There's a firestorm whipping around the blogosphere over the good ol' weight issue. You can read about it here, here and also here. Those are some angry bees.
I understand why. Let me jump on the bandwagon with my
agitated respectful opinion.
There is a big difference between natural weight gain and gaining a massive amount of weight and becoming asexual.
When you first meet your husband, you are, say, in your 20's. You can eat entire pizzas and store them in your hollow leg, you can sleep on your side and yet not have a crease across your face until 2:00 the next day, you can exercise constantly because you have the time and the motivation and you see immediate results. Gravity is working in your favor - you have all options at your disposal. Your life is yours!
Then, someone comes along wine-ing and dining and you say "Yesss". And then bam! five years later you are wiping butts, considering the girls at The View your true friends, and eating cookies in the pantry and cold nuggets out of the sink.
It is the natural progession. It's not lack of self-worth or of interest in your mate. It's physics.
Along with these major lifestyle changes come some major physical changes. Let me outline them:
1) Once you are happy and in love you just aren't going out that much...and eating in alot.
2) Once you get pregnant, forget about it. Your body has a mind of its own...and its mind is to stretch, stretch, stretch.
3) Your body changes permanently after pregnancy. I did not even have hips before. And back fat? Wha...?
4) Taking care of a child is draining. Sometimes the only thing you do for yourself is eat. So, you're going to make it count.
When we get married we go from women with our own lives to Mothers. To Wives. To Daughters-in-law. To Social Coordinators. Often to Spiritual Heads. The weight of the family is on our shoulders. Everything from whether the house, the car, our children's hair is clean to whether our husband looks presentable to whether our weekends are packed with dinner dates to whether our kids are in soccer/dance/softball to whether our family eats healthy and exercises to how many friends our husband has, girlfriends we have and playmates our kids have depends upon our efforts. The entire social, mental, emotional, and physical framework of the family is reliant on our action.
So, what do we do to reward ourselves? How do we ‘take care”? For most of us that spin class isn’t going to cut it. I don't know about you, but exercise is yet another chore I must get done. It is not a reward. A venti mocha and muffin is a reward. A rum and coke is a reward. Chips and onion dip. Ben and Jerry’s. Those are comforting. Maybe not for you. But, I'm sure you have your comfort foods too.
Sometimes there are just not enough good reasons to prevent me from pulling into that McDonalds…and then going home and preparing a healthy dinner for my family. Does it mean I don’t love myself? I don’t think so. Does it mean I don’t love my husband? Uh, no. It means I want fried potatoes. That’s about it.
But, there's two sides to this coin my friends.We also have a responsibility to our families to stay healthy. Notice I didn't say "We have a responsibility to our husbands to stay hot". It's not about "false advertising" which just pisses me off. I know I don't look like I did when I got married, but neither does my husband. Neither of us are happy with the way we look now. He's doing something about it. I'm not. But, nowhere in our vows did it say that we had to be ‘consistently attractive’ til death do us part.
I want him to be attracted to me. I want to be attracted to myself! But, the best I can manage right now is to maintain my weight, even though I know I need to go to the gym and eat healthier and cut back on the alcohol. I don’t want to. And I'm not going to just to please my husband. I feel I am good enough now. When I decide to get rockin hot again, then I will. If I never feel motivated to then I guess those days are behind me. Simple as that.
I believe the unspoken deal is that Chris and I stay attracted to each other, not attractive. The reason I stay a reasonable weight is because I am not comfortable being any larger. My sexuality and attractiveness are too important TO ME. It is incidental that they are important to Chris too.
We’re constantly going to be changing in our lifetime together and we need to both feel that our mutual attraction is based on much more than our physical bodies. But, that doesn’t let us off the hook from at least making an effort to stay reasonably physically healthy.
But, let me tell you something. You can put forth the same effort at 33 that you did at 23 and you’re going to get completely different results.
The bottom line is this: If you hate yourself and your choices and are eating your pain, then that will shine through in your entire family's life. If you're overweight, but it truly doesn't bother you and you and your husband have open honest discussions about it and it truly doesn't bother him and you're healthy, then good. for. you.
This is a hot button for one reason: Mommies do not like you coming into their comfort zone (read: faceless blogging where looks are irrelevant and content rules) and start poking at their soft spot...literally. We all fight this demon, some more than others. I think if you're passionate about this subject, even if you passionately disagree with me, it’s because it’s touching a chord.