Don't Waste the Pretty On Me

I think this is a new low for me.

Saturday we were at a little princess party around the corner. It was thrown by an acquaintance of mine who does not have kids, so she had invited alot of other moms that I didn't know. Well, one of those moms was her sister-in-law and she looked

sort of like this.


And her name was like Gia or Eva. And she spoke with an accent.

Well, Gia-Eva decided that she wanted me. Hard core. She was eyeing me across the room. She was laughing at my jokes. Every time I caught her eye, she was all grins. She eventually made her way over to me and started a conversation. This woman was striking. Olive skin, blue eyes, dark curly hair, tall, thin, big smile.

She was also flashing a cheesy red thong, but I digress. This beautiful creature zeroed in on me and was now trying to strike up a friendship. She pulled out all the tricks: she complimented my daughter, she asked where I got my shoes, she admired my bag. Girl was working it.

Normally, this would be a non-issue. I can hold my own and have even been known to (gasp!) consider myself attractive.

But, anyone who has read my blog for five minutes knows about my current neuroses. I'm not thrilled with my appearance. The fact that I weigh more now than I did two months after my daughter was born (Where are those breastfeeding kids when you need em?) displeases me greatly. I haven't been to the gym regularly this year, I've been eating crap (McDonalds bakes syrup right into the pancakes! I wish I never knew this!), and frankly things are taking a turn for the worse in all areas physical. And have I mentioned the new wrinkles? Let's not. I'll save that for Self-Hatred Tuesday.

So, the thought of having Miss America around gave me a huge internal sigh. It's hard enough to be comfortable with myself with the beautiful friends I have now. I just don't think my ego could take another one in the mix.

Gia-Eva was getting the 'ol brush off.

I was polite, but every time I looked at her I wanted to laugh maniacally and then cry. I wanted to just interrupt her as she hinted at what her free weekdays were and say "You know what. You're nice and all. Any girl would be lucky to have you. But, I'm just not ready for this. It's not you.... It's me. ".

This can't be normal behavior, can it?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Um, Lena I'm pretty sure it ISN'T in fact normal behavior but I feel ya. She was pretty, NOT as striking as you say but pretty and she had the accent and that my friend pushes it right over the edge.Anyways you don't need another friend, you have me. Don't make me get all neurotic on you!Your beautiful and right now your not happy with yourself but come a week from now, you'll be happier. Love you.

Posted by: Virenda | 03/20/2006 at 10:47 PM

Riiight. I forgot about the accent! I'm adding that...

Posted by: Lena | 03/20/2006 at 10:52 PM

I knew that this sort of stuff happened at bars. But, a kids party? Hmmm...On the brightside, you won't have to see her again.Chin up! I saw your face somewhere (*smirk*) with a hot guy kissing your ass. We won't name names or anything. All I'm saying is that if he thought you looked good, that's saying something. No, I didn't see that on V's site. Hehe!

Posted by: Summer | 03/21/2006 at 12:11 AM

I know many people that would describe you as yummy eye candy! I also know many people that would loooooove to be as fat as you! P.S. If your feeling old stay away from Ne! She will point out wrinkles that don't even exist!

Posted by: hook | 03/21/2006 at 12:13 AM

I gotta say:You are soooo not fat.I know all about the whole not working out thing... but YOU are NOT by any means big. You are one of the small people. ;)Anyway. I know what you mean about the "too pretty to be my friend." I actually feel this way about you and Vi.~wink~But I'll suck it up and deal cuz you two are hilarious.

Posted by: Kelly | 03/21/2006 at 02:53 AM

I hear ya there! :) I think (from your pics) you are gorgeous!

Posted by: Lisa | 03/21/2006 at 03:12 AM

I can just see the conversation, "Gia-Eva, you're nice, you're saying all the right things, I think we could be great friends. But the thing is - I'm full up on pretty friends right now. BUT. If you get into a disfiguring accident, or one of my pretty friends drops out of the rotation, we should totally hang out sometime."

Posted by: Marcia | 03/21/2006 at 05:58 AM

I think you've watched one too many Seinfeld episodes!

Posted by: Kimmy | 03/21/2006 at 07:21 AM

You are not fat!! From the pictures I have seen of you you are a very pretty girl. Sometimes people that are better looking than us scare us away!!

Posted by: mommyof4 | 03/21/2006 at 07:32 AM

LMAO!Okay, so first off your post totally cracked me up. You were being hit on by a hot chick at a kids party ... where the hostess has no kids! Too freakin' hilarious.And then Marcia's comment had me rollin'. LOL!Lena, come on now you look great. I totally understand where you're coming from though. I have a certain body weight that "I" feel attractive at, and that's what matters the most to me. Everyone else can tell me that I look great, but I gotta feel it. So, I know what ya mean. Just the same ... you look great! *grin*Wanna know sumpin' funny? I made a typo (now fixed) when I typed your name (above) the first time. I had typed "Lean", instead of Lena. ;)

Posted by: ~ stacy ~ | 03/21/2006 at 08:10 AM

Normal? What does that mean anyway? And who is the judge of it? great blog.

