my parents would probably kill me. (My dad gave my mom leopard-print LINGERIE, which she was happy to hold up and display for photos. Also, my dad got too warm and opened half of his gifts in just a white tank top. Meanwhile, my brother's new girlfriend is watching this all, terrified on the couch.)I also have to say that your comment on my last post made me laugh out loud. :) Cheerio!

Posted by: Jess Riley | 03/07/2006 at 08:43 AM

Oh Lena, I love reading your stories!LOLggle~LOL, I can JUST imagine Chris's face and the look of horror. Priceless, really.I can so just see you guys freaking out, fortunately it worked out. ~wink~

Posted by: Virenda | 03/07/2006 at 10:42 AM

I'm glad you enjoyed Chris' butt story as much I did. :) I wish you all could of been there. But, I don't think I had enough food....My ass is healing nicely. It thanks you for your kind thoughts. It's used to be sweared at it during spin class so this was a nice change of pace.

Posted by: Lena | 03/07/2006 at 04:53 PM

I personally like the Nintendo picture the best!

Posted by: Kelly | 03/07/2006 at 05:37 PM

Yup -- the Nintendo picture is my favourite! Look at how hard you guys are focusing on the game. ;)

Posted by: mama_tulip | 03/07/2006 at 06:23 PM

sounds like so much fun! I can't wait until the kids get a little older and we can go on a vacation like this.

Posted by: Chic Mommy | 03/07/2006 at 06:26 PM

I am embarrassed to admit that Nintendo took up alot of time. But, it was snowing!And I was simultaneously playing pool with my mom!And cooking! :)

Posted by: Lena | 03/07/2006 at 06:36 PM

At least Chris didn't say "Not now -- Lena could be watching!"

Posted by: blog Portland | 03/07/2006 at 08:28 PM

LOL! Your blog posts are always such fun!

Posted by: ~ Stacy ~ | 03/07/2006 at 08:50 PM

Parents? Parents? They look like they are your age....what does your Mom use? Yes, let's pretend that we don't distract our kids with TV and video games, because that would be baaaad wouldn't it? Don't tell anyone I am doing it right now.

Posted by: Ditsy Chick | 03/08/2006 at 10:36 AM

My mom is allllll about the Retin-A. Her skin is better than mine. So wrong!

Posted by: Lena | 03/08/2006 at 03:40 PM

I love it! We just got back from a mini vaca with our little one. after 1 hour of STRAIGHT up screamin (the kid hates the car seat) I had a light bulb moment, pulled into ARCO bought a handful of lollipops and the remaining 3 hours was SILENCE. Please!!! tell me why didn't I think of that alonnnnnng time ago. Therefore playing nintendo works for me! Hey, whatever works. Your parents are all of what? 15? Our daughter gets that alot. Her friends told her that her mom and dad are hot and she almost lost her lunch! LOL

Posted by: Days Like These! | 03/08/2006 at 10:57 PM

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