Posted by: AnthonyLemons | 03/21/2006 at 08:12 AM

Wow. So she really *WAS* a Gia.Lena, I know how you feel with the body issues. All I can say is keep on keepin on cause your hubby and kids think your beautiful (and prolly a bunch of other people do too) and you know what?You're a hot beeotch. Period.Also I want Kelly's avatar.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist | 03/21/2006 at 08:13 AM

Can I be on boys being bad list? Sometimes I'm a bad boy.

Posted by: AnthonyLemons | 03/21/2006 at 08:14 AM

Weren't you coming up to nor cal this month. A visit with me well boost that old self esteem. :o)

Posted by: Freakren | 03/21/2006 at 08:48 AM

I love this post, I'm still smiling. I love this topic too.I'm a bit distracted by Kelly's Napoleon Dynamite... um, he's making butterflies at me.I'll get back to the point.Women are SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO complicated. I think your reaction is perfectly normal and just not talked about much. She "wanted" you because you are attractive. Have you ever noticed how all the pretty girls hang out with people of their own prettiness factor? Even most couples are about the same on the attractive meter. My husband and I had a HILARIOUS conversation soon after we got together about who was cooler. I thought I was more cool than him, and he thought he was more cool than me!!! Then, one day, he turned to me and said, "You know, you are more cool than me, I was wrong." I'M SERIOUS, WE ACTUALLY HAD THIS CONVERSATION!!! One time at a party, the birthday girl burst out with, "Look at everyone here! We are all so good looking!" She was right, we were all young and shiny and bright with bright futures, and I loved that she said it. It was spontaneous, and it made me feel good. It sounds shallow writing it, but it actually wasn't a shallow comment... I don't think I'm explaining it well.Ok. I'll go for another slant. I think there was more to it then that... I don't think it was simply her looks that had you turned off. Something about her was setting off the insecurity buttons and these are Never good friends for us. You are right, it is probably you, and not her, but something about her was setting YOU off. Sometimes I see a fabulous woman and I think, oh, I need to buy some boots like that, how do I get my hair to go like that, that is a fab purse... etc etc etc. AND then, sometimes it's my boots look like crap, my hair is sloppy, and my purse is from old navy... etc etc. You can only have a few really good friends, and maybe you just don't need a "trophy" friend right now. -wink-I don't really think I said anything, but to make a long story longer, I will just say that I hear ya.Oh, and you are SOOOOOOO not fat.

Posted by: Jessica | 03/21/2006 at 10:11 AM

Um, girl? I've seen pictures of you and You. Are. Hot.

Posted by: mama_tulip | 03/21/2006 at 11:24 AM

You could have inivited her over, and put her in that pit in your basement."It rubs the lotion..."

Posted by: blog Portland | 03/21/2006 at 12:38 PM

I am falling out of my chair with laughter! You are so funny and I might add -- oh so right! EWWW. who needs a friend like that? Actually, from your pics, I think you ARE the friend like that! ;Dalso, I love your name. It's a family name of mine. that did not make sense. Oh well, you know what I mean.

Posted by: Faith | 03/21/2006 at 07:10 PM

All I can say is, if you're ugly, I need to start wearin a paper bag around my head....rolling eyes..If nothing else, you know you still got it when a woman hits on you....we are ever so much pickier than men.

Posted by: Ditsy Chick | 03/21/2006 at 09:08 PM

Since my husband tortures me all the time with this movie, BP, its actually "First it puts the lotion on. Then it puts the lotion in the basket". EEEEEEEEE! Just typing that is skeeving me out!

Posted by: Lena | 03/21/2006 at 09:23 PM

My funnnnnny hunnnny! Eeek...I just said the H-word. Does that mean I'm in the dogpound with Gia-bella? Lena, you must be out of your pretty freakin mind for thinking this way, lady! But then again I think the same way. The: she too beautiful a friend for me? how about her? and her?: tape runs in my head now and then. I believe the last time was when I went to visit your Flickr! harharhar. Out of mind, out of body, out of time! Gotta tuck into bed or my Wednesday will be one bloody mess. Nitey-nite all! Be well. Blessings, K.

Posted by: iKat | 03/21/2006 at 10:37 PM

Not to chime in with the rest of these lovelies, but don't you remember me broadcasting on my blog about you were "too hot to be a mom"? Hello! I'm a total stranger. And my opinion counts more than....well no one. That's not the point. Work it girl!

Posted by: R. Robyn | 03/21/2006 at 11:37 PM

Okay, this is annoying. I commented this morning, and it's gone! In fact, it was right around the time I received your comment on my blog, as I recall. At any rate, I'm sure whatever I wrote was witty and intelligent and perfectly worded, so you'll just have to trust me on that, because the only thing I can think to say now is I love the picture at the top of this post. One of the bookstores in town carries that line of cards, journals, magnets, etc., and they crack me up ever time I see them. The end.

Posted by: Caryn | 03/22/2006 at 12:

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